


The Webs We Weave

by kylarileiza



Category: Full Moon o Sagashite
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, F/M, Multi, One True Pairing, One of My Favorites, Psychological Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 01:45:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 49,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14760233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylarileiza/pseuds/kylarileiza
Summary: When the Underworld acquires a new boss, Takuto, Mitsuki, Meroko, and Izumi all find life as they know it changed. Riddled with lies and half-truths, all have trouble adjusting.





	1. Chapter 1

Originally posted to FFN years ago; trying to collect my stories under one account. Thank you AO3! 

Title: The Webs We Weave  
Category: Anime/Manga » Full Moon wo Sagashite  
Author: thehappystalkerball  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T  
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship  
Published: 01-31-10, Updated: 04-23-10  
Chapters: 16, Words: 50,889  
Chapter 1: Misfortune on the Horizon  
(A/N: I do not own Full Moon and I am not making any monetary profit. This starts out a several years after the manga ends, so there will be spoilers. I hope you enjoy the story!)

(This is based solely on the manga.)

"Did you hear about the new boss?" a fellow angel asked Meroko nervously. She nodded her head. Judging by the other angel's nervous gestures and pensive expression, word must have gotten around that the new boss wasn't exactly friendly. He also preferred the term "shinigami" over "angels" and they were being called that again. Meroko wasn't sure why, but she did not have the power to stop it. Her colleague looked a bit queasy just speaking about the change of hands higher up. "I'm scared. I heard this new guy was, like, a tyrant or something." She shuddered. "We were having such a good time," she lamented with a sigh. "Sad to see it end."

"Well, maybe it won't be that bad," Meroko tried to comfort her downcast friend, but the girl remained completely convinced that this was the end of an era. Meroko would find herself agreeing with her friend in only a matter of time.

"You have another boss?!" Takuto exclaimed. He would like to think nothing surprised him, having spent some time of his life as a shinigami while actually being physically alive, if not mentally active. Then there was the surprise that he and Mitsuki could still see and converse with Meroko and Izumi when the two would drop by. It had been several years and he and Mitsuki were sure that Eichi had left, but all four were miffed that Meroko and Izumi could still be seen by them. Takuto wondered if it didn't have something to do with the fact he'd been with them in the other realm and by keeping in contact with him now, Mitsuki could still see them. Takuto was grateful for it. He valued the two shinigamis' friendship deeply and he knew Mitsuki felt the same.

Right now, Mitsuki was off at a CD signing while Takuto hung out at the house and prepared dinner. They had moved in together shortly after Mitsuki had graduated from high school. Meroko often brought up the subject of marriage, mystified as to why the two just didn't tie the knot. Mitsuki's grandmother had not been thrilled, either, but everyone had eventually come around, knowing the couple was sincere in their feelings towards each other. They alternately took turns cooking and doing chores, trying to simplify their lives as best as they could. Since Mitsuki was out, Takuto was busy in the kitchen, despite not being the better cook of the two. Luckily, Meroko had dropped by and was helping with dinner while expressing her concern over her and Izumi's new boss.

"Who took over after Johna- you know? Our Boss?" he asked, still fuzzy on what their boss's name had actually been. It seemed Izumi and Meroko were always fuzzy on the name of their current boss. He could never recall them specifically naming any person and every time he or Mitsuki had asked they had just shrugged it off and said that no one had really taken up the mantle yet. Takuto and Mitsuki had tried to push the other couple into it multiple times, but both had explained there had to be certain requirements and neither of them could meet those.

Meroko shrugged. "No one did, really. We got assignments handed down to us from a group of people. It wasn't very organized," she admitted, biting her lip and looking down. "We are still way behind because of it."

Takuto couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, I'm sure there are some grateful people for that."

She punched him lightly on the shoulder. "Haha, Ta-kun."

"So, where is Izumi?" he asked, curiously.

Meroko crossed her arms. "The new boss likes to keep him busy, always giving him solo assignments," she said with a pout. "And I keep getting paired with new shinigami or ones that aren't meeting their quota properly." She leaned against the counter and sighed sadly.

"Well, you and Izumi are good at what you do. The new boss must really like you."

"Yeah, I guess," she said uncrossing her arms and shrugging. "But it's the new second-in-command who's giving the orders and keeping Izumi away from me."

"Keeping Izumi away from you?" Takuto asked doubtfully. "You're too paranoid. And why are you calling yourselves shinigami again? You're known as angels now."

"No," Meroko shook her head. "The new Boss doesn't agree with the term 'angels.' He prefers things more traditional, I guess."

"Jerk," Takuto said with a scowl, deciding he already didn't like this new guy.

"Yeah, and the second-in-command is a woman," Meroko informed him. "I think she has a crush on Izumi. It irritates me."

"Ah, really?" Takuto asked, a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I think you're just jealous. What does Izumi think of this?"

"I don't know. She doesn't make it obvious."

"Well, no one could make anything more obvious than you," Takuto said with a chuckle.

Meroko blushed and laughed. "You're right." The light mood didn't settle as she got serious again fast. "But, really, Takuto, I came to tell you that with this new boss, I hope he doesn't find out we can still keep in touch with you and Mitsuki. I heard he's not big on shinigami having more than minimal contact with the human world and, well, I haven't heard anything good about him," she explained.

Takuto studied her face for a moment, letting that information sink in. "You think we'll be cut off from you and Izumi?"

Meroko nodded worriedly. "Possibly for good. Takuto, you know, we never see anybody but those we lead to death and those who have committed suicide and became shinigami. You know that," she said, shoulders slumping as she tried to think of anything else to say to convey just how fearful she was of never being able to speak with Takuto or Mitsuki again. "I'm scared," she voiced and with a start realized she was trembling.

At hearing her voice shake, Takuto closed the gap between them and drew her into a hug. He figured dinner could wait. "What is it, Meroko? Why are you this upset? Did you and Izumi get into a fight?"

Meroko clung to him and shook her head, finding herself blinking back tears. "No, no," she whispered. "But I just have a very, very bad feeling. Like something awful is going to happen."

Takuto blinked, surprised. "I didn't know you hated change so much. You really are worried about the new boss, huh?"

"Yes, and about us, me and Izumi, you and Mitsuki, and my other friends in the afterworld. I'm really scared," she admitted in a tiny, frightened voice. Meroko frowned, hugging Takuto closer. She hadn't been like this before she got here. She was just nervous about being cut off from Mitsuki and Takuto, but now she was convinced something absolutely terrible was going to take place soon. "I'm hope I'm wrong," she whispered.

"I hope you are, too," Takuto said, feeling the weight of dread settle firmly into the pit of his stomach.

"Wow," Mitsuki breathed as she helped Takuto put away the dishes from dinner. "Meroko was really upset." Meroko's state had left her feeling frightful as well. She couldn't imagine a life where she could no longer communicate with either of her guardian angels, as she had taken to calling them. She found comfort that Takuto wouldn't be joining them ever again, but still it worried her. She might possibly never see them again. She would never be able to chat, hug, see, or simply enjoy their company. She wondered if she should make them more new clothes for their animal forms; she might never get the chance to again. She had let Takuto know repeatedly that she was thrilled he wasn't dead, but it would sure be nice if he could still morph into a cute kitten. It always got a rise out of him and she did enjoy seeing him turn an angry shade of red and mutter under his breath. She thought it was cute.

"Yeah, she was. I think she's just worried 'Zumi might fall for that new chick or something," Takuto said with a slight shake of his head. He could tell the visit had upset Mitsuki, too.

"I don't know, you really think so?"

He didn't think that was the whole reason, but he was sure it played a big part. "Yeah, and she's worried about the new boss. But, I guess she just doesn't like change. Probably mad because they're all going to have to work hard to make up for the past several years," he added with an amused snort.

"Maybe," Mitsuki said quietly. "I hope so."

"I hope so, too," Takuto agreed and felt his stomach do a little nervous flip, that dread clawing even further into it. He was doing a lot of hoping this evening, but still had such a sense of foreboding. He didn't think all this hoping was going to pay off anytime soon.

(A/N: Please let me know what you think, thank you!)

 


	2. It Begins

Chapter 2: It Begins

  
Izumi stifled a sigh of irritation as he took the papers with yet more assignments he was tasked with. The second in command grinned charmingly at him, much to his annoyance. Noako, was her name, if he recalled correctly. He wasn't sure if she thought she was flattering him, giving him all these tasks while praising his abilities, but he sure was thoroughly annoyed with it all. For some unexplainable reason he and Meroko, along with four other shinigami, were being given the heaviest workloads. Meroko and Izumi were representing the Pediatrics, while the other four were coupled off into representing different areas. The few times he or Meroko had glimpsed them, they had looked completely worn out, which he knew reflected himself and his soul mate.

It was frustrating trying to find out the reason these assignments weren't more evenly distributed. It had been a few months now since they had come under the leadership of this new boss and he and Meroko had both found other shinigami wandering aimlessly in the pediatrics ward complaining about lack of work, while he and Meroko were so overloaded it was like they never stopped. He wondered if the other four shinigami found their friends wandering around their respective areas complaining about imagined lack of work.

They had tried given assignments to their woefully underworked friends at Meroko's suggestion, but soon found that unless the shinigami was given the task directly they could not lead the soul into its final resting place. He was tired of being brushed off every time he asked a question, and he was upset that he had yet to actually see this new boss, no one had yet, supposedly. He was angry that it seemed there were only six working shinigami in their world while all the others just roamed about restlessly. She handed more papers with neatly scribbled souls he was supposed to separate and lead to the next world while handing a stack over to Meroko as well. He felt his thin rope of patience finally snap.

"We're not doing all these," he announced, shoving it back at the task giver. Noako stared at him incredulously. He felt Meroko stiffen next to him with unease. "We're not doing them," he said again evenly. He'd had it. There were plenty of other shinigami to help with the workload. He and Meroko had barely seen each other these past few months and he couldn't remember the last time he'd had enough downtime to chat with Mitsuki or Takuto. Slowly, an evil, impish smile spread across Noako's face as she caught hold of Izumi's hands, opened them, and forcefully shoved the papers back into them.

"Yes, you are," her menacing tone matched Izumi's perfectly.

"No," he said and flung them to the ground. Childish, he would admit, but he was too fed up to care. He'd tried to hand them back civilly and she obviously wasn't going for that.

"Izumi...dear," Meroko mumbled softly, her voice tinted with worry and fear. For some reason that Izumi couldn't quite fathom, Noako struck fear into Meroko. She had obeyed without questioning and rarely snapped at the woman, though Izumi had snapped back and snarled many times at her, voicing his frustrations over and over, while Meroko and the other shinigami remained quiet, placid really. Well, except for that other one in the Seniors ward who often mouthed off as well. Izumi figured it made sense for one dealing with kids and the other dealing with the elderly to be the ones most on edge.

Izumi turned to Meroko, his eyes full of determination, "We're not, Meroko. We're not doing this anymore." He turned back to Noako. "We refuse. You have plenty of other shinigami who are literally doing nothing. There's no reason we can't share the workload."

"But they weren't given the assignments, you were." Naoko pointed out.

"So, reassign them," Izumi spat back.

Meroko felt the dread that had been building since her last visit with Takuto a few months prior wrap around her stomach and squeeze hard as her eyes met Noako's beady, mischievous ones. This woman was clearly up to something and was enjoying Izumi's rebellion a little too much. Had she been trying to push them to this? Meroko dully wondered.

"That's not possible," Noako sneered. Meroko frowned, feeling anger bubble up past her dread. She was tired of letting this woman get her way as well. She agreed with Izumi full-heartedly and would stand next to him and support him completely. She lifted her own papers up and ripped them in half, letting the pieces flutter to the floor. Both she and Izumi smirked.

"Looks like you're going to have to reassign them," Meroko declared.

But Noako did not look shaken or fazed at all. She appeared to be amused and in her element, relishing the moment. She chuckled, "Haha, reassign? What a couple of comedians! You are shinigami, you can't refuse orders from higher up. You both know that by now, you're not some fresh meat that just killed themselves and joined the crew. Stop acting like it."

"Stop acting like we're the only shinigami and we'll stop acting like fresh ones," Izumi shot back.

"Are you refusing to do your job?"

"Just the ridiculous part of it."

Noako regarded him carefully before turning her gaze on Meroko. "And you? Are you refusing to be a shinigami as well?"

"Now, hold on..." Izumi began, but Meroko had spoken up as well and her voice was higher than his so he trailed off.

"He never said that! We said we're refusing to do all these assignments alone without the help of our comrades in our ward. We have no problem being shinigami."

"Ah, because you refusing those assignments equates to refusing to be a shinigami."

"You are so full of it!" Izumi exclaimed, eyes flashing. "There's no point in overloading us like this. You're giving four assignments a week to most of the other shinigami while we have around ten a day? Around forty to seventy weekly compared to their four or five? It's flat out ridiculous! It's not fair to them, to us, or to those being taken! We have to rush through things, we're so tight on schedule!"

"Hey, don't try to blame your incompetence on me."

Meroko and Izumi both stared at her incredulously. Had she really just accused them of being incompetent? Both took great pride in just how competent they were.

"If we're so freakin' incompetent," Meroko spat through clenched teeth, "Then why don't we share this with some other more competent shinigami?" She waved her hands at the torn paper on the floor.

Noako took her time, blowing some hair out of her face, before answering. "Ah, we just had to settle with you. Settled. Weren't thrilled but settled." She flashed another cheeky grin at them. "Just settled."

Izumi and Meroko were both steaming and both opened their mouths to say something but she held up a hand and both clamped shut, waiting to hear what she had to say.

"Wait, wait," she gestured, holding one finger up for silence. "Just a minute. There's something I must know. Do you intend to do those?" She motioned at the papers scattered at the couple's feet.

Both shot her looks of disgust. "Of course not!" Meroko snapped. She was heavy with anger and could feel it rolling off Izumi in waves which only bolstered her own. Noako acted oblivious to the anger permeating the room and brought a hand out, palm face forward. Izumi and Meroko both frowned, confused at her randomness. Then, within seconds, there was light shooting out of her palm. Izumi's eyes widened and Meroko found herself being thrown to the floor.

Everything went silent and Meroko gathered herself enough to pick herself up off the floor and figure out what had happened. That light had been coming at her and then she'd been shoved aside. Izumi had been next to her, must have...No, Izumi! Meroko thought, horrified when she pieced it together. She whirled around only to fall back to her knees next to Izumi. He was limp and unmoving. Meroko shook him frantically. What had that light done? It couldn't have killed him, after all, they were already dead! But something terrible had just happened, Meroko could feel it in her bones. Something bad. In the back of her mind, she wondered if this was what she'd been so worked up about over the past few months. "What did you do to him?!" she wildly demanded of Noako who simply stood there, admiring her handiwork.

"You two are refusing your job in the afterlife. Hmm," she flicked her wrist a little and frowned, ruminating over something, Meroko realized. It hit her then that Noako was deciding whether or not she should try striking her again.

"What are you going to do?" Meroko demanded fearfully. Her voice quivered as she stared hopelessly at her love. "He's fading..."

"Well, I had planned to strike you both, but I think I have a better punishment for you. For both of you actually." She threw her head back. "Haha, yes, this works out quite well actually. For the time being, anyway." Nothing shot out of Noako's hands but Meroko felt her body being wracked with pain and though she fought to stay awake and cling to Izumi, hoping her touch would stop his fading, blackness clouded her vision and Izumi disappeared from her line of sight along with everything else.

Meroko didn't know how long she'd been out or what had been done, but when she woke up it wasn't in Noako's presence. Or Izumi's, she noted disappointedly as she glanced around. Her eyes widened in shock as she instantly realized where she was. This is where- where my suicide. This is where I died. This was the exact spot of her suicide. She blinked unable to grasp why Noako would send her here. She heard someone coming and tried to morph into a bunny since she was known in that form in these parts, but nothing happened. She stared at the ground in shock. How could nothing happen?

"Hey, are you okay?" a young man asked, gently shaking her shoulders. She realized she was still on her hands and knees simply staring at the ground. Her shock and confusion only increased as he could clearly see and touch her.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Meroko got out around a gasp. She allowed the man to help her to her feet. While getting up, her mind flashed back to Izumi's fading form and she felt her knees wobble, unable to keep herself steady.

"Hey, hey, let's not go back down there again. I just got you up!" He said in a forced friendly tone. He thinks I'm drunk, Meroko dimly determined. "Come on, do you need a place to sleep tonight? Follow me," he said, gently guiding her into a nearby house. Meroko wanted to run off, she wanted to find someone more familiar, but she didn't have to fear being alone with this guy. The house he took her into was a short walk from where she'd been and it was hopping with a lively party. Music was blaring, couples were dancing, and friends were laughing and cutting up. For a moment, Meroko tried to recall if she'd ever been in this house, but things were happening too quickly for her to focus. A woman quickly disengaged herself from a conversation and came over to help the man.

"Wow, where'd you find her?"

"Outside on the ground."

"Okay." She placed a hand on Meroko's arm and took over guiding her. "Hey, sweetie, we're going to get you into a nice, warm bed, okay? Did your ride leave you here? Was it a fight?" Meroko made to answer, but the woman continued to speak, "Eh, it doesn't matter. You look you could use the rest. Here you go." She brought her into a bedroom and helped her into the bed. Meroko was wide-eyed, still trying to figure out what the heck was going on. Finally, coherent thought slammed into her mind and she hopped up, clutching the surprised woman's hands.

"Izumi! I have to go find him!" Images of Izumi fading flashed through her mind again, and she felt panic shooting through her veins.

"Not now," the woman insisted quietly, lowering Meroko back into the bed. "We'll look for him tomorrow, okay?"

"But-! O-okay," Meroko agreed, too overwhelmed to argue the point. Once the woman had left, Meroko stared at her hands, perplexed. She contemplated the many reasons she might have woken up here, but could not conjecture up any feasible one. Eventually, she summoned the energy to explore the room. The desk calendar still showed the year she had believed herself to be in, she hadn't gone back in time. A mirror caught her attention and she stared, open-mouthed. She looked exactly as she had the day she'd done the deed. Her clothes were the same, everything, even the style of her hair. Staring at her reflection, she reached a hand up and placed it on her chest, listening intently for a steady beat. 'Wow' she mouthed at her reflection when she was able to determine that she did have a beating heart underneath her skin.

What had Noako done and, more importantly, why? She frowned at herself for a couple of minutes, before shaking her head slightly. She had to admit, it felt kind of good to be alive again. She had no clue as to what Noako expected out of her, but she did know one place she'd rather be right now. She quietly opened the window in the room and left the house. If this was the modern world then Takuto and Mitsuki's apartment should be in the same place she'd last seen it.


	3. The Lost

(A/N: For the purpose of this story, I took some liberties with the  _exact_  railroad crossing Izumi had been at in the manga.)

"Me- _Meroko?_ " Mitsuki asked after gaping at the other girl for a full minute. Wide-eyed, Mitsuki held the door open, unsure what else to say. It was obviously Meroko, but she was obviously very much alive. Meroko slowly walked in looking even more unsure of herself than Mitsuki.

_"Meroko?"_  Takuto exclaimed, jaw dropping and the spoon he had held in his hand clattered to the floor. He had a distinct feeling that his and Mitsuki's soup would be going cold tonight. "You're  _alive?"_ It was bizarre, Takuto and Mitsuki would agree later, that they could just  _tell_  Meroko was among the living again.

"Yeah, it's me," Meroko sullenly confirmed, allowing herself to be guided to the table.

Mitsuki frowned, sensing that they were about to receive bad news. "What happened?"

"Uh," Meroko mumbled, putting her head in her hands, overwhelmed. "Hey, can I have some soup? I'm hungry."

"Oh, oh, yeah, you  _are_  alive," Mitsuki said in a high, squeaky voice. She hadn't felt this uneasy about something in a long time. She quickly put a bowl in front of Meroko and she and Takuto watched in awe as she ate. It wasn't that they had never seen her eat, she just had never eaten as though she was famished, which she was now doing.

"Where's Izumi? Is he alive, too?" Takuto asked after several moments of tense silence. That was the obvious question on the tips of both his and Mitsuki's tongue.

Meroko burst into tears, pushing her bowl away. "I  _don't_  know!" she cried.

"What?" Mitsuki exclaimed.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Takuto asked, puzzled.

The former shinigami sniffled, trying to control her tears. "We-we..the new second-in-command, Noako, struck him with some weird light. He was fading the last time I saw him and he wasn't moving. Then I woke up and I was alive."

"Maybe Izumi's alive too, then?" Takuto suggested.

"I don't know," Meroko muttered, putting her head back in her hands and shaking her head. "I don't know. I  _don't_  know."

"Well, what, you don't think he could have faded away completely, do you?" Takuto demanded, alarmed. Mitsuki gasped and found herself blinking back tears. She shook her head, wide-eyed, unable to think on it.

Meroko gave Takuto a miserable look, clearly stating that she had no idea, but suspected that might be the case.

"No, no, that  _can't_  be right!" Mitsuki insisted. "Meroko," she grabbed the other girl's shoulders. "Meroko, how did you come to life? Maybe that second-in-command made Izumi alive, too, and he just hasn't made it here yet?"

Meroko bit her lip uncertainly. "I don't know, Mitsuki. I woke up at the place I'd committed suicide. It was weird. Like I've lived two lives and I'm starting a third. But it's weird, my time as a shinigami kind of feels like a dream," she explained staring at the palms of her hands, "But I know it wasn't. Time passed and now I'm here."

"Maybe Izumi is at where he committed suicide?" Takuto suggested. "Where is that at?"

Meroko gave him an odd look. "I don't know that."

"He never told you?"

"No, I never really pried or anything and he never spoke to me about it or about memory loss. Always kind of side-stepped it now that I think about it."

"He could be anywhere!" Takuto exclaimed. "He could be halfway around the world in the United States or Colombia for all we know!"

Meroko glared at him. "His name is  _Izumi_. Do you really think he's going to be way over there anywhere?"

"Hey, people immigrate!"

Mitsuki had been silent for a couple minutes before slowly shaking her head. "No, no, he's here and I think I know where."

Meroko and Takuto both whipped their heads around to her.  _"What?"_

"He told you?" Meroko demanded.

"Only a little," Mitsuki admitted, "And it wasn't much. It's just because we were at the place where he said it happened, and he got kind of sick."

"Where is it?" Taktuo asked.

"The railroad tracks. I remember which one."

"His clothes were yellow and black before," Takuto remembered.

"Lead the way then," Meroko told Mistuki, getting up and heading towards the door.

Mitsuki started to slowly follow the other two out of the door, mulling over how she could tell them the next bit she felt she needed to. At the door she stopped and the other two halted, throwing questioning looks at her. "Uh, um," Mitsuki stuttered. "I don't really know anything else, but it was at the railroads tracks and one other thing..." Mitsuki began quietly.

"What?" Meroko pressed.

"When you turn into angels, do you age any?" Mitsuki asked concerned. She had taken note of the subtle yet obvious difference in Meroko's physical appearance. Both Takuto and Meroko were aware that Mitsuki refused to go back to calling them "shinigami" despite what any higher authority said.

"If I remember right, I think after we're reborn again, we age according to our emotional maturity," Meroko explained thoughtfully. She frowned. "Why?"

"It's just he said he was six. I wonder if he'll be a kid now?"

Meroko and Takuto both stared at her in horrified shock before both exclaiming,  _"What?"_

"You mean we're looking for a  _little kid?"_  Takuto demanded unable to purge the shock from his voice.

Meroko was shaken up as well. "I-I didn't know. He didn't tell me."

Mitsuki shifted uncomfortably. "We-we weren't really talking about it. I-it just happened. That's all I know, though. Do you think he changed back into a child?"

Meroko pondered it for a moment before shrugging slightly. "I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised. I look exactly the way I did the day I died." She nodded grimly. "So, it's definitely something we should be on the lookout for." Deep down, she was hoping her gut instincts were wrong and that he  _wouldn't_  be a small child. The thought did not sit well with her, but she had a strong feeling they would find a child by the railroad tracks.

Mitsuki nodded as well and led the way towards the tracks she remembered from years earlier. "Come on, it's this way."  _I hope he's there,_ she silently added, swapping a concerned glance with Takuto. He was thinking the same, though she knew he was having trouble imagining Izumi as a child.


	4. And the Found

Takuto was having a  _lot_  of trouble imagining Izumi as a six-year-old. He and the girls had split up once they reached the railroad tracks, each one on the lookout for a small, blond child who was maybe lost or hysterical. There were shops around and the place was bustling with shoppers. Takuto was having trouble accepting that  _any_  person could commit suicide so early in life, even someone who had given him a great amount of grief. If what Meroko had told them was correct, he doubted they would be coming across any hysterical or obviously lost child. Izumi was supposedly mature for his age. He imagined Meroko had to be having trouble with this new information as well, he couldn't imagine it sitting well with her. He hoped Mitsuki or Meroko found Izumi. It wasn't that he was  _bad_  with kids, he just wasn't too sure he'd be great with a kid he knew was actually Izumi. It kind of freaked him out.

It seemed life wasn't quite on the same page as Takuto, though, as he passed the steps of a store. A small figure was on the steps, a hat pulled far down over his head as if he were hoping to just vanish into the steps themselves. Takuto stopped before him for a couple seconds, hoping he would look up, but the boy made no acknowledgement. Deciding to take the first step, Takuto called out to him, "Hey, are you Lio Izumi?"

The boy's head snapped up, eyes wide. He stared at Takuto questioningly. Takuto shifted a bit uncomfortably at the silence and the obvious fading bruises on the boy's face. "Are you?" Takuto asked again, though, he was pretty positive he'd found the right child.  _Wow, though, he looks really different,_  Takuto thought. There was something in his eyes that convinced Takuto this was Izumi. But why was Izumi staring at him so cluelessly?

Izumi stood up, eyeing the taller man warily. "Who are you?" he demanded.

Takuto decided against getting any closer to the obviously leery Izumi.  _It doesn't look like_ _ **his**_ _memory is as clear as Meroko's. This probably isn't good._   _And explains the cluelessness._  "I'm Takuto. I'm here to help you."

"What happened to me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I was waiting for the train and then I was here. I don't remember coming over here."

Takuto followed Izumi's gaze to the train tracks, confused. "You were waiting for the train? You were going somewhere with someone?"

"No, I was shopping with my mom, but I-I," Izumi swiped at his eyes furiously before continuing, "The train was supposed to hit me, but then I was here instead and my mom is gone." He paused for a second, considering something else. "And all the people are different."

 _Ohhh_ , Takuto realized, recalling what Meroko had said earlier. She had appeared in the same spot as her suicide. The same must have happened with Izumi. Though, not quite the exact spot, Takuto thought gratefully, sparing another glance at the train tracks. "I see," he said softly.

Izumi still regarded him warily, taking another step back. "Who are you? Why didn't the train hit me?"

Takuto opened his mouth to say,  _It did_ , but quickly clamped it shut. The kid would probably think he was a lunatic. Obviously, Izumi did not recall being hit by any train or the life he'd led as a shinigami. Takuto glanced around, hoping to glimpse Meroko. Maybe she would trigger some kind of memory? Not seeing her, he pulled out his phone. This didn't sit too well with Izumi.

"Wh-what are you doing? You're not calling the police are you? I'm not lost," he insisted anxiously.

Takuto paused and gave him a funny look. "No, I'm not calling the police, I'm calling my friends."

"Are the police you're friends?" Izumi asked miserably. "Mom said they would take me away and put me in houses that kids don't like."

Takuto blinked, surprised.  _What a mom, doesn't look like you enjoyed her house much at all._ "It's not the police. Their names are Mitsuki and Meroko, they're my two friends. They're looking for you, too." He tried to offer a reassuring smile, but Izumi did not look convinced. He waited for Mitsuki to pick up on the other end. When she picked up, he quickly got to the point. "Hey, Mitsuki, I found him."

Mitsuki stopped in her tracks, relief welling up in her. "That's great, Takuto! Wait, let me get Meroko, we just passed each other." She turned and quickly called out to their other friend. Meroko joined her side and they both listened in on the phone. "Okay, Takuto, she's here. How's Izumi?"

"He upset about being six again?" Meroko asked, concerned.

"Well...no," Takuto said, turning away from said child and lowering his voice considerably. "He doesn't seem to remember  _anything_  about shinigami and he's a little confused about what's going on." He decided not to ask how Meroko knew he  _was_  six again. She must have just figured it would be likely.

"What do you mean?" Meroko demanded. "He doesn't remember  _'anything?'_ "

Takuto shook his head before muttering, "No, and I don't want to freak him out. Come meet me, okay?" He gave them instructions, hung up, and turned towards the curious boy on the steps. "That was my friends. They're going to come meet us."

Izumi still looked doubtful and his eyes darted to the right and left as if looking for a place to run and hide.

Takuto knelt down so he was eye level and looked into his eyes, hoping he looked as honest as he was trying to be, "I promise you that me and my friends are not going to take you to the police. We are going to help you, okay?"

"What about my Mom, where is she?"

Takuto felt his mouth fall slightly while his mind frantically raced, trying to find the best words to pacify the small Izumi for now. In truthfulness, he had no idea where his mother was. "She-she wanted us to take care of you for now, okay?" he explained in a soft tone he wasn't aware he possessed. It felt as if he was having to reach deep within himself and pull out another person to deal with this bizarre situation.

Izumi regarded him for a minute, scrutinizing him, as though he expected to find the answer to his unasked question in Takuto's eyes. Finally, he gave a slight nod. "Okay," he whispered.

* * *

 


	5. Changes

* * *

Mitsuki stumbled after Meroko who ran like a madwoman towards the area Takuto had told them to meet at. He had sounded strange on the phone, both girls had picked up on that right away. Meroko turned a corner and finally spotted Izumi with Takuto. She felt relief and dread fill her at once. Relief they had found him, dread when she remembered what Takuto had said. Izumi didn't remember anything from his life as a shinigami. That didn't make any sense, though. Why would she still have her memories and he not have any? That horrible feeling that had been resting in the pit of her stomach for the past several weeks was much heavier than normal and she knew this was it. This was the unknowing horror she had been terrified of facing and her gut-instinct told her it was only going to get worse before it got better.

Izumi's eyes flashed over to Meroko and Mitsuki as they approached, panting heavily, out of breath. Takuto glanced at Izumi, noticing his unease right away. "Hey," he offered up a reassuring smile, "these are my two friends I was telling you about." Izumi looked a little less uneasy, but not really comfortable. Takuto supposed he couldn't blame him. He was under the impression that he'd  _just_  stood in the train tracks waiting for a train. He had no idea it had been years since that had happened and he'd led another life since then.

"Izumi," Meroko gasped through her ragged breaths. Izumi's brows shot up over wide eyes and he glanced at Takuto questioningly.

"She knows who you are. They both do," Takuto rushed to assure him. "We were all sent here to help you. This is Meroko," he waved a hand at her and then to his other half, "And this is Mitsuki, the love of my life."

Meroko tried her best to keep her face expressionless, though she could feel her world shattering. Takuto just had to introduce her to Izumi and  _Izumi_ -she could barely see traces of  _her_  Izumi in this child.  _We'll fix this, we'll find a way_ , she tried to reassure herself over and over, but no matter how convincing she tried to be, she couldn't shake the feeling she was lying to herself.

Mitsuki squatted in front of him and held out her hand with a wide grin. "Hey, there, it's nice to meet you!" Izumi hesitantly took her hand, shaking it uncertainly.

"Hi." he said simply, still uneasy with the situation and these people he didn't recognize. "My mom told you to take care of me?" he asked, sadness tinging his voice.

"Just for a little while," Mitsuki tried to assure him.

"Come with us," Takuto said in as friendly a voice as he could muster, while holding out his hand.

Once at Takuto and Mitsuki's apartment they gave Izumi a couple of books and turned the television to a station with cartoons, hoping that would keep him occupied long enough for the three to come up with some kind of plan of action.

"What do we do?" Takuto demanded, once they were safely out of earshot. "This is really creeping me out. I'm being forced to be  _super_  nice to Izumi because he's in a little kid's body with no memories. This is not fair at all!"

"He's  _soo_  cute!" Mitsuki squealed which earned her odd looks from the other two. She shrugged. "He  _is_."

"I have to figure out a way to talk to Noako or any person in the Shinigami world. I've tried to make contact, but I haven't been successful." Meroko informed them.

"I guess you're going to have to keep trying." She looked over at Takuto and nodded. He went on, "Maybe we can try to jog some of his memories by telling him about the shinigami?"

Mitsuki didn't look too thrilled at this suggestion. "What if he doesn't remember and we just wind up scaring him or he tries to run away?"

Meroko nodded. "She has a point. I don't know if we want to do anything that makes him scared of us." She dragged her fingers through her hair. "Right now, let's just keep him out of trouble and I'll try to make contact with some shinigami, okay?" Takuto and Mitsuki both nodded in agreement.

And that's how it went. Meroko tried her best to find any and every possible way to contact any shinigami even using psychics and others claiming to have a supernatural ability or any connection to the afterlife, but it was to no avail. Mitsuki and Takuto both continued attending university classes and working, though they tried to work it so at least one was always with Izumi. Meroko was around frequently, but they insisted she focus more on solving it while they took care of Izumi. Meroko suspected there was more to this than they let on.

One day Meroko confronted Takuto regarding the issue. "Why do you and Mitsuki not like having me around Izumi very much? I'm not going to do anything twisted."

Shock and horror filled his face and he shook his head vehemently. "What?! No, that's not it at all, Meroko!" He plopped into a chair, still in shock. "Of course not. That's not what me and Mitsuki were thinking at all. I'm sorry if that's what you thought." Meroko sat across from him and nodded her head, indicating that is what she had suspected. He shook his head again. "We talked about it and we thought it might be easier on you. Also," he looked a bit grim and uncomfortable, "in case- in case, you can't find a way to reverse it, we didn't want him to think of you as a mother or sister figure." He shifted uncomfortably. "You know- for in the future?"

Meroko covered her hand with her mouth, horrified. "You think he's stuck like this? He's not coming back?" Takuto shrugged miserably. "I don't know, Taa-kun. If he's not Izumi anymore, I-I," she felt tears stinging her eyes and Takuto gave her a curious look. She made a wide sweeping motion with her hands, trying to find a way to explain. "It's so weird, Taa-kun. Knowing he was that young and that we- I don't know. I already feel like I did something horrible," she muttered, her voice cracking. Takuto quickly reached across the table and grasped his friend's hands.

"Meroko, look at me," he instructed and she did so. "Izumi was  _not_  a six year old shinigami," he insisted earnestly. "He was grown, not a small child. You did nothing wrong at all."

"Why didn't he ever tell me?"

"Probably because of this very reason," Takuto said with a small smirk.

She laughed a little but became serious again. "Taa-kun, you're hoping that he will fall in love with me again when he is old enough in case we can't fix him?"

He answered with a simple yes.

Meroko shook her head slowly. "I'm ten years older than him now. That would take a long time and he might not-he...I don't think it would be the same." She shook her head sadly before looking up at him sharply. "Takuto. Am I being selfish?"

Takuto frowned at the sudden change in topic. "What do you mean?"

"Izumi's been given a chance to relive his life, be alive again, and I'm trying everything I can to make him remember he has another life with me? What if I get him to remember, but he's still stuck like that and just miserable? What if he's upset that I took away his second chance at  _life_? A  _good_ one? One that doesn't end in suicide. You know, that's what it seems like this is- a second chance at life for each of us, only I have all these memories that I can't let go of."

Takuto squeezed her hands firmly and looked her straight in the eye. "Meroko, I know Izumi would not want this for you or himself, he would want to fix it. I know that deep down you know that. If the situation were reversed you would want the same, right?"

Meroko didn't look completely convinced but gave a slight nod anyway.

"It'll be okay, Meroko, it'll be okay."

Takuto tossed an apple in his hands later that day, relaying his conversation with Meroko to Mitsuki while she cooked dinner. "Do you think I said the right things?"

"I think so. You are right, Izumi would try to fix it, too."

Takuto frowned. "I know. I hate not telling him, but this kid doesn't act anything like Izumi. It's like he's scared of his own shadow." Takuto had noticed the many flinches from the child and how he went out of his way to be as passive and submissive as possible hoping to avoid any and all confrontations, unlike the shinigami he had known, who had gone out of his way to confront others. Takuto had also noticed how he tried as best as he could to avoid Mitsuki and Meroko. His mother had obviously left a bad impression of the female species on him.

"He was badly abused," Mitsuki pointed out, "he did try killing himself."

"He  _did_  kill himself."

"Right," Mitsuki said, "What a tragic life." She took some food out of the oven and set it on top to cool.

"It's been almost two months now and Meroko hasn't had any luck, what are we going to do?"

"We'll have to keep taking care of him."

Takuto leaned forward and whispered, "Mitsuki, what if he's like this  _forever?"_

She turned and gave him an odd look. "What would you rather in that case, Takuto? We can't expect Meroko to raise him, that would be too cruel and we can't give him away, I couldn't live with myself if I did that. Meroko wouldn't let us, anyway. She'd take him and-and," Mitsuki's eyes filled with tears, "That's just too much for one person, Takuto. It would kill her."

_Seems like too much for us, too,_  Takuto silently protested but said nothing.

Mitsuki called for Izumi and the three had dinner together much like they had done every night for the past several weeks. Takuto had the uneasy feeling that they had created a family without him knowing gnaw at him. He just couldn't shake it.

The next evening Takuto found Izumi outside in a patch of grass near their apartment with a football. "Hey, where'd you get that?" he asked the boy.

Izumi bit his lip nervously and Takuto felt anger surge through him as it often did when speaking to the boy. The anger was never directed at Izumi, but at his mother. Takuto always felt so angry that one adult could do so much damage to one child. Izumi was scared of nearly every adult and always expecting to be punished. It made Takuto want to hunt down every parent who had abused their children. He quickly siphoned his anger before Izumi thought it was meant for him.

"I-I found it," Izumi explained. "It was- it was just lying here. Some kids were playing with it the other day and they forgot it. I wasn't going to take it. I just wanted to play..." he trailed off, waiting to be scolded.

"Then let's play," Takuto said with a smile. At Izumi's shocked look, he held out his hands. "Come on, throw it to me. We'll play for awhile and leave it here for those other kids after we're done, okay?"

Takuto was rewarded as a slow but wide smile graced Izumi's face. With a jolt, he realized that it was the first time he'd seen Izumi smile since finding him by the train tracks. His own smile grew wider with delight. "Come on," he encouraged. "Throw it!"

Izumi threw it and the two tossed the ball for a good hour before Mitsuki called them both inside for dinner. Something clicked with Takuto and he didn't feel as uneasy as he had been. But then something totally bizarre and completely unexpected happened before they could go into the apartment.

Izumi set the ball down, still grinning. "That was fun!" he exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Yeah, yeah, it was. We'll have to do it more often."

Izumi stopped for a moment and looked up at Takuto, something in his expression that Takuto couldn't place. "Um, am I going to be living here from now on?"

"Yeah, far as we know," Takuto replied that unease coming back to him, wishing they'd just go inside and eat.

Izumi came a little closer and stopped again, giving Takuto that odd look. After a moment, the boy seemed to muster enough courage to ask the question he'd wanted to, "Uh, does that-does that mean...are you...can you be my new dad?"

Takuto couldn't have been more shocked if someone had socked him in the gut. He quickly tried to erase any signs of it before Izumi could pick up on it. Of course, he, Mitsuki, and Meroko should have realized this! What else would Izumi think other than that he was being adopted or something along those lines? Izumi was looking up at him, rapt with attention and hope shining in his eyes.

Takuto bent down and pulled him into a hug. "Yeah, I can." Takuto just couldn't say otherwise, he didn't have it in him to crush the hope in those eyes, but he wasn't sure if this would ever feel right.


	6. Altering Relationships

It did start to feel right. Almost too right as Takuto found himself settling into the role of father to this new Izumi. Takuto had bought a brand new football for the boy, explaining the game and how it was a big sport in another country. He also bought a soccer ball and a tennis ball with rackets as Izumi was completely into sports, happily giving each one his all, trying to impress his new father. Mitsuki had been relieved when Takuto had told her he would be fine if they had to raise Izumi should Meroko be unable to figure out a way to solve this problem. She had a few doubts about the whole situation, but every time she looked at Izumi, her maternal instincts forced her to banish them away.

He was becoming more comfortable in the house and he wasn't trying to blend into the shadows as much as he had when they had first brought him into the apartment. Takuto was thrilled. Sometimes he would completely forget that Izumi  _wasn't_  a child he had adopted, everything seemed to fall into place so serenely, almost as if it was meant to be.

Then Meroko would call or come knocking on the door and each time the image shattered and Takuto realized it  _hurt._ He didn't want to think of the apartment without this new Izumi. He wondered if Mitsuki felt the same. He secretly hoped it would take Meroko a little longer, but not wanting to be selfish, he would tell himself  _just_  a  _little_  longer,  _just_  another week or two. Because Meroko and the shinigami Izumi were his friends and deep down he knew, he  _knew_  Izumi wouldn't want this second chance at life being raised by himself and Mitsuki. Or  _would_  he? Lately, Takuto wasn't so sure.

What if Izumi  _would have_  liked a second chance at life? When Takuto had been a shinigami, thinking his life was over, he had often wished over and over he hadn't committed suicide. It had been the best thing in the world to wake up and be  _alive._ He couldn't ask that Izumi now, though. And was there even any guarantees that Izumi would ever come back? What if that woman had knocked out his spirit so he could start anew? Judging by the dark circles that plagued Meroko's face and the morose expression she always held, he was sure she often pondered upon the same things.

He and Mitsuki had signed up Izumi for school. He had become so angry again with Izumi's mother when the two had learned that Izumi had been held back due to lack of attendance his first year. They supposed the woman hadn't wanted the teacher to question his many bruises or skittish attitude. Takuto still felt anger flare up in him when he thought about it. Mitsuki had calmed him when he had started threatening to hunt that woman down. She had been quick to point out that they didn't even know if she was alive, when Izumi  _had_  actually died, another fact that always made Takuto realize he was merely a baby-sitter, not a father, and even if she  _was_ alive, how on Earth would they explain how they had her deceased yet alive child in their care? None of it would make sense. Still, Takuto promised himself that one day he would find that woman and he wasn't sure  _what_ he would do, but he would do  _something._

Several months passed and Takuto found himself loving being a father. Mitsuki was a bit more reserved about her role, but she never rained on her love's parade or brought Izumi down. No matter what, she was kind towards the child, but her mind was always thinking about the Izumi she knew and how this was affecting Meroko. Sometimes she worried that Takuto had completely forgotten  _why_  they were caring for Izumi and that it was supposed to be temporary. She was aware that she had pointed out to him that they couldn't let Meroko raise him, but she had really believed that Meroko would be able to find a solution within a year, but now, things were looking bleak and this looked much more long-term than she had been prepared for. Meroko had stopped coming over as often and she didn't even call as much as she had in the beginning. She always sounded so  _down_ , so hopeless, it was almost painful to hear her voice on the other end of the phone.

She knew Takuto had plans to guide Izumi towards Meroko in the future. They had discussed the matter; they didn't want him to think of her as an aunt or someone the same age as his new parents. Mitsuki still felt a tang of unease when thinking of herself as a parent while Takuto seemed to relish it. Clearly, he was father material. However, Mitsuki was beginning to have her doubts about Takuto's plans for Izumi's future romance. While Meroko was now definitely physically younger than she or Takuto, she was much more mature mentally. Mitsuki vaguely wondered how long it would take Izumi to catch up. Granted, he was very mature for his age, but they had so much time to fill before that time could come. They wouldn't even be able to legally date until he was eighteen at which point Meroko would be twenty-eight. What if Meroko found someone else? Should they be putting a leash on the two like this? Weren't they living  _new_  lives now? No matter how much she thought of it that way, she  _knew_  Meroko didn't want this. She wanted her life with Izumi back. They had all come to suspect that Naoko had knocked the memory clear out of Izumi when he and Meroko had been questioning her authority. But the real question was why did she decide not to take Meroko's away? It seemed too cruel a punishment, in Mitsuki's eyes.

One night, after making sure Izumi was in bed, she and Takuto had a discussion about him and Meroko. They had both noticed something that they wondered if the other had noticed as well.

"He doesn't talk to girls in his class," Takuto said quietly when they both settled on the couch, ready to pen some lyrics for a song. Taking care of a child, working, and attending classes didn't leave much room for songwriting. And when they did sit down to do so, they usually found themselves discussing Izumi or Meroko.

"I noticed that, too," Mitsuki agreed, also keeping her voice down lest Izumi somehow pick up on it without their knowledge. "He acts uncomfortable around me and his friends' moms, too. He also tries to avoid Meroko when she does come over." There was a long pause before she summed up the situation aloud, "He's scared of women."

Takuto scoffed, "Well, considering the experience he had with his mother, it shouldn't be a surprise."

"It's not," Mitsuki readily agreed. "But do you think," she intertwined her hands nervously, "do you think he's  _attracted_  to girls? They say you can tell at a young age and, Takuto, he doesn't seem interested in girls at  _all."_

Takuto shrugged. "I don't know. It's probably too early to tell. He  _is_  really into sports," he pointed out, though, he knew that wasn't saying much.

Mitsuki didn't look convinced, either. "They say you can tell early by subtle signs," she gently countered. "Takuto, what are we going to tell Meroko if Izumi doesn't  _like_  girls?"

Takuto bit his lip, thinking back to the Izumi he had known in the shinigami world. Now that he thought about it, Izumi had, at times, seemed sexually ambiguous. He had eyes only for Meroko in the end, but now he was being raised in a completely different environment with different people. Meroko had been the first person to really show him affection once he had become a shinigami. Takuto frowned slightly, thinking it must have been hard to go from being in a six-year-old body to being a fully grown shinigami within minutes. He ran his hand over his face, defeated. "I-I don't know, Mitsuki. I don't know. Let's not say anything yet. Maybe he's only scared. We don't know how he acted before his father died." Takuto sighed, pulling hard at his hair.

Mitsuki reached over and gently pulled Takuto's hands from his head. "Takuto," she began kindly, "you're right. Let's not say anything to Meroko. It is too soon, really." Takuto nodded slightly, but still didn't lift his head. Mitsuki squeezed his hands gently. "Takuto, you're doing a great job of being a father to him," she assured him.

Takuto lifted his head a little and grinned. "Thanks, Mitsuki. I am trying."

"Let's not worry for now and just focus on the present for the time being," she suggested.

"Right, okay," Takuto agreed.

Takuto was true to his word and did, indeed, seek out Izumi's mother. He stood before her grave in subdued dismay. It was hard to explain. He was sad that she was dead and yet he had still spoken so ill of her. He knew it was wrong to disrespect the dead, yet he felt no regret about what he'd said and would say them again in a heartbeat. He was sad that she and Izumi had never been able to make things right. He was upset he had never been able to give her a piece of his mind. But what brought him down the most were the other two graves next to hers.

To the right was the grave of the man who had been her husband. He couldn't believe how much earlier the man had died before his wife. It was hard to comprehend, he couldn't imagine leaving Mitsuki or her leaving him like that in such a final way. He shivered in the breeze and realized that he simply couldn't wait any longer to pop the question to Mitsuki. It was something he'd meant to do, it was just he knew they loved each other and never thought it to be a big deal. Staring at these two tombstones changed his mind. He wanted to say "'til death do us part" in front of witnesses and wanted Mitsuki to do the same.

The grave that really saddened Takuto was the one to the right of the man's. He stared at Izumi's grave, still not really able to shake how surreal the whole thing felt. Someone had recently placed roses at the grave and he vaguely wondered if it was Meroko or someone else who had known Izumi in life. It was so hard to connect the image of the boy he was raising as his own to the person who was supposed to be in the grave. Though, he was loathe to admit it, it was easier to picture this grave belonging to the shinigami Izumi he had known.

With one last glance at the three graves, he left the chilly cemetery, more determined than ever to officialize his relationship with Mitsuki and be an even better father to Izumi. After the marriage, there was one more thing he had decided to do, but he was sure Meroko would not be thrilled in the least to hear it.

Later that night, Mitsuki and Takuto were out while Izumi stayed with friends. They rarely went out anymore, finding it hard to work in personal time between work, school, and raising a child. Takuto wasn't sure why, but his stomach had curled into a ball of nerves. He knew Mitsuki wouldn't reject him, but it was still hard to force the question out of his mouth. He was much more aware of everything than he had ever been in his life. The candles flickering in the dim lighting, the friendly banter of other couples in the restaurant, and the wide smile plastered on Mitsuki's face. She was clearly enjoying this and chatting happily about songs she was penning and singing, the homework she'd helped Izumi with, and her own homework.

He heard everything she said, but was too nervous to contribute much to the conversation. He wasn't sure how romantic it was still considered, but he had asked the waiter to bring a wine glass out with the engagement ring at the bottom.

The look of pure ecstasy on Mitsuki's face when she found it made Takuto wonder why he had put this off for so long. She jumped up and down and rushed around the table to hug him. "Yes, yes!" Mitsuki put the ring on, happy tears streaming down her face. "Of course!"

Some other couples realized what was going on and chanted, "Kiss! Kiss!"

Takuto and Mitsuki did kiss and their small audience burst into applause.

Meroko was not surprised to hear news of the wedding or even be invited to it. She wasn't surprised that Izumi would be the ring-bearer. She wasn't surprised when Meroko asked her to be a bridesmaid. She was surprised at how annoyed she was at the whole affair. Her life had been dashed all around her and Takuto and Mitsuki's just kept getting better and better, it seemed. She had also noticed, to her growing dismay, that her friendship with the two was fraying a bit around the edges. It wasn't anything obvious. It was just they all seemed more reserved around each other, something that had never been a problem before. Even so, she went to the wedding in her bridesmaid attire. The singer named Madoka was Mitsuki's maid of honor.

The wedding was a simple ceremony, nothing too extravagant and nothing too long. Mitsuki and Takuto were both bursting with excitement and happiness, practically walking on air. It was an absolutely gorgeous occasion, but Meroko was glad when it was all over. She had felt her heart pound every time she looked at the little Izumi and couldn't help but think it unfair they never got the chance to be the stars of their own wedding ceremony.

One evening well into the school year and after the wedding, Izumi laughed as he caught a ball with his foot. He and Takuto were playing soccer in front of their apartment with makeshift goals. Takuto grinned, always pleased when that look of pure joy crossed Izumi's young face. Izumi looked down at the ball and made to kick it, but stopped short, his grin fading.

Takuto looked around, confused. "What? What's wrong, Izumi?"

Izumi considered the ball carefully before looking up at Takuto. "Uh, Dad," he began carefully. Takuto had grown used to this over the months, though he could tell Mitsuki was still a bit surprised every time she heard it. The boy had not taken to calling Mitsuki 'Mom,' however, but neither wanted to question him. Izumi's speech and vocabulary had also improved considerably after being treated right and making sure he was at school. Izumi went on hesitantly, "Why do you and Mitsuki always call me 'Izumi?' I-I don't mind, it's just that... I wondered..." he trailed off, glancing at another apartment.

Takuto recognized the other apartment immediately. Two brothers lived there that often came over to play with Izumi. They had probably asked why he was called "Izumi" and not "Lio" by the two people who were raising him. It was definitely a legitimate question. "Does it bother you?"

Izumi was quick to shake his head, playing nervously with the ball. "No, I was just...curious."

"If it does, I will call you Lio. It's just that-that's," and Takuto felt a jolt go through him. Suddenly, he realized he  _missed_  Izumi, the one he had known as a shinigami, and he wondered if Meroko felt like this all the time. "That's how I know you," he finished quietly in a pained voice.

Izumi contemplated him for a moment before crossing the short distance between them. He looked up at Takuto curiously, that nagging feeling he had that there was something he wasn't being told tugging at him like it usually did. "Dad, are you okay?" he asked softly. "I really don't mind." And he wished that smile that usually graced Takuto's face would come back. He hated to think he had caused the man to look so sad.

Takuto enveloped the boy in a hug and squeezed tightly. "Good, good. If it does ever bother you, tell me, okay? I don't ever want you to feel alone or sad or like you can't talk to me or Mitsuki, okay,  _Lio Izumi?"_  he asked, making sure to emphasize the whole name, so Izumi knew that he did know and remember the boy's full name. Some small part of Takuto was always worrying over Izumi's state of mental and emotional health. After all, the boy had successfully committed suicide at the age of six, he felt that was more than enough cause for alarm.

Izumi returned the hug gratefully, feeling relief wash over him. It had been the perfect answer, really. One he was happy to have. "I like being called Izumi," he reassured Takuto. It was nice to be called by a name and not be constantly yelled at and physically abused. Sometimes, Izumi felt as though he had died and gone to heaven. He wasn't really sure what had happened to his mother, but he was too scared to bring her up. He feared just mentioning her would shatter the world he was currently in. Every day he wondered if he hadn't died when hit by the train and if this was Heaven or some kind of amazing gift  _from_  Heaven. Either way, he didn't want to complain and he didn't want it to end.


	7. Cumbersome

_I have become cumbersome to this world_

_There is a balance between two worlds_  
One with an arrow and a cross  
Regardless of the balance life has become cumbersome

_Your life has become cumbersome._

_~Cumbersome by Seven Mary Three_

It seemed like it would never end, Meroko thought, resting her forehead against the window. Rain streaked the pane and lightning lit up the sky. She sighed miserably, watching the sky bathe the earth. It had been nearly  _ten_  years since that horrible event had led to she and Izumi being  _alive_  again. She had tried so hard, she had gone down every avenue in an attempt to make contact with  _any_ being in the afterlife. She had even considered killing herself again, but she feared she would be cut off from Izumi completely and forever if she did go through with that. She wasn't even sure if she'd be able to speak with Takuto or Mitsuki if she committed suicide again or even what would happen to her. She'd never heard of a shinigami that had been brought back to life and committed suicide. Maybe this was it. Maybe if she messed up this time, there would be no afterlife for her. Maybe she would simply vanish.

What lesson was she supposed to learn from this experience? What was the purpose of Noako's punishment? Why had she stripped Izumi of all his memories, but left hers all intact? Meroko was desperate for answers and when she dwelt on it too long, she found tears burning in her eyes such as now. She wondered if this was how it was supposed to be. She had tried so many times to convince herself that if she really loved Izumi she would let him have this second chance at life without constantly trying to find a way to rip him away from it.

She had tried going on dates, she had tried to tell herself that he was never coming back, that there was no longer any place for her in his life, but she found she just couldn't do it. On her dates, she would always be reminded of him, somehow, whether it was the color of her date's eyes, the smile, the disinterested look, or the place. Sometimes, it was the waiter that caused Izumi to pop into her head, other times it was another male customer, or just a simple gesture her date did. When she was alone, she found herself almost constantly thinking of him. She tried so hard, but she just couldn't let it go. And now,  _now..._

She glanced down at the card on the ledge that had made her even more depressed than what she usually was. She was nearly always sad and weary now, her cheerful edge long gone. Mitsuki had given it to her a week ago at her work. She had been nervous and a little guarded. Mitsuki was pregnant with her and Takuto's first child. Those two were the only reason Meroko could find to be grateful for Izumi turning back into an innocent and naive child. After marriage, the two had tried for several years to conceive a child, but had no luck. Still, Mitsuki had acted a little stranger than normal even for being pregnant and Meroko knew why.

They had stopped contacting her as much, they didn't like to be reminded that Izumi, whom they considered their child now, was not  _supposed_  to be their child. At first Mitsuki had been uneasy, but after about two years she grew into her role as a mother and never looked back. It made Meroko feel even more alone. How come those three got to be closer than family while she felt completely cut off from everyone,  _everywhere?_  She had even found it hard to fit into this new time period she'd been thrust into. She still did. Even her old friend had left this world now. It was so overwhelming sometimes, she just wanted to scream and disappear. She almost had a couple times too, but she refused to give up on Izumi,  _her_  Izumi, the one she remembered and missed dearly. She  _refused_.

The card was an invitation to Izumi's sixteenth birthday. Mitsuki had come out of obligation, she knew. Both she and Takuto had really gotten lax in keeping in touch with her especially since Izumi had started to  _look_ like the Izumi they had all known. Mitsuki had given Meroko that look that just  _dared_ her to ask what they would do if she ever brought back the Izumi from the shinigami world. Meroko wondered if it were even possible now. This Izumi was completely different. Would it matter even if she did contact the shinigami world? What would happen if he  _was_  given memories of their time together? Meroko found it hard to believe this new Izumi would just up and vanish. She wished it, but doubted it. She supposed this new personality would have to merge with the old one if it were ever the case.

_Sixteen_ , she glanced over at the gift bag she had on the bed. Of course she would stop by for a little bit. She didn't plan to stay long, but she just couldn't  _not_  go. The gift was just a simple pair of headphones with an iTunes giftcard. She couldn't think of much else to get him. She knew he liked sports, but she didn't know which he was into. Sighing, she pushed herself away from the window and picked up the bag, preparing herself to go out into the rain and make her way to Mitsuki and Takuto's house. They had purchased it three years ago after having saved money. Both were very famous singers by now, having hit song after hit song.

She felt another twinge of jealousy. Not only do they  _both_  get a second chance at life, but they are blessed with fame and fortune, more than she had in her life, even now, she held two jobs to pay for her measly apartment. At first the two couldn't help, they were struggling, though they  _wanted_  to help. Now they could help, but she suspected they didn't want to. Anything to keep her busy and away from their happy family. They had wonderful lives  _and_  Izumi while she had  _nothing._  It was hard not to be bitter about it and she often found herself short-tempered and snappish with her co-workers. She was someone they did not want to cross.

She glared down at the card remembering what had happened several months after Takuto and Mitsuki's marriage. Life had been so crazy then, Meroko was always trying to find some way,  _any_  way to bring Izumi back. She also had trouble finding an apartment, then she had to get a job to pay for rent. She knew she could have lived with Takuto and Meroko, but simply couldn't bring herself to ask. Besides, she didn't think she would be comfortable around the new Izumi and she was sure they wouldn't be comfortable with the situation, either. Then they had told her they were going to legally adopt Izumi.

_"What do you mean, 'legally adopt?'" Meroko had asked in shock, positive she must have heard the couple wrong._

_"We just think this is best, it's easier on us and it makes everything more..." Takuto trailed off, stopping short when he realized what he was saying._

_"More what?" Meroko demanded. "More **official?**  You're just giving up on Izumi! The  **real**  one!" she accused through her angry tears. "Why can't you and Mitsuki just have your own child or legally adopt a different child? Why does it have to be  **Izumi?!"**_

_Mitsuki had tried to reach out and comfort her, but Meroko had brushed her hands away, not wanting to be quieted. Takuto looked grim. "Meroko, it's been nearly two years. If this is how it's going to be, then we **do**  want to raise Izumi and give him the best life we can," he explained in earnest._

_Meroko wasn't hearing the sincerity in his voice or the pleading tone he had taken. She could only hear the words and they only registered in her mind as "We give up." She hated this. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She balled her fists tightly and clenched her teeth, new determination shooting through her. "I **will**  find a way, I  **will.** " she insisted quietly before turning on her heels and hurrying out, leaving the couple to stare after her sadly._

Meroko shook her head at the memories. Every time she thought of them, it was like a slap in the face. Ten years later, and she still had nothing, while they still had everything.

She had taken her time to arrive at the party. She had not wanted to be early, but not too late, either. She wanted to slip in and then slip out within half an hour. Izumi was pretty popular in school, thanks to his love for sports. He wasn't the star player or anything, but he was good and a team player. Takuto and Mitsuki were both impressed with the good grades he kept as well. Meroko was sure they were a bit disappointed that his interest didn't spill over into the world of music. Last she heard, he didn't even care for the genre of music the two wrote and sang for. It was one of the few things she could find to be grateful for. She took a deep breath, preparing to go inside. She was ready to dance on eggshells with Takuto and Mitsuki as always. Her relationship with them was already so strained, she feared she would accidentally say something that would permanently damage it and she did not want to be cut off from Izumi anymore than what she was.

Takuto and Mitsuki both greeted her with smiles that were a little too wide and eyes that were too bright to be truly sincere. She allowed a small, guarded smile herself. She held up the small bag. "I, uh, I wasn't really sure what to get. I can't stay too long, I have to go to work this evening. Someone called in sick," she explained nervously. It was half truthful. She did have work, but no one had called in sick. She had purposely asked for a shift today so she could cut out of the party early. She just didn't want Mitsuki and Takuto to think she didn't care and hadn't planned on coming at all or, worse, had  _forgotten._

Takuto and Mitsuki both looked visibly relieved at her planned early departure and some of the tension in the air melted straight away. "I know how that is," Takuto said easily, offering a more sincere smile. Meroko bit her lip and said nothing, knowing that both had jobs they loved now and would talk about it all the time. They were even featured in magazines. She was sure this only added to Izumi's popularity at his school. She couldn't say she cared much for her unglamourous job.

Mitsuki nodded in understanding, but didn't comment on the matter. "We're putting the gifts over here," she told Meroko, pointing to a nearby table, lined with brightly colored presents. Meroko set the gift on the table, glancing out the window. That's where everyone was, it seemed. Izumi and a group of boys were tossing a ball around while some girls lounged on seats on the porch, sipping sodas and juices. Meroko watched as one of the boys said something to Izumi and his face lit up with laughter. She turned away slowly, the sight causing mixed feelings. It was painful,  _she_  wanted to be the cause of that joy again, but she would be lying if she said it was the most unguarded she'd ever seen him. It was harder to walk, like a weight of sadness and bitterness was bearing down on her shoulders and back. It was harder to breathe, she could hardly look Mitsuki and Takuto in the eyes, and she couldn't even  _look_  at Izumi after that. She wanted to leave, she wanted to leave  _now._ Before Izumi and his friends came inside to eat cake and open presents. But, what could she do? She had to stay for a little while. She had just barely gotten there.

Mitsuki lipped her licks, noticing the paleness that had suddenly shaded Meroko's face after peeking out the window. She glanced out herself and noticed Izumi laughing with some friends. She smiled a little before returning her attention back to Meroko. Izumi had been looking more and more like the shinigami they had all known. Now he definitely looked just like the old Izumi, only he didn't act much like him at all. He was so much more open and much less reserved. Mitsuki had to admit that over the years she and Takuto had tried to distance themselves from Meroko as much as possible, wanting their little family to stay together and not be torn apart by Meroko.

Mitsuki knew she tried to cast blame on Meroko, but really, it would be the  _truth_  that tore them apart. She wondered if Izumi knew, would he ever think of her and Takuto the same again? Like a Mom and Dad. It had been a little over a year after he had grown used to calling Takuto "Dad" that he had finally asked to call her "Mom." She had been uncomfortable with it at first, but not so much anymore. She enjoyed it now and liked it. It was selfish of her, she knew, but after a couple years of trying to conceive a child with Takuto she had wanted to keep Izumi for herself, wanting to forget where he came from or his past life or how Meroko had any ties to him whatsoever. But it wouldn't just go away and deep down, she knew keeping the truth from Izumi was wrong. Takuto thought differently, she knew. He thought they were protecting him from something horrible, but sometimes she wondered if they weren't the ones he needed protecting from now.

Mitsuki finally pulled herself away from her thoughts. "Meroko, is everything all right?" she asked, simply, though she knew full well the answer to that question. Nothing had been okay for Meroko in a decade.

Meroko started to shake her head, blinking back tears, but as if realizing what she was doing, quickly changed to nodding her head instead. "Y-yeah, everything's great," she assured her. Both ignored the waver in her voice, not wanting to acknowledge the unspoken words. Mitsuki nodded, happy to lay the subject to rest. Meroko decided to take a tour of the hallway which was full of pictures of the Takuto, Mitsuki, and Izumi, looking the spitting image of a happy family.

Mitsuki noticed her staring at the pictures, and couldn't resist her maternal instinct to explain them to Meroko. "That's when we went to Australia for a week last year. This one is us in the United States last year, oh, and this one is of us in England. It was so much fun! Look at this one," she waved Meroko over to a picture in the center. It was one of those frames that had twelve slots so you could see your child progress throughout their school years. Izumi's was full up to his latest year in school. There was one nice, big recent picture of him in the center of the frame. Mitsuki smiled happily at it. "Only two more to go before he's finished with school completely. It's too bad they don't force kids to take yearly pictures in college. Izumi still hasn't decided where he's going to go..."

_She speaks of him as if she really_ _ **did**_ _give birth to him and raise him. Though, I guess she_ _ **did**_ _raise him,_ Meroko thought while listening to Mitsuki list off the different subjects Izumi was interested in pursuing a career in.  _They still call him Izumi, even after all these years_. She looked back to the top of the school frame. It was labeled Lio Izumi. Apparently, they referred to him as Lio sometimes. As Mitsuki continued to babble on about the future, Meroko felt ice constrict around her stomach. She did a sweeping glance of the pictures again, seeing the smiling faces, the  _family_  staring out at her. It was getting harder to breathe again.

If she did succeed in her quest to restore Izumi's memories, her life wouldn't be the only one changed anymore. She would basically be destroying this image of a family they had created. It would devastate Mitsuki and Takuto, she knew, if their family were to be torn apart. And what would Izumi say, what would he  _think?_  It made her wonder what kind of person she was to want to erase the existence of this family. She knew it was part of the reason she was okay with not checking in as regularly as she should. She hated to see this happy family, she hated to think she would be the one to tear it apart.

It wasn't as if she  _wanted_ to think of herself as their enemy or of Takuto and Mitsuki as  _her_  enemies. They just each wanted something completely different and, sadly, in order to get what one wanted, the other party would be unable to get what they wanted. It was a horrible place to be. They weren't really friends anymore, but they weren't enemies, either. She wouldn't call them frenemies, either. Just people who didn't want to hurt each other, but would _have_  to in order to achieve their goals.

The women heard commotion in the hall and both turned to watch the group of teenagers enter the house, rowdy and noisy. Meroko could hear snatches of conversation, but it was nothing too exciting. Just a lot of good-natured teasing. She felt another pang of jealousy. Her only friends were her co-workers if she could even call them that. And the only time she spent with them was at work, being miserable.

Izumi spotted her and grinned. "Hey, Meroko!" he called, coming over to give her a hug. He had asked his parents about Meroko often out of pure curiosity. Apparently, she was not related to them, she wasn't a childhood friend of Mitsuki or Takuto's, and she wasn't related to him by his birth mother, yet he could remember her being a frequent part of his life since being found by Takuto. His parents were always really dodgy when he brought up where she came from and what connection she had to them.

He and his friends speculated that maybe she was a special government agent. One friend had even suggested that maybe she was a fugitive on the run from the law. Whatever she was, she seemed to pop up for special occasions from time to time and always alone and distant. She would act strange when he tried to make conversation with her and rarely met his eyes. His parents acted strange around her, too. When the three were together, he could feel the tension in the air.

Meroko's world froze, her words stuck in her throat. Mitsuki and Takuto had failed to inform her that his voice had changed. Now, not only did he look like the Izumi she had known, but he  _sounded_  exactly like him, too. And of all the times, he wanted to give her a hug. Usually he just waved, once he had winked, but most of the time he would just wave and smile. She stiffened and didn't return the hug, feeling very uncomfortable at the sudden scrutiny from Mitsuki and Takuto and the obvious change in his voice. Izumi dropped his arms, puzzled, but kept his smile. She finally pushed through her shock, but refused to meet his or anyone else's eyes. "I, uh, I got you a little gift. It's on the table. I have to go to work, but I wanted to tell you 'happy birthday.' Hope you like it." Her words were rushed and sounded cold even to herself, harsh almost.

Izumi cocked his head and glanced over at the table, still grinning, despite her tone of voice. "I'm sure I will, thanks! Sorry you can't stay, though."

"It's okay, I gotta go," Meroko insisted, giving Izumi an unreadable look before spinning around and rushing past Mitsuki and Takuto. She made haste to clear out of the neighborhood as fast as she could.

Izumi and a few friends stared at where she'd been, shocked.

"Wow, that was interesting," one boy piped up.

"Crazy," another girl agreed.

"Hey, she  _is_  on the run from the law," another boy squealed, delighted at the idea.

Takuto crossed his arms and chuckled, shaking his head. "On the run?" he scoffed.

"We've already told you her job," Mitsuki pointed out with a frown. Something wasn't sitting right with her. She needed to go after Meroko.

"That's what she  _says_  is her job. That's probably just her cover. I think she's a speical agent."

Takuto rolled his eyes. Mitsuki bit her lip and the two exchanged a glance. Takuto understood right away. Later, Mitsuki would visit Meroko. Right now, though, they needed to celebrate their son's birth.

After they said goodbye to the last of Izumi's friends, Mitsuki and Takuto started cleaning, Mitsuki still pondering over what had happened with Meroko earlier. Takuto picked up on this, glancing out at the moon. "It's late," he pointed out.

"I know," Mitsuki agreed somberly, taking her time picking up the area, trying to sort all her thoughts. They were always so confused when it came to Meroko. She also looked out the window, recalling when Meroko had earlier and seen a joyous Izumi. She paused shortly. "I will go tomorrow."

"We owe it to her, at least," Takuto agreed with a heavy voice, shaking his head slightly. "This is so... _complicated."_ He paused shortly. _"_ It was his voice. _"_

Mitsuki nodded her head in silent agreement, turning away from the window, already trying to rehearse the conversation she and Meroko would be having the next day.

Izumi stood in the kitchen near the entrance, listening to his parents' bizarre conversation. Meroko always made them act so strange, and she left tension and weariness in her wake. His parents always acted like she had dropped a heavy burden on them. They were much too young to sound so old, he thought with a frown. He silently glided to his room, with the feeling that Meroko was important to their life somehow, but not as a secret agent or fugitive. He paused at his bed, glancing over his shoulders at the door where he could hear his parents rustling around with stuff down the hall. He had offered to help, but they had insisted he not since it was his birthday. He considered going back out to them to talk about something that had been bothering him or ask again about Meroko, but decided to let it all rest for the day. There was always tomorrow.

While Izumi took comfort in the thought of tomorrow, Meroko despised the thought of tomorrow. At first, she had found comfort in it, always thinking that  _tomorrow_ Izumi would be back to normal. But then it turned into  _next week_ and then  _next month._ After years passed, she could simply not find any comfort in the thought of tomorrow because she knew tomorrow would bring forth the same pain that today and yesterday had brought her.

She came in from work that night, still trying to block out images of the birthday party, of all the pictures on the wall, and of Izumi himself. It wasn't as if she hadn't seen the pictures before, she had just never really  _looked_  at them before. She  _knew_  Izumi had been looking more and more like his former self, but she just hadn't expected to hear  _her_ Izumi's voice coming from that mouth. She knew it was stupid, she knew she  _should have_ expected it, but it had taken her completely off-guard. She had been a mess at work and her co-worker had insisted she leave early, fearing Meroko was ill.

Meroko stood in front of her mirror, staring at her reflection. It was one other thing she had so much trouble getting used to. She had never seen herself past the age of her suicide, but now a twenty-six year old body stared out at her from the mirror. Sometimes, Meroko couldn't quite believe it was  _her_ that she was staring at. Her hair was short now and she kept up with her physical appearance as best she could, but nothing she did could hide the dark circles under her eyes, or the sadness said eyes held. Her smile never spread wide as it once had. It barely even tugged at the corners of her mouth anymore and even moving that much muscle brought her pain. She often stared at her reflection, disgusted with herself.

Disgusted that she had allowed so much time to pass without resolving this problem, disgusted she was still alive, disgusted she had let Noako have this much control, just in general disgust with everything and everyone. At times, she even lashed out at Izumi in anger. How  _dare_  he forget everything while she was still saddled with all these memories.  _Why_  had he knocked her out of the way of that light? At first, it had seemed like her shinigami life had been a dream, but now it seemed like  _this_  life was a waking nightmare while her shinigami life had been the real thing.

She was unable to tear her eyes away from her reflection as she thought back on the party. No matter what she did, she could still hear Izumi's voice clear as crystal in her mind and it had sounded  _so_  much like before, for a couple of brief seconds, she had actually thought that it  _was_ Izumi, the one she had known so well. It had taken everything she had not to scream and cry right there at the party. She frowned as she realized she  _was_  crying now. She stepped closer to the mirror and watched as her shoulders shook. The disgust, frustration, and sadness ripped through her throat in a scream and she hit the mirror. It felt good, she realized, like a release. She screamed again and hit the mirror again and again until it cracked and pieces began to shatter and fall to the floor. She ignored the blood on her knuckles and would have continued if not for the banging on her apartment door. She quickly realized a neighbor must have heard the noise.

"Hey!" someone cried out in concern. "Is everything okay in there?"

It took Meroko a moment to find her voice. "Y-yeah, it's-it's fine," she struggled to get out, though it was a weak proclamation and she knew it wouldn't reassure the person on the other side of the door, if they had even heard it. She shot one last loathing look at herself before walking slowly to the door. She cracked it open and looked at the other person.

"Everything okay?"

Meroko looked at them sadly before lowering her eyes to the floor. "Yes, sorry for the noise, I-I just had a really bad day."

"Oh-okay, do you need someone to talk to?"

"Thanks, but I think I'm just going to go to bed. I'm really tired."

"Okay, but if you  _do_  need anything, I'm just around the corner."

"Thanks," Meroko muttered before shutting the door.

She turned her back to the door and leaned against it, feeling all the anger she'd had earlier leave her. In it's wake was sadness and despair that overwhelmed her. She slid to the ground, putting her head in her knees and sobbing loudly, gasping for breath at times. Tears stained her face and splattered to the floor and wet her clothes. Snot ran down her nose and got in her mouth and on her sleeves. She swiped at it a couple times and wondered how actresses ever managed to make crying look like such an art form. But mostly, she just thought of Izumi and how much she missed him and how none of this was fair. She remained that way, wishing that tomorrow would never come.


	8. Tomorrow

As it always did, tomorrow did come. Mitsuki awoke early and got ready right away to visit Meroko. Takuto woke up with her and fixed breakfast. They ate together while conversing earnestly, both expressing their nervousness about the planned visit.

"I just feel so uncomfortable," Mitsuki said, after swallowing a mouthful of food.

Takuto nodded. "That's the first time she ever just  _ran_  away like that. She usually manages to hold it together for at least an hour. That was less than twenty minutes."

"She's stuck. She can't forget and move on. It's like her entire existence is in freeze frame."

"And has been for ten years now."

"It must be sad," Mitsuki said quietly, staring at her plate.

Takuto frowned. "I'm sure it is, but, Mitsuki, let's not forget this involves  _Izumi_ and  _us_  as a family. He was given a  _second chance_  at life and so far it's been a good one. We tried for a long time to find a way to return things back to how they had been, but nothing ever came of it. Maybe this is just how things are  _supposed_  to be."

"Yeah," Mitsuki agreed with a nod. It was true. They  _had_  tried for the first three years. Takuto had never been quite as on board as her and Meroko, but, still, he had contributed. It was just when no progress was made that Takuto and Mitsuki had both resolved it was their duty to show Izumi how good life really could be. "It would have been much easier if Meroko's memories had been wiped, too."

"I know. I wish they had been. I don't know why they weren't. Maybe it was a glitch or something." Takuto leaned back and shook his head. "If it's supposed to be a punishment, seems pretty harsh even for a shinigami."

"Maybe." Mitsuki got up from the table with a sigh. "I'm going to go now. She should be up."

"Sure you don't want company?"

Mitsuki shook her head. "No, no offense Takuto, but I think you intimidate her. When the two of you are together, things feel even more... _intense_." It was true. Meroko and Takuto had exchanged heated words over Izumi more than once especially right about the time Takuto and Mitsuki had decided to legally adopt Izumi. Mitsuki had been surprised Meroko was willing to ever enter their living space again, but she knew it had been only because of Izumi that Meroko couldn't cut herself off completely from them.

Takuto didn't say anything regarding the matter, but a silent understanding passed between them. "Okay. Good luck," he wished her in earnest.

Mitsuki nodded before disappearing.

Meroko was home and wide awake when Mitsuki knocked on the door. She was surprised to see her but let her in. Mitsuki was surprised at how barren the place was. There were no really decorative items in the apartment. It was just the basic stuff. The TV was small and old, the couch was an ugly color, and the tiny table in the dining area looked like it was about to crumble. The entire placed seemed a little darker than it should despite the sunlight streaming in through the slits in the dusty blinds. Mitsuki was speechless. She had never really thought about it, but she had never been to any of Meroko's places. Instead, the other woman was always visiting them.

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper," Meroko said, noticing Mitsuki's concerned sweep of the area. As per usual, though, there was no cheer in her voice. Mitsuki didn't think there had been any true enthusiasm in Meroko's voice in several years. "So, what brings you here?" Meroko asked, though she was sure it had to do with Izumi's party. Still, surely they weren't angry at her? They  _had_  wanted her to leave early. She was grateful her mirror was in the other room as she had not gotten around to picking up the pieces.

Mitsuki fiddled with her fingers uncomfortably taking a seat at the creaky table when offered. Meroko stood, also ill at ease, unsure what to do or say. "Would you like a drink? I have, umm, lemonade and water." She tried to crack a smile, but only a corner of her mouth twitched.

Mitsuki shook her head. "No, I'm good." She had been staring down at the table. She looked up and studied Meroko's face for a moment. Meroko returned the look, trying to not let her discomfort show. "Meroko, are you okay?"

She couldn't hide her shock at the question. "What?"

"Are you okay?"

 _"Now_ you ask? Don't you and Takuto hate me?"

Mitsuki couldn't hide her own shock. "What?" she squeaked.

"Oh, come  _on_ , Mitsuki! You and Takuto  _hate_  it when I'm over there because I  _remind_  you! I remind you that Izumi, he-he's not  _really_  your child. He's not  _really_  your son, legal adoption or not! You  _hate_  that! I can see it in your eyes!" Meroko's own eyes dared Mitsuki to try and deny it.

Mitsuki shot up, ready to bang her fist on the table and match words with Meroko, but she stopped herself and took a deep, steadying breath. She was here because she was concerned about Meroko as a friend, not because she wanted to fight over how Izumi's situation should be dealt with. It was long past due that they had this conversation. And Mitsuki  _couldn't_  deny that there was truth in Meroko's accusation. "You're right," she said simply, hoping to diffuse the situation and sat back down.

Some of the fire left Meroko's eyes and she stared at the other girl in surprise. Slowly she sat down, trying to grasp what had just happened. "What?" she mumbled through her shock.

Mitsuki found herself already blinking back tears. "We-we  _do_  hate that things are like this. It  _is_  kind of a slap in the face almost every time we see you and remember..." Mitsuki looked up at Meroko, her eyes pleading for understanding. "We lost two friends and gained a son, but, really, none of it's true, it-sometimes..." Mitsuki's voice fell to a whisper, "sometimes, it's hard to even breathe," she admitted meekly. Silent tears streaked her face and she blinked rapidly, trying to clear her vision. She hadn't come here with the intention of being so open, but the confession just slipped right out, and it felt good to get it out in the open.

Meroko's eyes snapped wide open at this confession, it was something she could relate to a little too well. The overbearing feeling of being unable to breathe. Like the world was crushing her, walls weren't far enough apart, and everything seemed to be closing in on her. This constant feeling of suffocation. She had believed it was a feeling only she experienced, but she now realized she wasn't suffering in solitude. She'd had a silent companion who was also feeling defeated, just in a different way. "Am I wrong?" she asked, tears sliding down her cheeks. "Am I selfish? I've tried, I've  _tried_  to let it go, I've  _tried,_ but nothing I do, nowhere that I go, it's like- _he's_  always in my face somehow! Someone always reminds me of Izumi!  _Always!"_ She gasped, suddenly it was hard to even speak. More tears came and she couldn't do anything but put her face in her hands and sob, overwhelmed. She was surprised she still had so many tears after her breakdown last night. Arms wrapped around her and she leaned heavily into Mitsuki, clutching at the other girl, crying her eyes out. It took her a moment to realize that Mitsuki's body was also shaking as sobs wracked her own body.

"Of course it's not selfish!" Mitsuki blurted through her tears. "I don't know if it's wrong. Are me and Takuto wrong? I don't know Meroko, I don't know!" Her voice fell to a whisper again. "I miss you and I miss Izumi, the one you were in love with. But I love  _this_  Izumi, too, my son and-and," a loud sob escaped as she tried to express her feelings to Meroko. "And I don't know if it's right! I don't know if I'm wrong, I  _don't know!"_ she admitted brokenly.

It was then Meroko remembered random titles of some of Mitsuki's songs.  _Not Knowing, Gray, The Space in Between Truth and Lies, Soul Divided._  Meroko had always  _known_  that Mitsuki sang about Izumi sometimes, but she had only assumed it was as her son, she had always thought those songs were directed at her as a warning. Now she realized that those songs were about Mitsuki's  _own_  feelings, which were apparently very similar to  _her_ feelings. She pulled away a little and looked up at Mitsuki's tear stained face. "I'm sorry, Mitsuki, I  _can't_  let go. I'm sorry."

Mitsuki sniffled, but nodded in understanding. "I understand. I can't let go, either.  _I'm_  sorry, too. I guess we'll be this way until Izumi figures something out," she said blearily.

Meroko nodded miserably. "That seems to be the only option now."

Both women fell silent, still hugging each other, recalling memories of happier times. Meroko wanted them back. Mitsuki wished they could, but she couldn't fathom losing the son she had raised as her own. If only there could be  _two_  Izumis, she thought wistfully.

Izumi woke with a start. He'd just had the strangest dream. He glared mildly at the ceiling, annoyance creeping up in him. The whole reason he'd had his party on a Friday night was so he could sleep in the next day. But after that bizarre dream he'd never get back to sleep, especially with the sunshine pouring through the window. Sighing, he pushed himself off the bed and headed towards the kitchen, the smell of homemade breakfast wafting through the air.

Takuto looked up from his paper, surprised to see Izumi up so early. "Hey, thought you were going to sleep in? This is unusual for you on a Saturday."

"Couldn't sleep," Izumi explained, fixing a plate for himself and sitting across the table from the man he considered his father.

Takuto put his paper down, concerned. "Still? You've been having trouble the past week."

"I was excited for the party," Izumi explained with a shrug. "And last night, I just kept having weird dreams." He started to eat, hoping Takuto wouldn't say anymore. He found the dreams to be a little embarrassing. He couldn't really figure out why they made it harder for him to sleep, they weren't so much terrifying as they were strange.

Takuto didn't drop the subject. "What kind of dreams?" he pressed.

"It's stupid," Izumi muttered through a mouthful of food.

"What?" Takuto asked again, his interest piqued. "What's stupid? Tell me," he persisted with a slight smile.

Izumi shook his head, smiling a little himself. "No, it's stupid." If pressed, Izumi knew he'd cave and tell Takuto. He felt more comfortable around his adoptive father than mother. He suspected a good deal of it had to do with his less than fond memories of his birth mother. He could barely recall his birth father, but remembered that his birth mother had been much happier before his death. He liked to think that Takuto was like his biological father.

"Come on, tell me! Is it a  _girl?_ " There was still some concern over Izumi's sexuality, but Takuto and Mitsuki could never think of a way to broach the subject.

"No. Dad, it's really stupid."

"Tell me, tell me!" It was good-natured ribbing, but the answer he received knocked all the fun out of the game.

"I just had a really weird dream that I was a shinigami," he said with a shake of his head. He started to laugh, but stopped short when Takuto went stockstill, all color draining from him. "Dad?" Izumi asked, concerned.  _"Dad?"_

It felt like the world had stopped. Takuto couldn't blink or even respond he was so taken off-guard. Mitsuki wasn't here. He had to say  _something._  Izumi was growing increasingly alarmed at his silence. Takuto shook his head slightly and laughed, but it was a little too forced and held no cheer. "That is stupid," he agreed with a fake grin, ignoring the alarms that were sounding off in his mind. Amidst his tumultuous thoughts, one phrase floated to the forefront of his mind.  _This, too, shall pass._ He prayed it was true.

 


	9. Insomniac

Mitsuki laughed as a small baby's hand grasped her own. Her baby girl, Rei, was now a toddler, trying to waddle around. She still wasn't quite at the age for potty training, though, much to Takuto's endless dismay. Izumi had handled having a younger sibling well, much to her relief. She glanced over at the phone hesitantly. She knew she had to make a call to Meroko.

It was nearing Izumi's eighteenth birthday now. Meroko had only popped in briefly for his seventeenth, her visit ending similarly to the one prior. Even after her visit, she and Meroko hardly spoke. They had made it clear they understood each other well enough and would each fight for what they wanted. Takuto had expressed his concerns to Mitsuki over the strange dream Izumi had told him about. They had both agreed to see if he spoke of it again, but he never mentioned another dream similar to it. She hoped it was just a one time thing, but there was a nagging doubt she had about it. Takuto pretended as though it had never happened. She felt he thought if he avoided the issue long enough, it would disappear.

Izumi sat heavily on his bed and stared out the window. It was raining. He'd never had a birthday where it didn't rain. Sometimes, it was heavy thunderstorms and other times it was simply scattered showers. He had always dismissed it as crazy weather and, most of the time, hadn't been bothered by it. It bothered him now. His birthday was coming and that would mean his parents' mysterious friend Meroko would be coming along as well.

He'd had that first dream nearly two years ago and he didn't have another one to nearly a year later  _after_  he saw Meroko  _again_  on his seventeenth birthday. He had contemplated telling his parents, but remembering Takuto's strange reaction to his earlier confession, decided against it. Not wanting to bring Meroko up to his parents and having no clue about where she worked or any kind of social life she might have, he decided to simply wait for his next birthday and see if he had that strange dream again. It was a long wait, but he couldn't think of anything else. Besides, it wasn't as if he were plagued with the dream throughout the year. Maybe she was a witch?  _Could she be a shinigami?_  he thought puzzled, before shaking his head.  _That's ridiculous._  Talk about paranoid. Still, he was bothered by the rain because it always rained in that strange dream as well.

She would be coming later this week. He was sure that would mean he'd have that dream again. He couldn't figure out  _why_  Meroko caused them, but he was pretty certain of it and, this week, he would be one hundred percent sure. He had mixed feelings about this upcoming birthday, he dreaded it and could hardly wait for it at the same time. It felt almost like the end of something and the beginning of something new, but he was at a loss as to what that "something" was.

Meroko blew some hair out of her face before knocking on Mitsuki and Takuto's door, a small gift bag in her hand. It was the day of Izumi's birthday and, as usual, it was showering. She glanced up at the sky. It seemed as though every time she came to visit Izumi it was raining. She wondered if her sadness was so deep, that the weather shared her pain?  _Nah, that's crazy,_  she told herself, waiting to be let in.  _I'm just going to give them the gift and say I have to rush off to work. That's it. I really don't want to see Izumi, I really_ _ **don't.**_  She thought if she told herself it enough times, she would actually begin to believe it.

The door swung open and a smiling Izumi stood on the other side of the screen. "Hey, Meroko!" He opened the screen and waved her in. "You're early," he tried to make simple conversation, remembering how she was always so uncomfortable and skittish when around. Meroko met his eyes briefly before breaking contact and focusing on the floor.

"Uh, yeah, I can't stay. I have to work, but I wanted to give this to you." She held out the bag for him to take, looking anywhere but his eyes. It would figure, he would answer the door the one time she had planned to not even enter the house.

Izumi slowly took the bag from her, trying to think of something to say. "You know, you've never said where you work, Meroko." He knew his mother knew, he just didn't want his mother to ask why he had this sudden curiosity about it, and he didn't want to go into detail with her. He knew how much tension Meroko caused his parents.

"Oh, it's just a low wage job," she mumbled. "Nothing fancy." She shrugged. She made a show to look at the tiny watch on her wrist. "Oh, look at the time! I have to go. Tell your mom and dad I said, 'hi' and happy birthday, Izumi!" She spoke quickly, not taking any time to breathe in between words. "Tell them I'll visit them and the baby sometime," she said, trying to leave on more friendly terms, but she knew they would know she had no intention of it. She rushed out, ignoring Izumi when he called her name a couple of times. He gave up on trying to get her to stop and yelled a thank you from the front of his house.

Izumi looked at the bag curiously. Meroko usually gave him some kind of gift card. Last year, it had been a gift card to the movies with a couple of DVDs stuffed into the bag. Making sure his parents wouldn't spy him, he peeked inside. Another gift card. He pulled it out curiously.  _To the mall? And...a box of memory cards? Weird._  Maybe she wasn't as special as he had thought. He supposed he would find out that night. Hearing his mother, he put the gifts back in the bag and set it on the table. He would have thought more on it, but a couple of his friends pulled into the drive, effectively distracting him from any curiosities he might have about Meroko.

Meroko stared glumly at the floor. A broom was in her hand, but it hardly moved.

"You are  _always_  so down." Meroko looked over at her energetic co-worker who was sweeping with enthusiasm. Hana was usually upbeat and generally paired up with Meroko. She hadn't been lying when she said her job wasn't fancy. She worked as a janitor in a doctor's office. They usually went after hours, though, so not many people were there except the stragglers. Meroko also worked in the mornings at a tiny coffee shop. She threw herself into the work, trying to forget  _everything._ But she never could.

Hana looked over at Meroko, trying to get a smile out of her. "Come on,  _smile! Smile!_  I know you can!"

Meroko offered a tiny grin before sighing and pushing her broom.

"What's wrong?" Hana generally tried not to ask, because there was  _always_  something wrong with Meroko. The woman was never happy, and Hana couldn't remember ever seeing her truly happy in the two years they had worked together.

"I don't know. Do you ever feel like life's moving on without you? Everything's changing but you never are?"

"Uh, sometimes," Hana easily admitted. "Everyone does sometimes. Is this about your lost love?" she asked sincerely. Meroko had opened up a little to Hana over the years. It wasn't much, but Hana did know that Meroko had loved and lost. From what little she could glean from the other, Meroko had been left and he had moved on and was happy with a family now. Hana understood pining over lost love and nursing broken hearts as she'd had a couple herself, but nursing one for twelve years was a bit  _extreme_  in her opinion. Time was supposed to heal all wounds, but Meroko, apparently, was timeless.

Meroko leaned heavily into her broom, the weight she always felt on her shoulders bearing down heavier than usual. It was hard to believe that Izumi was eighteen now. It had been over ten years now, more than a decade. It just didn't feel right, nothing did anymore. "Yeah," she confirmed softly, feeling tears prick at the back of her eyes. She blinked rapidly, not wanting to cry. It had been a long time since she'd cried at work. It had been embarrassing when she first started working, she'd randomly break down in hysterics. She'd lost a couple jobs because of that. She had eventually learned to save it all for when she got to her place after work. Then she would ball her eyes out and scream into a pillow. And she couldn't get fired or let go for it.

Her co-worker gave her another concerned look. "Hey, Meroko, if you need to go home, I got this covered, okay?"

"No, no," Meroko insisted, shaking her head. "I need this. It's a distraction."

Hana beamed. "Hey, if it's a distraction that you need, I'm  _all_  over it! I'm going to the movies later with some friends. Why don't you come?" Hana had been trying to get Meroko out for over a year now, but Meroko was never up for it. She sighed. "Meroko, you have to  _let go_. I think getting out would help you."

Meroko was doubtful. She had a feeling she would simply spend the whole time thinking about how she'd rather Izumi be there. Besides, she didn't do too well socially. She seemed to be stuck in a perpetual state of wondering when their souls would be led away from the Earth, and she often found herself wondering if the current working shinigami had caught up with all their work.

Hana sensed this and went on, "You know, how about eating dinner with just me and one friend before we go? And then,  _if_  you want, you can come to the movies with us and meet our other friends? 'Cause I really think you need a break, girl. Come on, you  _know_  you want to!"

Meroko had to admit that was less intimidating than meeting up with a group of strangers by herself, so Meroko reservedly agreed to do just that. Hana pumped her hand in the air, victorious. She had finally done the impossible.

Meroko met with Hana and her friend, Shina, at a little restaurant. They all got along great and Meroko was pleasantly surprised. It was going well until Shina leaned forward, eyes sparkling with interest. "So, Meroko, I hear you're single."

Meroko straightened and her eyes widened. She glanced over at Hana who was studying her reaction with a bit too much interest. "Uh, well, technically...I am."

 _"Technically?"_ Shina asked confused. "What's that mean?"

"Well..." Meroko trailed off, fiddling with her fingers, unsure what to say.  _Technically,_  she  _was_  single, but she couldn't bring herself to say that. To do that, would mean she had given up on Izumi and she couldn't do that! She had the feeling Shina had a male in mind she could date, but Meroko had  _tried_  that and it never felt right. It never would.

Hana frowned and exchanged a glance with Shina. "Look, you can't keep doing this to yourself, Me-chan. You've said yourself it's been twelve years since you broke up with...that person," she mumbled the last bit, as Meroko had never told her the name of her former mate.

Meroko had let out a tiny gasp at Hana's affectionate nickname she'd chosen to call her by. No one had called Meroko that in ages. Hana and Shina both gave her a concerned look. Hana misunderstood the reason behind the gasp. "Look, I'm not trying to say you should give up on true love or anything, but, man,  _twelve years?_ Maybe you can find true love somewhere else?"

Shina nodded. "She's right, but you won't know until you look."

Meroko sighed sadly, sipping her drink, and sizing them up from over the rim of her glass. She understood they had good intentions, they were only trying to help. She had worked with Hana long enough to know that the other girl would never purposely bring harm to anyone. "I know, I'm just...not ready." She avoided the other girls' shocked looks and went on, "But maybe sometime in the future. You know, this is the first time I've gone out with friends in ages and," Meroko paused, surprised at herself, "I like it." Up until now she'd really only associated herself with Takuto and Mitsuki. She kept her co-workers far from her, never wanting to get close to them. It was just Hana was one persistent person. It felt good to speak to these people.

"You going to come to the movies with us, then?" Hana asked excitedly.  _"Please?"_

She nodded and Hana beamed.

Meroko had a great time and even made a couple new friends. She was surprised, it hadn't been as painful as she thought it would be. That night, she fell into bed and had the best night of sleep she'd had since waking up as a human.

A flash of bright light. Flashing lights. Blackness.  _Pain._

Izumi woke in a cold sweat, gasping for breath. He had been expecting strange dreams, but tonight he was having a recurring nightmare. Every time he fell asleep, he would have this abstract nightmare and wake up with a racing heart and try to calm down enough to breathe properly. He had no idea where he was or what was going on in the dream. Everything was so dark and there was nothing but flashes of things. He had a feeling he  _should_ know, but couldn't quite grasp it.

The next morning both Mitsuki and Takuto were surprised when Izumi stumbled into the kitchen much later than he usually did. "Hey," he mumbled, his eyes bloodshot.

"Hey, uh, sleep okay?" Takuto asked, swapping a concerned look with his wife. Mitsuki switched her baby from one arm to the other.

"No, not really," Izumi admitted, pulling some food out of the fridge.

"Oh?" Mitsuki asked curiously. "Nightmares?"

Izumi ran his hands through his hair, trying to determine the best way to describe his dreams to his parents. "Nah, just couldn't sleep," he lied, suddenly not sure what to tell them. He didn't want to come out with,  _Your strange friend is disturbing my sleep once a year._ That would just be so weird. And it was only once a year. Most likely, he would hardly see her once he went away to the university.

Takuto and Mitsuki swapped another glance, clearly not convinced, but decided to let the issue drop. "Well, make sure you get some tonight," Takuto said teasingly. "You have school tomorrow."

Izumi nodded. "Yeah, I will," he assured them, grabbing some food and sitting at the table, making funny faces to baby Rei.

And he had  _every_  intention of getting sleep that night. It was just- he  _couldn't._ He awoke with a start that night, eyes wide with terror. It had happened  _twice_  in a row. That had never happened before. It was the same exact images over and over, that same feeling of horror, confusion, and disappointment sweeping over him. And then, this powerful sensation of finality would overcome him with such force that it literally took his breath away. That would be the point where he'd wake up gasping for breath, unsure what to make of the whole bizarre thing.

For some reason, he still couldn't find it in himself to tell his parents about this new development. He felt ridiculous. It was his last year in school, he had just turned eighteen, and he wanted to run to his parents for comfort over some freakish nightmare. He vaguely wondered if he were jealous of the attention the new baby was getting and his subconscious had somehow driven him to this in an attempt to find an excuse for attention.

However, his parents  _were_  paying attention to him, and they both noticed the growing rings under his eyes. When questioned, he always brushed it off, never ready to explain it. Even classmates at school were starting to notice and he realized he was zoning out during a lot of classes and couldn't even recall conversations he'd had with friends during lunch.

Another week went by and Izumi found himself fighting a full-blown panic attack. He had a new fear now and it was of  _sleep_  itself.  _I cannot believe I'm scared to go to sleep_ , he told himself over and over.  _Is this what an insomniac feels like?_ _ **Do**_   _I have insomnia?_ Peaceful sleep never came, it was always teasing him, he'd had it for as long as he could remember, and now it was gone. It was like... it was like...

After his birth father had died and his birth mother had gone crazy with grief. Through the years, Izumi had decided that that's what it had to be. She had lost her mind, there was no other way he could explain it. He could recall trying to sleep back then, but was so scared he'd wake up and be all alone.

He didn't have that fear anymore. So, why couldn't he sleep  _now?_ He knew it was the nightmares, that's why he was scared. Sleep brought those nightmares to haunt him.

Another week passed and his grades were starting to slip, more of his classmates and friends were voicing concerns over his appearance, and his parents were at a loss. The rings under his eyes didn't leave, he looked sickly, and he was always zoning out. When he had enough energy to play sports, he was all over the place. He put the right answers to the wrong questions in blanks on his tests. He didn't hear the teacher half the time and there was this constant buzzing sound in his mind, like an alarm. So much of his energy was spent just trying  _not_  to zone out during the day, that he rarely felt up to doing anything with his family or friends in the evenings.

It was as though he was never awake, but he was never asleep, either. He just hovered somewhere between the two states, slowly morphing into a basket case.

One day a classmate approached him, curiously. "Hey," she greeted. "You have trouble sleeping, too?"

His eyes snapped over to hers. She looked a little tired, but he doubted she reflected his haggard look. He had stopped looking in the mirror, it had become so freaky. He was trying to avoid his parents as much as possible, not wanting to worry them, but he had heard them discussing his current state of being several times. He rarely slept, after all, so it was easy to eavesdrop on any conversation. He had never been big on eavesdropping before, but when you couldn't sleep, you found other things to do.

The girl grinned. "You look downright awful, you know that?"

Izumi frowned slightly realizing he had never spoken to this girl before. Was she a friend of his? He could barely remember the last time he'd  _really_  spoken to any of his friends. He spent his lunches either making up work he had screwed up on or serving detention for zoning out, which usually resulted in him forgetting something important. He had almost fell asleep several times during a class, but that was another thing he was terrified of. The last thing he wanted was to wake up, sweating and screaming, during a class. His classmates would always be whispering behind his back and his teachers would never treat him the same.

The girl raised an eyebrow as Izumi's eyes glazed over. She could relate well enough, suffering from her own bout of sleep deprivation. It did funny things to a person. "Have you tried using candy?" she asked.

Izumi gave her a strange look. "Candy? How would that help?" The last thing he needed was  _more_ sugar. He had actually cut it all out at first, thinking it would help, but now he had his own little stock, using the sugar to try to stay awake throughout the school day.

She shook her head. "No, I mean,  _hard_  candy."

 _"_ Is there any other kind of candy?" he asked confused.

"You  _know_...like, drugs?"

Izumi's face twisted in horror.  _What the?_  Izumi had always kept good, clean company and never had any friend talk to him about using drugs. Apparently, his becoming a basket case caused totally different people to gravitate towards him. "What?  _No!"_

She rolled her eyes. "Not those kind." She stuffed her hands in her pockets, her voice becoming even softer. "The prescription kind."

 _The prescription kind..._ Izumi was speechless. He could vaguely recall hearing something about how that was supposedly the newest thing with teens. They crushed prescription drugs, or "candy," to get high. In some cases, they would even down a whole bottle of cough syrup in an attempt to reach that illusive state of euphoria. In some cases, that state of euphoria ended in death. He didn't have any friends that participated in this...that he  _knew_  of. Most of his friends were relatively happy people that weren't looking to get high to escape their problems in life.

"Well?" she prompted.

"Uh...no, I haven't," he admitted slowly, not liking where this conversation was going. This made him wonder just how many underground activities were taking place at his school. He could recall having her in one of his sophomore classes, which meant she'd been here for a few years as well. Izumi was pretty sure she had a group of friends and he was pretty sure he could guess what they were doing in their free time.

"Well, I have some I can sell you," she informed him. "You know, if you want? But don't tell anyone."

Izumi licked his lips. "Um, thanks, but I think I'll ask my parents first for some sleeping pills."

The girl's brows shot up and her eyes glittered with doubt. "Right. You do that. When those pills don't work for you, come see me, okay? Name's Kyoko, by the way."

Izumi frowned. "They'll work," he insisted.

Kyoko chuckled a little. "Sure, try it out. I hope they do. But, man, looks more like you need escape and not just sleep. Once you do get some sleep, I bet you'll be talking to me again. You'll see."

Izumi said no more and walked away blinking rapidly, trying to erase the unease she'd left him with. He had that unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach that she was right. He also found it distracting that he was now the target of strange people. His friends were avoiding him the seldom times he ran into them. He supposed they were tired of telling him to get some sleep or go get help.

Later that day, on his way home, he pondered over what Kyoko had told him. He had briefly entertained the idea of reporting her to a teacher, but had decided against it. Everything seemed so dreamlike to him that he could honestly not recall the entire conversation, and he had mistakenly thought he'd had conversations with some of his peers that had never taken place while forgetting the ones that had. So, he wasn't even one hundred percent he and Kyoko had that conversation and even if they had, he knew it would be his word against hers. Right now, the sleepless teen was pretty sure a teacher would take one look at his disheveled appearance and take her side over his.

Izumi would definitely ask his parents for sleeping pills and  _try_  it. He stopped at a park, trying to sort his thoughts. His parents thought he was volunteering at the local shelter. He did three or four days out of the week, but he was unable to go there now. He had been sent home early the past couple times he had gone in, the counselors worked up over his current state, suggesting he see a doctor. Izumi hadn't told his parents, just assured the counselors he was stressed over his upcoming tests and complained to them that the school work had gotten harder. He used this same excuse with his parents.

In a sense, it was true. It  _was_  harder for him in his current state of sleep deprivation. However, he knew if he could get any restful sleep, the classes would be a breeze.

"Sleeping pills?" Takuto repeated in a strange voice, wishing Mitsuki were here. She was at the studio, recording a CD. He shifted Rei in his hands, pursing his lips, and studying Izumi in concern. He was not surprised by the request at all. He and Mitsuki had actually been planning to get him some. They had spoken with a friend of theirs who was a doctor and asked what he recommended. What did surprise Takuto was that Izumi was asking... _again_. He was also becoming much more aloof and distant.

Usually, he was very open and candid with his parents. Now, Izumi simply wouldn't tell them what was keeping him up at night or why he couldn't sleep. Takuto found the whole situation terrifying. Izumi was deteriorating before their very eyes at an alarming rate. He was becoming more reserved and jumped at every little thing, a painful reminder of how he'd first been when Takuto had found him all those years ago.

"Yeah," Izumi confirmed with a nod of his head. "I-uh, I'm just so worried over the school work. You know I took that new class and it's just so hard." Izumi lied. He had taken a new class, but it wasn't hard. More accurately, it  _shouldn't_  have been hard, but his brain was having to work overtime to make up for the lack of sleep.

Takuto waved a tiny rattle in front of Rei, who was laughing happily completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere in the room. "We'll get something to help you. We asked a doctor already, actually, and he agreed to write out a prescription. They should be ready in a couple days," he informed Izumi.

Izumi was shocked. He hadn't even been told. Izumi almost asked why he hadn't been told, but stopped short.  _Had_  he been told, he wondered frantically. He couldn't remember. He could recall speaking with his parents, but all he could see were their mouths moving except no words came out. He didn't remember anything they had told him. Takuto frowned at his reaction.

 _"Remember?"_  he asked. They  _had_  told Izumi about this already. This was becoming increasingly common- they would tell Izumi something and he would totally forget. He would even ask about it later as though he'd never spoken to them about it, case in point, the sleeping pills.

"Uh, yeah," Izumi muttered, looking down at the floor. "I, uh, I got homework," he mumbled, turning away and shutting himself in his room.

Takuto stared after him confused. Izumi was also lying much more than he ever had in his life and Takuto just couldn't understand it. Why wasn't he being more open? He was pretty sure Izumi wasn't hiding anything illegal or dangerous from them, but, for some unfathomable reason, Izumi simply didn't wish to talk to them about his problem. Takuto was beginning to wonder if maybe something had happened at school, but he had taken it upon himself to call a couple of the teachers, and they had nothing significant to report except growing concern over Izumi's sudden drop in grades and his unusual lapses of attention during class.

For the first time ever, Takuto found himself grateful Izumi had been held back a year, because otherwise he might be in a dorm with this strange problem. Right now, he was at a total loss and doubted sleeping pills would be the end-all, be-all as he and Mitsuki had hoped. Judging from the desperation in his son's voice, Izumi was hoping sleeping pills would solve everything, too.

They didn't. They didn't solve anything at all and Izumi found himself contemplating going to Kyoko more and more. Could she really give him something to escape from this madness? At first, the sleeping pills had actually helped him go to sleep, but it hadn't prevented the nightmares. Oh,  _no_ , then he just couldn't wake up from the nightmare and it just went on and on until he feared he would die in his sleep. Now, he really was scared to sleep. He had finally figured out what he was dreaming of.

The train. When he was six and he had stood in the railroad crossing. It made sense. Flashing lights warning people that a train was coming, the bright light from the train's headlight, being hit by the train, and falling into the blackness of unconsciousness.

But that had never happened. He  _hadn't_  been hit by a train. He could recall as a child frequently wondering if this life would ever end, if it was some kind of gift from Heaven and if he did something wrong, would it disappear. He had often thought this because he couldn't remember ever leaving the train tracks. He had eventually figured he had just been so traumatized by the whole ordeal that he couldn't remember how he got from the train tracks to the steps in front of the store.

Now these dreams made him wonder. Was that what was  _supposed_ to have happened to him? Had he escaped death only to have it come back and haunt him later in life? Was this his punishment?

Less than a week after getting the sleeping pills, Takuto approached him, the parental concern heavy in his eyes. "Izumi, are these dreams- what are you dreaming about exactly?" he asked.

Izumi had been expecting this. The night before, Takuto had to violently shake him awake from his recurring nightmare. He was sure he had screamed at some point and had been frantic by the time he had awoken. Takuto had been really freaked out, he knew. That was another thing that bothered him. Increasingly, when he thought of his parents, he thought of them in name, such as Takuto and Mitsuki, instead of Mom and Dad, which he had been calling each of them for years.

He was beginning to feel very disconnected to the entire world, like something was pulling his soul away from everything he thought he knew and loved. He shifted uncomfortably under Takuto's scrutinizing eyes and averted his. Those sleeping pills were definitely  _not_  helping. "I, uh, I keep having nightmares," he began hesitantly, "about that day at the train tracks..." he trailed off and stole a quick glance at his adoptive father. Takuto didn't move and had paled considerably. He gave a slight nod, encouraging Izumi to continue. "Uh, in the dream, the train, it-it hits me." He finished simply.

He waited for Takuto to say something. Really, it sounded so lame to his own ears. Like some little kid with a phobia of trains. He  _knew_  it was stupid, he  _knew_ a train wasn't just going to pop out of nowhere, and he had  _no_  intention of getting hit by a train. It was just that the nightmares were so vivid and felt so real, true terror gripped him every time he tried to go to sleep. He was getting worked up just talking about it. He could feel the sweat on his palms and his heart was pounding wildly against his chest.

Takuto truly had no words. He had expected Izumi to tell him he was having that strange dream of becoming a shinigami, but this seemed even worse. That meant every time Izumi slept he was dreaming of his death and from his shouts and mumblings it sounded as if this was an extremely detailed nightmare. No wonder he couldn't sleep.

_"Dad?"_

Takuto started at the voice. He sighed and bit his lip. "Maybe we can bring you to a doctor and see if they can tell us anything," he said, unsure what else to do. His voice held no hope and Izumi easily picked up on it. They had already talked to one doctor and he had his doubts another would banish his nightmares.

"Yeah," Izumi said with a nod, his voice void of any enthusiasm.

The new pills from the new doctor didn't work, either. Several days after his confession to Takuto, Izumi found himself up late, sleep out of his reach, once again. The nightmare never ended. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the banner falling before him, the lights flashing, the sound of the oncoming train, and he could feel the pain.

He heard his parents lounging on the couch, discussing their days with each other. Rei was sound asleep. He tried not to eavesdrop on his parents, but he had been frequenting the kitchen late at night, eating since he couldn't sleep. His parents were generally asleep by now, but, lately, they had been staying up later. Izumi suspected he was causing  _them_  to lose sleep.

He paused outside his room, when their hushed voices floated down the hall to his ears. "Izumi was acting strange again today," Mitsuki said sadly.

"I know."

"What are we going to do? Should we call her?"

"I don't know. What are we going to tell her? What's  _she_  going to tell  _him?"_

Mitsuki sounded desperate. "But, Takuto, he's-he's not sleeping and his grades have dropped, he avoids people, and he doesn't remember half the stuff we tell him! That one doctor said it was somniphobia, insomnia, whatever. Something is  _really_  wrong! He needs sleep!"

"I  _know_ that!" Takuto cried, his own voice tinged with helplessness. "I feel awful about it, already! I don't know what to do. I don't know what she can do. He's going to think we're all crazy, anyway."

It was the next words out of Mitsuki's mouth that nearly knocked Izumi over. "Do you-do you think it's the  _other_  Izumi causing it?"

Izumi was sure his father would tell Mitsuki that she was one egg short of an omelet, but Takuto kept the crazy talk going. "I don't know, it wouldn't surprise me," Takuto said. "He does keep dreaming about his death, after all."

"But, do you think the other Izumi is even still there?" Mitsuki paused and added quietly, "I miss him."

Takuto sighed heavily. "I know, Mitsuki, but this is our family now."

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know, I don't know." A heavy silence settled over them.

Izumi's eyes were wide as saucers and he quietly slipped back into his room, unable to stop his parents' conversation from replaying itself over and over again in his mind's eye. Did he have some kind of mental disorder he was unaware of? Was this like that movie,  _Fight Club_? Was there some other personality inside him that he didn't  _know_  about?

 _No, that's_ _ **impossible!**_   _I'd have to have gone to mental institutions and seen a bunch of doctors by now. And I haven't even had this problem until now._ Was it possible that he  _could_  have gone to the hospitals and not have memories of those visits?  _No, I'm not crazy. I'm just sleep deprived. But-what did they mean...dreaming about my death?_

Izumi stared wide-eyed at the ceiling, unable to think of anything to calm himself down. He couldn't sleep, his parents were out of their minds, his grades were shot, at this rate, he might be held back another year. His thoughts were on a frantic loop, reassuring himself that he wasn't crazy, his parents were the ones losing it.

But it disturbed him, because the more he thought about it, the more he realized that the unaccounted time from when he was six really bothered him. He had never left the train tracks.  _Never._ So, what his parents were saying made sense in a twisted sort of way. He was dreaming of his death. But... how was he here? When he thought about it long enough,  _none_ of it made any sense whatsoever. Finally, something popped up in his mind that offered him some shining beacon of hope.

_When those pills don't work for you, come see me, okay?_

 


	10. Hard Candy

_Someone save me if you will_  
And take away all these pills  
And please just save me if you can  
From my blasphemy in my wasteland

_~Save Me by Shinedown  
_

So, you might be wondering why this is suddenly hopping to first person. Understandable. I just wanted to express myself to you and pray for some empathy. The narrator of this sordid tale is too disconnected to really describe what went through my mind during this period of time.

So,  _why_  did I go seek Kyoko out? It's crazy, it really is. And stupid. I  _knew_  it was a stupid thing to do. Have you ever done something stupid and as you were doing it, ignored that little voice in your mind screaming,  _This is really stupid!_ Well, I did.

These nightmares weren't like anything I had ever experienced before. Granted, I'd  _had_ nightmares before. We all have at some point in our lives. It's not unusual. But, after a couple of  _months_ , these nightmares were still plaguing me the few times I found sleep. I had always heard that when you dreamt of death, you would die for real. I knew I was dreaming of death, but I never really saw the train coming, I just  _knew_  it was. I would wake up in so much pain, it was indescribable. And, for the life of me, I couldn't figure out  _why_  I was waking up in such intense physical pain.

To be honest, the first stuff I bought off of Kyoko didn't help me at all. It didn't calm me down, help me sleep, or do anything at all for me. I had decided that what she was saying was bogus and wasn't going to bother with it anymore. But some other people approached me with some different stuff.

It's amazing how once you fall into something you suddenly discover that there's a whole other world you never knew about before. None of my friends were in this new circle of people I was associating myself with. I wouldn't quite call them friends as we were only in each other's company to get more candy. Somebody wound up selling me something that helped.

Help is probably a strong word for it, as it didn't  _actually_  help me. I was just under the illusion it was helping. After taking it, I would find this place and simply  _forget._ I would forget that I couldn't sleep, I would forget that my parents were talking about me as if I were two people, I would forget that my grades had plummeted, and I would forget that my friends were no longer my friends. It was nice, being in a place that was problem-free, no cares in the world.

The only real problem was when you came out of that place, you came out hard. Reality would rush up to meet you and left a sick feeling in your stomach. And you found yourself desperately wanting to go back to that place. Desperately wanting more candy.

And that was just it.  _Candy?_  The stuff we used had such cutesy names, you tended to forget the high risk involved with using them.  _Skittles, Orange Crush, Vikes, Vitamin R, Z-bars, Strawberries, and Barbies._ Who named this stuff, anyway? They were obvious code names so you could talk about it in front of higher authorities without garnering any suspicion. You obviously couldn't talk about selling your Ritalin or Seconal in front of others without raising some eyebrows.

I was getting any and all of the sleeping medicine I could get my hands on and everyone in our circle knew it. And then I was just trying to get my hands on  _anything._ I sold my own sleeping pills to others, sometimes I even wound up buying back my own pills. It was stupid, I know, I was not in my right mind at all. The combination of the sleep deprivation and the drug usage did not go hand-in-hand.

Takuto and Mitsuki were constantly fighting like cats and dogs. That's another thing. For some reason, they were becoming less my parents and more Takuto and Mitsuki. It was like I was becoming someone else and I couldn't figure out why. I wondered if it was the candy, the drugs, but I had been feeling this way before I went to Kyoko, so I couldn't explain it. Perhaps the candy just intensified the feeling.

At any rate, I still couldn't explain why I went to Kyoko. I had once read somewhere that the name Kyoko supposedly meant mirror. I wondered if I should have taken that as a warning when I first met her. After I became involved, I became like her, preying on others who looked beat and desperate, dangling hope before them, trying to get money out of them so I could buy more candy. Refusing to realize the full extent of what was going on.

It wasn't until a person in our dark, underground world killed themselves that we all had to accept that we were not invincible. What we were doing was dangerous. Kyoko killed herself. Just like that. It shook me up more than I ever could have imagined. I couldn't help but thinking of the mirror parallels and how I was already becoming so much like her. Was I on my way to suicide... But my life had been so good with Takuto and Mitsuki up until my last birthday. And they hadn't done anything to cause me harm.

I was ruining their lives. I was ruining my own life. I didn't go home as often as I should, ignoring their worried calls, Takuto's stern lectures, and Mitsuki's pleas. I felt horrible. Rei was crying more than ever and when I was there, I always felt like it was  _my_  fault the baby was unhappy. Technically, it was. She cried because Takuto and Mitsuki were always yelling at each other, usually over  _me._

And most of the time, they argued in a strange way, as if every word they said had a double meaning. They were always arguing over me and the  _other_  Izumi, whoever the heck that was.

Tell me the honest truth, if you heard your parents arguing about you and your other self... you would freak out, too, right? I mean,  _real_  arguing, downright fighting over it. Then add in to it, they keep frequently referring to your death and how your new life was a second chance. Then you hear hints about how you led another life. Aha! So, that's why I couldn't remember leaving the train tracks and going to the store's steps. I was busy leading another life during that space of forgotten time. One that I have no memory of whatsoever. If that wouldn't freak you out, then you are a bigger person than I. Or you are just completely oblivious to the world.

My parents frequently brought up  _her_ in their arguments, too. They never named her, but I knew they were talking about Meroko.

I was home one night and something happened that finally made me snap. I was already on the edge, but this pushed me over.

Takuto and Mitsuki were fighting again with each other. I could hear them even when my door was closed. This time, I cracked it and listened in on them, my supply of candy depleted for the time being.

"He's self-destructing, we  _have_  to call her." Mitsuki sounded hopeless. She had a sad aura about her now and she always looked worn out.

Takuto did not answer for a moment. He also looked older than he should and his smile was a rare occurrence now. He finally replied to her in a despondent tone, "But! Our family!" He cried out, trying to express himself. I had noticed he often had trouble expressing exactly what he wanted, but, somehow, Mitsuki understood. Takuto had actually won quite a few arguments by just bringing up the family and it was something I could never understand. From what I could figure, this somehow implied the existence of my other self. The one I couldn't remember.

And this usually upset Mitsuki. But today, she stood her ground. "Takuto, you have to let him go. He was never  _our_  son. He was never  _your_ son. And he never will be. It wasn't meant to be. Clinging to him like this is hurting him more than helping."

"But-" Takuto protested. He said no more, perhaps realizing, he was fighting a losing battle.

Mitsuki's next words hurt deeply. "Takuto, you're worried about the family so we  _have_  to get in touch with her. He's  _destroying_  the family. If this keeps up, there won't be one left."

I didn't hear anything after that. I shut the door quietly, my eyes wide. It wasn't that Mitsuki had said those words  _meaning_  to hurt me. She wasn't even aware that I had heard her. But I had. And, the reason they hurt so bad is because they were  _true._ I  _was_  destroying the family and rapidly at that. I had brought chaos into the home.

It's funny. I was eighteen and thought I was in the home stretch of my teen years. I had caused no problems during all my teen years until now, but this- _this_  made up for it all, plus some. In less than a year, I had managed to cause more problems for my parents than what some teens caused during their whole lives.

And Mitsuki saw that. Takuto was blinded to it. For some reason, he just couldn't accept it.

Mitsuki's words were clear in my mind, spelling themselves out slowly over and over. There wouldn't be a family left if I kept this up. I was destroying them.  _Me._ I don't know if Mitsuki did try to call Meroko, but the strange woman didn't show up that day or the next couple of days.

The next day I went to school, still contemplating my destructive abilities and how hard I was making life for Takuto and Mitsuki when they had been nothing but kind to me. I stocked up on hard candy over the next couple of days. Every time I bought something, I heard Mitsuki's voice talking about my self-destruction. And every time I bought something, her words rang true. So, why couldn't I make myself stop? I just didn't understand anything at all, least of all myself.

Then that evening Takuto confronted me and everything just shorted out. He approached me in the kitchen, that eternal look of concern plastered on his face. "Izumi, what's going on? You're getting worse and worse, and," he put some stuff on the counter and I licked my lips. It was some of the prescription drugs I had bought off my classmates. I had thought I had hidden them better, but your judgement isn't as good as what it once was when you're not quite right in the mind. "What is this? What are you hiding from us?"

And I don't know  _why_  I went off on him. I was defensive and angry and shocked. I could think of no other course of action,  _but_  to defend myself. I would do that by flinging his words back in his face. "What am  _I_  hiding from  _you?_  What are  _you_  and  _Mitsuki_ hiding from  _me?"_ I demanded, each word injected with a healthy dose of venom.

Takuto was genuinely taken aback. "What?" he asked, glancing from the medicines to myself, his concern increasing drastically. "What are you talking about?"

"You know. The  _other Izumi_  that you two are always talking about!" I had wanted to hurt and shock him. I had wanted to get him angrier, I had wanted to get into a fight with him. But his reaction made me feel like I had kicked an injured puppy and my anger vanished almost instantly.

He had gasped and jerked to attention, his eyes wider than I had ever seen them. He stared vacantly at the floor, his mouth slightly open in shock. He paled and didn't blink. He didn't answer. This had happened to me a few times throughout my life. Takuto, my father, would just cease to respond he would be in so much shock. He usually just got angry and would lash back at a person, but I seemed to have this strange effect on him from time to time.

I felt the urge to comfort him, but pushed it aside.  _No_ , they had never spoken to me about any of this, and they couldn't just expect me not to question them especially when it was becoming a topic they frequently talked about. I summoned what little anger I could muster and stomped to my room, slamming my door shut. It took a lot of effort not to turn around and try to assure Takuto that everything would be okay.

After I slammed the door, I slid to the ground, tears running down my face. I could see Takuto's sad eyes and hurt expression clearly in my mind accompanied with Mitsuki's words of how destructive I had become. I could hear Rei screaming down the hallway and Mitsuki's pleas with the baby to quiet down.

I grabbed the prescription medicines that Takuto hadn't found and an old water bottle that was under my bed. I couldn't tell you if I intentionally took too much, hoping something really horrible would happen or if I just didn't realize what I was doing. I just couldn't stop seeing Takuto's hurt expression and hearing Mitsuki's sad voice or Rei's screams. At any rate, eventually everything went completely and totally black. There were no flashing lights to greet me this time, there was no train, no nightmares.  _Nothing._

Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars...


	11. Webs Unwoven

Meroko found herself in a constant state of surprise. She could not quite bring herself to believe how drastically her quality of life had improved in such a short amount of time. Ever since her first outing with Hana and Shina, her attitude had changed for the better. She no longer was cross with her co-workers or snappish with them and even befriended quite a few of them. Others invited her to go out and do things. She found time for parties, concerts, and movies. While she would feel a little down when she thought of Izumi, it wasn't the crushing weight she usually experienced. She still hadn't gone on any more dates, but if her life kept up in this direction, she felt she might be able to sometime in the near future.

Maybe this was simply fate. Maybe this was truly meant to be.

Fate would soon prove her wrong. One evening, on her day off from work, her cell phone rang. Meroko took it out, expecting it to be Hana or Shina. Those two were always calling her, wanting her to go somewhere with them. Mitsuki and Takuto's number stared up at her. She frowned at it, trying to remember if she had forgotten something important. She knew it wasn't Izumi's birthday and she was pretty sure it wasn't Rei's birthday, either.

"Hello?" she asked nervously into the phone.

"M-Meroko," Mitsuki answered, her voice wavering. Meroko picked up on the unease right away.

"Yeah, uh, what's...up?" she finished lamely, unsure what else to say. The first thing that popped into her mind was that Takuto had gotten into a fight with her. But Mitsuki had never called her before about that. Or maybe Rei had fallen ill. Or, perhaps, it was Izumi or Takuto. Meroko straightened, realizing that would be the only reason Mitsuki would be calling her at such an odd time.  _Some_ one was sick.

"It's Izumi."

"O-oh, what-what's wrong?"

"We're at the hospital."

_"What? Why?!"_

"He-he," Mitsuki's voice was flat and cheerless, unlike her usual self at all.

"Yeah?" Meroko prompted.

Mitsuki finished very quietly, "Attempted suicide."

Meroko's phone dropped from her hand and hurtled to the floor. The noise caused Mitsuki to ask for her repeatedly in concern.

"Meroko? Meroko... _Meroko."_

She shakily picked the phone up off the floor and pressed it back to her ear. "Uh, what-which hospital?" she asked unevenly.

Mitsuki hung up the phone and sighed. She glanced at her husband concernedly. Takuto sat with his arms crossed, staring grimly at Izumi. He was in a hospital bed, oblivious to the world. Takuto and Mitsuki sat side-by-side on one side of the bed.

Takuto had found Izumi. It had taken him a bit of time, but he had worked up the courage to go and tell Izumi. He had planned to tell him  _everything_. But when he had opened Izumi's door, the teen had been slumped over his bed, unconscious, on his way to meet death.

Takuto had been frantic, shouting for Mitsuki to call an ambulance. He had performed CPR on Izumi, fear making the blood freeze in his veins. He was terrified and kept praying that he was in a nightmare. His prayers were never answered as he never awoke from it. Both he and Mitsuki were wrecks by now. They had left Rei in the care of a trusted neighbor.

"I guess it really wasn't meant to be," Takuto said, his voice heavy with wistfulness and sadness. "I guess we were wrong the whole time."

Mitsuki found her husband's hand and squeezed it tightly. "You don't know that. We did what we truly believed was right. No one can fault us for that."

"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions," he pointed out resolutely.

Mitsuki only squeezed his hand harder, silent tears trickling down her cheeks. She finally whispered, "Even after all this, he still wants to..." she trailed off, sighing. "Maybe it was just destiny for him to end his life by his own hands. Maybe nothing we do will ever matter."

_"No."_

Both turned towards Meroko, who had just entered the room catching the tail end of the conversation. She looked between them and Izumi. "He lived this long and he was  _happy_ , remember? What on Earth happened?" she asked. "This can't be destiny. It  _can't be."_

Mitsuki shook her head. "After his birthday, he kept having nightmares... he couldn't sleep. And everything..." she trailed off and waved her hand over at the unconscious Izumi helplessly. "Nothing we did helped. We should have called."

Meroko chose not to comment and took a seat next to Izumi across from the couple. She grasped his hand, looking at all the equipment curiously. "So, what's wrong exactly? Is he going to be okay?"

"Overdose on prescription medicines," Mitsuki promptly responded. "The doctors pumped him, ran tests, the whole nine yards. They said he would be okay, but we need to put him into some program. Needs serious therapy, they said."

Takuto put his head in his hands. "I just don't get it," he mumbled. "We tried so hard and he still wound up like this!"

"Takuto..." both girls said softly, each wishing they could offer him some form of comfort.

"I just don't get it. We really tried and everything we did was wrong? Is that what this means?"

"You said yourself the road to Hell is paved with good intentions," Mitsuki reminded him morosely.

_"What?"_  Meroko asked astonished. "How can you two be talking like this? You act like you put Izumi on this road. It's not  _your_  fault this happened."

Takuto's head snapped up. "How do you know that, Meroko? We paved the path. Maybe if we had been better help to you we could have fixed him already. Instead we treated him like a new person and brought him up like one and look where that's gotten us!"

"I know," Meroko agreed softly. "It's just that you  _did_ have good intentions. I admit, at times, I wished you two would support me more, but nothing you did was out of cruelty."

"So what? It still wound up like this," Takuto harshly pointed out.

"Yes, but-but," Meroko found herself desperately wanting to comfort the couple. She knew that neither Izumi would like seeing them this dispirited. But she could find no words to convey this. She could not convince them that this wasn't their fault. She held Izumi's hand a little tighter.

Mitsuki looked at her own hands. "Meroko, what do you think would happen if-if," she shot the other woman a desperate look, silently pleading not to have to finish her sentence aloud.

Meroko understood right away. Mitsuki was asking what would happen to Izumi or herself if they were to commit suicide again. Or just die. "I don't know," she admitted honestly. "I have never heard of this before. I have no idea what to make of it. No one's been in contact with me since this whole thing began."

Mitsuki had expected as much, but had hoped Meroko might know more.

"It's strange," Meroko mumbled.

"I know. I can't believe you haven't heard from any shinigami this whole time," Takuto agreed.

"No, not that."

"Then what?" Takuto prompted.

"Well, on Izumi's birthday, my co-worker finally talked me into going out and I had a  _really_  great time. And ever since then, I've been doing very well. I've actually been happy. And I was beginning to think that maybe this  _was_  meant to be," she confessed to the stunned couple. "But this happened." She sighed. "I don't know what to make of any of it."

"So, the whole time Izumi was happy, you were depressed. But now that you are happy, he is depressed," Mitsuki summed up easily. Could their souls be entwined that closely?

Takuto looked doubtful. "But Izumi crashed and burned and Meroko didn't," he pointed out.

"Izumi was already more prone to pessimism, maybe the weight of grief was too much for his soul to carry," Mitsuki thought aloud.

"Hmm, maybe," Meroko chipped in, "but it might be more than that. He  _did_  crash and burn fast and while he is pessimistic, he's not  _that_ pessimistic. I think it's because," she inhaled sharply, worried her next words might upset them, "he doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know  _why_  he's so sad and frustrated. At least this whole time, I knew  _why_  I felt the way I did _._ "

To her bewilderment both Mitsuki and Takuto nodded their heads in agreement, neither making the slightest protest.

"Those nightmares, they were about his death at the railroad crossing," Mitsuki explained. "And at some point, he overheard us talking about his shinigami self."

"I was going to tell him," Takuto informed Meroko. "But when I went to his room, he had already downed those pills." He ran his hands through his hair, frustrated. "I'm so sorry, Meroko. I-I shouldn't have just decided to be a father, I just-I wanted him to really enjoy life."

Meroko frowned slightly. She had always assumed that when she got what she wanted, she would feel empowered. That she would finally have proved Mitsuki and Takuto wrong. She thought it would be a wonderful feeling, but she simply felt powerless and horrible. She knew they had only good intentions and were totally devastated by this. It made her sad and didn't bring her any joy whatsoever.

"You don't have to apologize, Takuto," she assured him. "So, you  _are_ going to tell him, then?"

Takuto nodded. "Yes," he confirmed. "I am."

Izumi stared desolately at his reflection. He had been brushing his teeth and after he finished he paused to really  _look_  at himself. It was a couple of days after he had been released from the hospital. That strange woman Meroko had been there, and she and his parents seemed to get on much better than he could ever recall. He remembered Mitsuki and Takuto's relieved faces when he had finally awakened and their saddened faces when they explained what exactly had happened.

He found the whole situation embarrassing and it was simply adding to his confusion and growing self-hatred. Why was he screwing things up so badly? He stared at himself in the mirror before lashing out violently at it.

Hearing the shattering glass, Takuto skidded down the hall and to the bathroom, panic rising in him. He prayed he wouldn't find Izumi slumped over anything, death about to snatch him away. Instead, Izumi was angrily punching the mirror. "Hey! Hey!" Takuto cried out, catching Izumi's hands before he could further harm himself. "Hey, it's okay," he tried to soothe. "It's  _okay."_

Izumi stood with wide eyes staring at his fists that Takuto had in a firm grip. He was shaking and crying, he realized. Takuto gave him a moment before pulling him into a hug. "It's  _all right,"_ he tried to assure him.

Izumi didn't seem to hear and he shook and sobbed, getting Takuto's shirt wet. "I don't know what's wrong with me," he muttered through his tears, "I don't understand anything that's going on at all. I don't understand."

Takuto ruffled his hair and looked heavenwards, trying to draw the strength to say what he knew he needed to. "I know why you don't understand," he told Izumi.

Izumi looked at him doubtfully. Takuto guided him to the couch in the living room. Mitsuki was at their neighbor's house with Rei.

"Sit," he told Izumi. "I have to tell you something." He sighed, palming his hand across his face, trying to figure out where to start. "We should have told you before now."

Izumi sniffled and blinked rapidly, trying to make himself focus on what Takuto was about to tell him. "Is this about the 'other me?'"

Takuto nodded and Izumi was rapt with attention.

Izumi stared at Takuto in disbelief. He kept replaying the other's words in his head over and over again and had finally come to a conclusion regarding the matter.

Takuto licked his lips nervously as he watched Izumi's eyes flicker around the room, trying to let all the information Takuto just told him sink in. Izumi finally turned to him. "I'm not sure I totally believe that," he said quietly.

Takuto leaned back into the couch, shocked. He had thought these revelations would kill this Izumi and revive the old one. Or, at least, that Izumi would believe him and try to find all these things out himself, or that Noako would pop out of nowhere, laughing maniacally. Many different scenarios had played out in Takuto's head, but he had never expected disbelief. It was strange since it was all true.

"I know I had that dream about being a shinigami, but don't you think you're taking it a bit far?" Izumi asked, putting his hands to his head in distress. "I'm  _alive_  right now!" He emphasized this by putting a hand on his heart and patting the area as if to mimic the heart actually beating.

Takuto blinked, unsure what to say. "That's it. That's the truth. I don't know how else to tell it to you." He said it in such a defeated voice, devoid of any passion. It was spoken as a person who was resigned to the truth, but wished it were a different truth.

Izumi stared at him for a long while before finally accepting that Takuto was being truthful. It seemed so ridiculous at first, but the more he thought about, the more his life made sense if that were the case. "That's why I keep having that nightmare. And that's why  _Meroko..."_  he left the rest unsaid, unsure what to do with all this new information. It hadn't provoked any forgotten memories or emotions in him. How awkward it must be for her to be around him.

Takuto stood up slowly, not looking Izumi in the eyes. He took out a small piece of paper in his pocket. "Here." He held out his hand, still averting his eyes.

Izumi took it and looked at it funnily. "An address? I don't get it."

Takuto finally looked Izumi in the eyes, his own dead serious, "It's where your grave is at." His voice was heavy with finality and warned that he wouldn't suffer any more questions on the matter. Izumi's eyes went wide and he opened his mouth to protest this, but clamped it shut instead. Izumi stared at the paper in disbelief. He had a grave here. This whole time, there was a tombstone with his name carved in it. It was overwhelming.

Takuto cringed when he heard a car door slam and an engine rev. He had contemplated insisting on going with Izumi, but a strong feeling had come over him that he had to let Izumi do this himself. He was worried, though. He would follow in a little bit to make sure Izumi didn't do anything rash, having just been released from the hospital.

Mitsuki hurried through the door concerned. "What happened? I just saw Izumi take off somewhere. What's wrong?"

"I told him." At Mitsuki's blank face, he elaborated,  _"Everything."_

_"Oh._  How-how'd it go?"

"Could have been worse," Takuto admitted, falling back into the couch with a heavy sigh. "But it could have been better, too." He ran his fingers through his hair. He felt like he was in so much pain yet nothing had been done to him physically. Mitsuki sat next to him, her own eyes filled with anguish.

"She's asleep over there," she responded to the unasked question. She stared ahead, miserably, listening to the pitter-patter of the rain on the windows.

"It hurts," Takuto murmured, his voice barely a whisper.

Mitsuki nodded imperceptibly, unable to hold back the tears. She leaned into Takuto, and they wrapped their arms around one another, each holding the other as they cried.

The sun was beginning to set and the rain was coming down harder. Izumi kept replaying the bizarre conversation he had just had with his father over and over again in his mind. That was the first time he had ever received any explanation for that unaccounted time in his life when he was six. He couldn't remember leaving the train tracks because he never had. That's why the people had suddenly changed. That's why Takuto, Mitsuki, and Meroko had all known his name.

He pulled into the lot near the cemetery and turned off the car, resting his head against the steering wheel. He clutched the paper in his hands and took a deep, shaky breath before exiting the vehicle. He had to see. He  _had_  to. He had never asked to go to his biological father's grave after Takuto had found him. For some unexplainable reason, he just couldn't. It had been too painful to even  _think_  about, much less actually go. But, this place, he knew this was where his biological father was buried. He was among these tombstones and the note in his hand indicated that Izumi's supposed grave was right next to it.

Izumi slowly entered the cemetery, not caring enough to avoid puddles, unconcerned with the mud that was caking onto his shoes and the bottom of his pants. It still wasn't completely dark so he didn't need a flashlight, letting the pink sky illuminate his path. There were so many tombstones, flowers drooping under the pressure of the rain, and trinkets strewn about different areas. Balloons hung limp from some recent burial. He could hear the sounds of cars speeding by the cemetery. Everything was magnified all around him, yet, in the same instance, it all seemed to disappear and not matter.

He found his father's tombstone after several minutes of searching and stopping to read a couple other tombstones. He finally stood by it and stared. There were two tombstones on each side. One was for his mother.  _That's why I've never heard from her since._  He licked his lips, staring at their dates in confusion. But those didn't make any sense. It should have been more recent than that... he bit his lips, dread making every part of his body move even more slowly than he had been. The grave on the other side of his father's was smaller, obviously for a child.

He took a step over until he was right in front of it, staring at it through the rain in disbelief.  _Lio Izumi._ The name screamed at him. The dates were earlier, too. His birthdate wasn't right, and there was only a span of six years between the dash. This was the correct tombstone. He stared at it, disbelievingly.

Takuto was being honest with him. This all made sense with Takuto's explanation. Without it, none of it made sense. He had explained they had changed his birthdate since he would be much older by now if he had actually lived. But he hadn't. That's why he couldn't remember how he wound up on those steps. He had  _died._ The train, it  _had_  slammed into him. Those dreams were memories. He felt a sharp pain in his chest.

He sank to his knees, the mud making a funny sound as he pressed into it. His hands grasped at the wet dirt. Tears mingled with the rain as he stared at his grave, unsure what to make of the whole thing. He  _had_ already committed suicide once before only to try  _again?_

_Wow, I am **such**  a screw-up._

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

Izumi's head jerked up and he stared at the woman sitting casually atop his tombstone. He knew she hadn't been there before. He sat back on his haunches and studied her, trying to figure out where she had come from. The rain continued to soak and chill him. She was soaked in it, but it didn't make her shiver.

"Oh, come on, what's with that clueless look now? Usually, you're so anxious to defy me or question my orders. I know Takuto told you about me."

Izumi finally found his voice. "Noako?" he croaked.

"Bingo!" Noako clapped her hands. "Well, I suppose I shouldn't be shocked. I did tear your memories out of your mind, after all. It only makes sense that you wouldn't recall anything from your life as a shinigami. If you did, then I might as well be powerless, right?"

"I-wh-what?" Izumi stuttered before anger finally overcame his shock.  _"Why_ did you do this to me? What's the purpose of it?"

Noako leaned forward. "There  _is_ a purpose to it, I can promise you that."

"What then?"

Noako tossed her staff from hand to hand, mulling over something.

"Well?" Izumi prompted, ignoring the chill he felt from the rain. But Noako made no reply choosing to vanish instead.

He heard the soft whisper, "Come back here tomorrow."

He fell forward on to his knees and stared at the graves in confusion. He wasn't sure how long he stayed that way. He heard someone sloshing in the mud towards him, but he didn't move.

"Izumi." Takuto knelt next to him and shook him lightly. "Izumi?"

"Dad," Izumi got out, still staring at the graves.

"You've been here for over an hour now. You're going to get sick." He helped Izumi to his feet. When he faltered, Takuto caught him by the arm and held him up. "Steady now," he said, ignoring the mud that Izumi was getting on him.

Takuto glanced at the tombstones before silently leading his adoptive son to the car. "We'll get yours tomorrow," he assured Izumi. Right now, he didn't want Izumi driving. Izumi made no protests and quietly slid into Takuto's car.

"Sorry about the mud," he apologized after sitting down, mud dirtying up the interior of the car.

"It's okay." They drove in silence for a little while, before Takuto tried to make conversation. "So, did you remember anything?"

Izumi shook his head. "No, nothing." He didn't bring up Naoko. He sensed that Takuto would probably try to prevent him from returning to the cemetery if he knew Noako were to meet with him.

"Nothing, huh?" Takuto asked, not quite sure what to make of it.

What  _would_  it take to make Izumi remember?


	12. Sacrifice

_This brings tears to my eyes  
My sacrifice, My sacrifice_

_I just want to say hello again  
I just want to say hello again_

_My sacrifice._

_~Sacrifice by Creed_

Meroko set her phone down and grimaced at it, recalling what Mitsuki had just told her. Izumi  _knew_. He knew, but he didn't remember. Takuto had told Izumi everything yesterday and even showed him his grave. Mitsuki had asked her over for dinner, but Meroko had said she'd get back with her. If being around Izumi had been hard and strange before, it would be just downright awkward now. She wasn't too sure what to do. Unlike Takuto, she had never expected Izumi to regain all his memories just by being told about his past. She suspected Noako would have to restore them if it were even possible.

"What are you thinking about?"

Meroko gasped and spun around. Speaking of the devil. "Noako!" she exclaimed, automatically backing away from the menacing shinigami. "Wh-what are you doing here?" Over the years Meroko had frequently thought of Noako. She had wished to see the other woman so she could demand an explanation for this, so she could attack the woman, so she could give her a piece of her mind. Meroko had so much anger and hatred towards her. Noako had put them all on this course, after all, and Meroko did not feel particularly forgiving towards her. Meroko had called for her repeatedly at times, demanding the other to appear, to face her. But now that she was here, Meroko was at a loss. Her shock overpowered her anger.

Noako was not fazed in the least, cool and confident as always. "I thought you would be thrilled to see me after all this time. You've demanded my attention quite a few times in the past."

"And it was never given," Meroko snapped back.

"But I'm giving it to you  _now,"_  she countered. She leaned on her staff, blowing bangs out of her eyes. "It must be hard on you. You  _finally_  start to enjoy this life only for Izumi to attempt suicide." She shook her head. "Such a horrible occurrence. We're all lucky he didn't succeed in the endeavor."

"Why are  _you_  lucky?" Meroko demanded confused.

"I might not be the nicest person, but I certainly don't want anyone killing themselves because of me," she responded coolly.

Meroko regarded her for a moment, clearly doubtful of this claim. "So, what's going to happen now? Are me and Izumi going back to the shinigami world? You  _are_ here because of Izumi's suicide attempt, right?"

"Partly, yes. Obviously, this can't be put off any longer or it will all be for naught if one of you dies.  _Again._  I would have come back before his next birthday, anyway." She walked over to Meroko's bed and sat on it, continuing her explanation, "Basically, I had to wait for his soul to alleviate some of the pain and grief from yours." She sighed. "But you were both so extreme with it. You took it  _all_ on, and then  _he_  took it all on. Does the phrase 'happy medium' mean anything to you?"

"I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Wasn't this our punishment for defying you?"

"It was a reward disguised as a punishment."

_"What?"_

"I'm not as cruel as you think I am. There  _is_  a reason I've put you through all this. I'm not some sadistic person who gets off on torturing others."

_Could of fooled me,_ Meroko thought. "What's the point, then?"

"It's pointless  _now._ Neither one of you understood what to do. I had originally planned to take  _your_  memories because I thought Izumi might figure it out. But without the knowledge of the shinigami world he couldn't."

"Figure  _what_  out?" Meroko demanded, worry building within her. Noako sounded much differently than the one she had in her memories. She wasn't sure if this was because she had demonized the woman throughout the years or if it was the tone of her voice. It wasn't sad or angry. It was simply that of a person giving mere information to another with a slight tinge of disappointment to it. As if they were friends who wanted to go to a movie, but one had discovered their showing was sold out and was now informing her friend.

Noako shook her head. "It doesn't matter now. It wasn't figured out. He tried to kill himself. Now, I have to take another course of action to rectify the situation."

Meroko's eyes widened and her stomach clenched in nervousness. So, this was the catch. "'Rectify the situation?' What exactly do you mean by that?"

"How much do you love Izumi?"

"With all my heart. More than I love anyone else."

"You love him more than life itself?"

Meroko frowned. Noako had surely seen her these past years. "Yes, I think that should be obvious."

"But you were  _starting_  to have a good time," Noako was quick to point out.

"What does that matter?" Meroko demanded, insulted. "I was miserable for  _years!_ I was trying to move on, I wanted Izumi to be happy. I knew he was happy with Takuto and Mitsuki! I didn't want to take that away from him. I thought...I thought they would be a happy family forever."

"But you were starting to pursue happiness for yourself," Noako calmly pointed out. She did not use an argumentative tone of voice, simply stating what she felt were facts.

"What  _else_  was I supposed to do?! I-I wanted him to  _stay_  happy and I didn't know what else to do!" Meroko paused, catching her breath. "I realized I would have wanted him to move on had the situation been reversed. I wouldn't want him wallowing in sadness and self-pity like I had done."

"Good response. And don't get so upset. There's nothing wrong with wanting to pursue your own happiness so long as you are not crushing others in your pursuit. I'm simply trying to find out what your thoughts were." Noako stood back up, lightly gripping her staff. "So, you love Izumi more than life. Would you be willing to give up a life for him?"

"I'd give up my life any day," Meroko automatically responded, not stopping to even consider it. "Of course."

"No, not  _your_  life. I said  _a_ life." Meroko stared at her dumbstruck. "Ah, suddenly you're not so sure, are you?"

_"Who's_  life?"

"Does it matter?"

_"Yes."_

"Why? I thought you just said you loved him enough to give up life for him. Should the life given up really matter?"

Meroko backed further away from Noako, her back hitting the wall. "Wh-what are you asking me, exactly? Is Izumi going to die if this other person doesn't? Is that what you're saying?"

"Maybe. Why are you so overly concerned about this other life? It could be a criminal for all you know. What does it matter if that person's life ends?"

"But it's not a criminal, is it?"

"No, it's not."

"Well, who is it?"

"Why do you have to know? You said you loved Izumi that much. I'll just take this other life and let you both go on living your lives." She started to move her staff and Meroko bolted from her place against the wall and grabbed the staff. Her heart was pounding wildly and all kinds of warning signals were going off in her mind.

"No.  _Don't._ " Meroko looked Noako in the eyes. "Please." She could feel the shinigami's breath on her face they were so close.

"If I don't, Izumi will die and you'll never see him again.  _Ever._  Is that what you want?"

_"Of course not!"_

"Then why are you stopping me? I thought you said you loved him."

"It's  _because_  I love him that I'm stopping you!" Meroko cried out, clutching at the staff a little tighter. "Don't you  _get_  it? You could be taking the life of some baby or little kid for all I know! And  _how_  could I ever expect him to forgive me for that? He would be furious if I chose his life over some little innocent child's! We  _had_  our chance already! We both know and accept that." Meroko could feel tears on her cheeks. "And, and I would expect him to say the same of me if our roles were reversed. I know he would never expect me to carry the burden of someone's life like that, and I don't expect him to carry that kind of weight around, either."

Noako lowered her staff. "Thinking about what he would want instead of what you'd like. I'm impressed. How unselfish of you."

Meroko gave her a suspicious glare. "But that doesn't save Izumi's life, does it?"

"No, sadly, it doesn't." Noako informed her. "But it does save your friends' baby's life. Rei."

Meroko gasped, her face paling at the information. "You were going to take  _Rei's_  life?"

"Yes, but I'll have to take Izumi's now."

_"Wait,"_  Meroko clutched at the staff frantically, "Why can't you take my life instead?  _Please!_ If you don't, I'll just kill myself."

"That won't matter. You won't see him again no matter what you do."

_"What? Why not?"_

"You chose baby Rei's life over his. His life is forfeit now. It's gone.  _All_  of it."

_"What?"_ Meroko back pedaled away from her, unable to grasp the meaning behind Noako's words. "Please, take me instead, please! Don't do this, don't do this,  _please!"_  Meroko was begging now, sinking to the floor and looking up at Noako,  _"Please."_

Noako did not appear to be enjoying this the least bit and replied grimly, "It's how it must be." She looked at Meroko pityingly and Meroko lost it. She knew things were bad when Noako looked at her with empathy. "Meroko, you said yourself earlier if your roles were reversed you would expect the same thing of Izumi. I'm sure he would understand." She tossed her staff from hand to hand, thinking on something else. "Remember, it's  _not_  wrong to be happy. I'm sure Izumi would want that of you."

Meroko crawled a little closer to her, staring up at Noako pitifully. "Please, take my memories, too, at least. I thought I could be happy before because I  _knew_  Izumi was happy. But, knowing I'll never be able to see him again. I can't take that.  _Please."_

Noako knelt down until she was eye level with Meroko and cupped her chin in her hands. "Meroko, I believe you truly love Izumi. Everything you've told me, you've said with his feelings in mind instead of thinking of your own. That's truly admirable. You know him well. I'm sorry, but I can't grant your request. I can't take your memories and, before you ask again, I can't take your life in place of his. This is just how things have to be. I wish they could be differently, but they can't."

Meroko began to dry heave, finding it hard to breathe. "Wha-what am I supposed to do now? What?  _What?"_

Noako tightened her grip on her chin and grimaced. "Try to live. Do what you think he'd want. Just remember death won't bring you back together." Noako let go of her and stood up.

Meroko slowly tried to get up, but couldn't hold her weight past her knees. "Can I see him again one last time?" she whispered.  _"Please?"_

Noako gave her another pitying look and Meroko fell back to the floor, sobbing heavily. "I'm sorry," she whispered before vanishing.


	13. This Situation

_Will you let a moment get the best of you?_  
_Or will this situation bring you around?_  
  
_~To Know That You're Alive by Kutless_

Izumi found himself at his grave the next day as Noako had asked. He was worried Takuto or Mitsuki might find him before he could meet her. They had been very vigilant of him lately. He knew they meant well, but it was overbearing. They were always curious about his memories and always anxious to tell him a story about how they  _originally_  met and the whole thing just plain freaked him out.

He stood before his grave, unsure what to do now that he was there. Noako had yet to arrive. It was raining as per usual. He spared the darkening sky a glare, wondering why rain seemingly followed him everywhere lately. After waiting there for several minutes, he decided that he must have been crazy to ever think she would actually show. How did he know he had even  _seen_  this Noako woman? Perhaps it had just been the trauma of the suicide attempt and sleep deprivation combined with Takuto's story that made him  _think_  he had seen Noako. He sighed, kicking at the water in a nearby puddle.

"What's with the disheartened attitude?"

Izumi looked at his grave and, sure enough, Noako had appeared out of nowhere and was now perched atop it. "Took you long enough," he muttered.

"No rush."

"Yeah, there is! My parents could be here any minute! They won't like me coming out here, and Takuto would freak out if he knew you were here."

"I'm sure he would freak out, but there's not much he can do about it. Don't worry, I'm more in control than you realize. Your parents won't get here before we finish our business."

"You really are in control, aren't you?" Izumi asked bitterly. "So, what was the whole point in all this?"

"Funny. Meroko was bound and determined to find out the very same thing."

"Did she?"

"No. It's pointless."

 _"What?_ Takuto and Mitsuki are depressed, Meroko is miserable, and I'm an...an addict and there was no point to  _any_  of this?"

"It's pointless because you tried to kill yourself. It's null and void  ** _now_."**

Izumi was crestfallen. "Oh. I-I'm sorry," he apologized in a tiny voice. He was too stunned to say anything else.  _Everything_  was his fault.

Noako shrugged. "It doesn't really matter anymore, but apology accepted."

"So, what now?"

Noako stabbed her staff into the ground, partially sinking it into the mud. She remained sitting and leaned forward, keeping a firm hold on the staff. "Meroko has proven her love for you. I expect the same from you now. I must admit you're at a disadvantage as you know practically nothing about her except what you've been told."

 _"Yeah,"_  Izumi readily agreed, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, uncomfortably. "How exactly am I going to 'prove my love?'"

"You don't feel anything towards her right now, do you?"

Izumi ducked his head, ashamed.

"It's not shameful," Noako was quick to reassure.  _"I_  took the memories from you. Believe me, I know better than anyone that you don't have any emotional attachment to her. It's not your fault."

"Are you going to fix it?" he asked softly.

Noako stared at him through the rain sadly. "I don't know if that's possible. I have to ask you something first, though."

Izumi cocked his head. "What?"

"Would you be willing to sacrifice Meroko's life?"

 _"What?"_  Izumi demanded, bewildered. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think it's pretty straightforward."

"I don't get it. Why are you asking me this? What's this supposed to fix?"

"Oh, it has it's purpose, believe me. You haven't answered the question."

Izumi ran his fingers through his hair in aggravation. She was asking a lot of him. He bit down hard on his bottom lip, recalling all the birthdays Meroko had attended. She had never failed to, at the very least, stop by and give him a gift. She had never drawn his parents into an argument in front of him, though she had the power to do so. She had always been cordial, if standoffish. Meroko had lived these years able to easily remember both of their shinigami lives, and the love they had supposedly shared and no longer had. Still, she pushed on, hoping for the best.

He took his hands out of his hair, a grim expression on his face. "That's a lot to ask of me."

"Would you?"

"What am I sacrificing her life for?"

"You two sure like to get all the nitty-gritty details before making any final decisions." Noako hopped off the tombstone, landing squarely on Izumi's grave. "It's for the life of another."

_"'Another...?'"_

"Yes, in order to allow Meroko to continue living, another's life must be sacrificed."

"Who is this other person?"

"You know, if you choose the other person over Meroko, you might very well never see Meroko again.  _Ever."_

Izumi studied her for a good few moments, suspecting there was something the other wasn't being truthful about. "If she continued to live this life out and died naturally, would I still be able to see her  _then?_  Is that what you're getting at?"

"Ah,  _possibly._ Possibly  _not._  This is an act of faith. You have to decide on it without knowing what might await you in the future, be it in an hour or three decades. Or eternity."

"This other life. It's not an elderly person or a bad person, is it?"

"How did you know?"

"I could tell by your eyes."

Noako looked impressed. "Didn't realize I was so transparent."

"Right," Izumi replied sarcastically, arching a brow. It was rather obvious she had been hoping he would pick up on that little bit of information. "It's a very young person, isn't it? A child?"

"Yes." Noako pursed her lips. "So, what's your decision then? You've gotten everything you can out of me. I can't help you any further."

Izumi raked his hand through his hair again, anxiety getting the best of him. "I-I," he stuttered at a loss.

"If you would rather Meroko live, just say the word." Izumi bit his lip and slowly shook his head. Noako raised her brows surprised.

"What? You don't want her to live?"

"Don't say it so harshly. I  _want_  her to live. It's just-if everything I've been told is true and I believe it is, then both me and Meroko have already had one chance at life. Meroko comes across as a decent human being, and I just can't believe I would have fallen in love with someone who would choose their own life over a child's. Not willingly, anyway."

"Would you expect Meroko to say the same of you?"

"Of course. I wouldn't want her sacrificing a child's life for my own."

Noako nodded knowingly. "Good. I believe you know the person you just saved. Takuto and Mitsuki's daughter, Rei."

Izumi was horrified. "You were going to kill  _Rei?"_

"Yes, if you chose Meroko's life over hers." She cocked her head at the angry glare she was on the receiving end of. "Are you upset I didn't specify it was Rei? A baby is a baby, right?"

"I guess..." Izumi trailed off in shock, thankful he had not chosen Meroko, but feeling sick knowing he had just sealed another's fate. And that person he supposedly loved very much according to Takuto and Mitsuki. He wasn't sure he could live with that. "Can't you take my life instead?" he offered. "I was the one who screwed everything up, after all. It only makes sense. Meroko shouldn't have to suffer for my mistakes."

"A humble offer. I  _will_  be taking your life because Meroko made the same choice you did."

He had no words and simply stared at her in astonishment.  _"What?"_

"I proposed the same question to Meroko and she chose to sacrifice your life instead of Rei's as well. Her logic was very similar to yours. You are both correct and you were both quick to point out that you had each already had one chance at living life to its fullest."

"So, you  _are_ going to take my life then? What about Meroko?"

"I'm taking your life because Meroko wanted that to be so, and I'm taking her life because you wanted it to be so."

Izumi frowned not sure he quite understood. "Wait, you're taking  _both_  of our lives so Rei can continue living?"

"Yes. Both you and Meroko are on borrowed time. Basically, you've been living a fake human life, so your sacrifice only amounts to half a human life. Rei would only survive if you each chose to sacrifice each other which you did." She grinned at the stunned look on Izumi's face. "I had faith in each of you. By combining your sacrifices, Rei will go on living happily." She pulled her staff out of the mud. Before doing anymore, she gave him another hard look. "Unfortunately, you won't be able to say good-bye to anyone." Izumi opened his mouth to angrily protest, but light engulfed her, and she began to wave the staff in fluid motions as if performing a graceful dance with it.

He clamped his mouth shut and watched, entranced by her movements. He knew she was effectively ending both his and Meroko's lives by it, but felt no panic, anger, or denial in him. He felt nothing, but peace. As if this was the way it was meant to be.

 _When life takes you out, will it bring you around?_  
_When it's said and done…_  
 _Will it bring you around?_  
 _What will you become?_


	14. Never Forgotten

(In Full Moon manga notes (vol. 7), Arina Tanemura says that Izumi's mother's name was Kana and she kept the locket mentioned in this chapter.)

Takuto stared at Izumi's grave in confusion. He knew Izumi had come here, his car was still in the lot, but he could not find his son anywhere. He had called for him and searched the whole cemetery frantically. It was raining and who knew what state Izumi's mind was in nowadays.

He had phoned Mitsuki to clue her in about the unsettling situation. Something was not right and it gnawed at the pit of Takuto's stomach. He begrudgingly left the cemetery and its nearby vicinity after fruitlessly searching for well over two hours.

At home, both he and Mitsuki agreed it would be best to call Meroko and let her know Izumi had gone missing. She never answered. Mitsuki assumed this meant Meroko was probably working and would try again later. Even later, there was still no answer.

"Meroko always answers or gets back to us within an hour," Mitsuki quietly mumbled to Takuto that night as they both stabbed and played with their food at dinner, neither having much of an appetite.

"I know," Takuto was also quiet. Both remained silent, suspecting the other to be thinking the same thing. If Izumi and Meroko had both gone missing then the Underworld was probably involved and they would not find Izumi anywhere no matter how much effort they put forth.

The next day they decided to swing by Meroko's apartment to see if their suspicions would prove true. At her door, they found another person knocking.

"Hi," Mitsuki greeted her.

The woman turned to them. "Hey, are you looking for Meroko, too?""

Mitsuki and Takuto exchanged a quick glance. It was hard for them to imagine Meroko having much of a social life. "Uh, yeah, we are. No luck?"

"No, I work with her, but she never showed up." She paused, looking thoughtful. "I've worked with her for a little over two years and she's never not called in if she was sick and she's rarely called in period. I'm worried about her." She stuck out her hand. "I'm Hana, by the way."

"Hi, Hana, I'm Takuto and this is Mitsuki," Takuto introduced them, each taking a turn to shake Hana's hand. "We can't get in touch with her, either."

"Man, if she doesn't show up soon, I'm gonna be reporting a missing person," Hana said worriedly.

Takuto and Mitsuki returned to their house, that unsettling feeling only increasing throughout the day. Izumi's school had called to report his absence as had a couple of concerned friends.

Takuto looked over at his wife. "Hana's going to call the police," he said aloud, unable to keep the bit of awe out of his voice. If this was the doing of the Underworld, what on earth were he and Mitsuki going to tell the police? He doubted every person on the police force would accept that his son had suddenly been swept away by shinigami.  _If_  that were the case, he thought grimly. There was also the chance that Izumi could have just been fed up and took off. But he had left without any of his stuff or his car. It was looking more and more likely that he had returned to the Underworld with Meroko.

Then there was that one other horrible possibility. Maybe Izumi had found some secluded area and just  _ended_  it all. Takuto shuddered at the last possibility, praying with all his might it was untrue. Meroko missing as well actually offered some form of comfort as both he and Mitsuki knew she wouldn't attempt suicide nor would she just vanish into thin air without notifying them if possible.

Hana did call the police. Takuto had debated having Izumi "drop" out of school and not mentioning anything to the police, but when more friends called, he knew he was going to have to play along. Otherwise, someone else would report it and that would look even more suspicious.

At first the police simply treated the case as a runaway since Izumi had been of the age where he could leave home if he felt like it. Him having just been released from the hospital fresh from a suicide attempt also left the police a bit grim about the whole thing. At any rate, there wasn't any evidence to suggest a crime had been committed and the police were at a loss.

The police had explored the area Izumi's car had last been at the cemetery. They had asked Takuto about the grave that said "Lio Izumi," one officer having spotted it and having a bad feeling about it. Takuto had explained they had named their son after the boy. The police had been confused and the whole thing gave them a bad feeling as it seemed Izumi had just up and vanished in that cemetery. Takuto wasn't sure, but he suspected they might have even dug up Izumi's grave to make sure a fresh body wasn't in it. None of the officers wanted to stay on the case and they were relieved that Takuto and Mitsuki weren't as adamant as some other parents. Granted, it was suspicious, but they tried to reassure themselves that Izumi probably just ran away to start a new life. At his age, it might have been irresponsible, but it wasn't illegal.

Takuto was grateful that the police weren't as interested in Izumi's case as they could have been. Or they hadn't been until they linked Meroko to the couple. Then they were  _very_ interested and Takuto suffered through heavy headaches, being interrogated and polygraphed. Media buzzed around the story and Takuto worried he might  _really_ kill someone. Apparently being a famous singer and having a runaway son and having a woman linked to you disappear mysteriously all at once caused quite the story. After a couple months, the interest died out as the police could not find any new leads and all new information on the possible whereabouts of either Izumi or Meroko dried up, leaving the police puzzled at how two people could just vanish without a trace.

One good thing did come out of all this and that is the couple and Hana became good friends as they all found themselves short a friend. Takuto and Mitsuki found themselves short a child as well, so Hana's energetic personality and drive to always be doing something was a nice distraction.

Several months after Izumi and Meroko's disappearance, Mitsuki and Takuto both found themselves in the cemetery, staring at Izumi's grave.

"I can't believe he's gone," Takuto muttered. Everything had died down and the couple had come to terms with the fact that Izumi and Meroko had most likely been swept back into the Underworld.

"I know. Meroko, too." Mitsuki sighed sadly. "I guess if they're angels again, they can't communicate with us anymore."

They had not heard anything from either of their friends or from any one else related to the Underworld. Takuto nodded grimly. "I know, I just wish someone would tell us if they're okay or not."

"Do you think they're angels again or do you think they moved on?" Mitsuki asked. She tried not to think of her conversation with Meroko at the hospital earlier in the year. She didn't want to imagine either one of them becoming ghosts or fading from existence.

"I don't know," Takuto replied, frowning at the grave as he thought about it. There were fresh roses on the grave. He had assumed that Meroko had been the one placing roses on the grave, but she was gone now. Where were the roses coming from? He knelt in front of the grave and fingered them gently. "I don't know," he mumbled again softly.

"What's wrong, Takuto?" Mitsuki asked, squatting next to him.

"These roses are fresh," he explained, the puzzlement clear in his voice. "I had been here before and I always thought Meroko was visiting his grave, but..."

"It's not her," Mitsuki finished, glancing around. "I wonder who it is."

"Does the place have a caretaker? We could ask," Takuto suggested, unable to rid himself of the curiosity regarding the roses.

"Hi, there, haven't seen you around," an elderly man greeted them. He held his hand out, "My name's Shinakio."

"Hey," Takuto responded and introduced himself and Mitsuki. "So, you take care of the cemetery?"

"Yes, once a week, I stop in and make sure everything's doing well," he explained. "Sometimes I stop in twice a week, but its hard to get out at my age," he said with a slight grin. "Its lucky that you two popped in on a day I was here."

_Lucky, huh?_  Mitsuki thought sadly. Luck hadn't been much on their side lately.

"Can I help you two with something?" Shinakio asked politely.

Takuto nodded. "Yeah, uh, we were wondering if you knew the person who put roses on a grave out there."

"What's the name of the deceased?"

"Lio Izumi."

"Ah, the little boy. Yes, I do know." He leaned back a little and studied both of them before going on, "I do."

Takuto and Mitsuki both started at this news. Mitsuki recovered first. "Uh, if you don't mind my asking, why?"

"Did you know the boy or his parents?" Shinakio inquired, genuinely interested.

"Uh, not too well, but we are kind of like old friends of the family," Takuto improvised on the spot, "My parents knew his father," he lied, figuring the man wouldn't be asking him to produce pictures or a record of his genealogy. "I was just, uh, curious."

Shinakio tilted his head a little, considering something. He finally made a decision and gave a slight nod. "Well, I had been wondering what I would do with the trinket and the journal. I suppose this is the work of fate," he muttered more to himself than the couple before him.

Takuto and Mitsuki both exchanged a confused glance before giving him their full attention when he spoke. Shinakio motioned for the couple to be seated.

"I put those roses on his grave because I knew his mother and..." he trailed off a little, obviously having trouble trying to figure out where to begin the tale. "You know how he died, right?"

Takuto nodded. "He was hit by a train."

"Correct. A train. You know, one of my buddies worked at the train station when it happened. As a matter of fact, he was on the train." His voice got quieter, sadder. "He was one of the people who had to clean the train afterwards. You know, it was... graphic. Scraping off human remains from the front of that train. I don't know what he saw, but it sure didn't sit well with him. He drank himself straight to death." Shinakio shook his head, oblivious to Takuto and Mitsuki's increasing expressions of horror. He went on, "I heard the train conductor wound up killing himself later.

I always thought it was a shame. When the boy had his funeral, the only person present was his mother. I say funeral, it was more like a memorial. Her son obviously couldn't have a casket burial, there were pieces of him splayed all over the train and the tracks. So, what  _was_  left of him was cremated, but the woman, Kana, she paid to have the plot and stone so he could be next to his father in a sense."

Mitsuki leaned forward, trying to keep her lunch in her stomach. She looked at Shinakio. "So, she spread his ashes over at the grave site?"

He shook his head. "No, you would have thought so, but she didn't. She kept his ashes in a locket, along with burnt pictures of the boy's father, and wore it until the day she died." He sighed again and looked at his hands. "I remember I felt absolutely horrible for her. Kana was out there all alone with the preacher, no other person present at her son's memorial and I knew from my friend what had happened, so I went out there to pay my respects. After the preacher left, she simply stared at the stone, expressionless.

I tried to comfort her and told her that it wasn't her fault, that the schools should work better on trying to educate children on the danger of trains and the tracks, but she refused the comfort. She said that he had known that trains were dangerous, that she had driven him to it. I didn't understand and she said something so very strange its always made me feel... _uneasy._  She said she was glad the train had knocked him out of his misery.

It was such a strange and heartless thing to say, I thought. I had asked if she wanted anything engraved on his tombstone, but she had refused, saying she had given him enough in life and hopefully, the name his father gave him would be the only thing to follow him in death." He shrugged. "I was already older then, but it still shocked me, because I'd never heard of someone speaking so harshly before. Usually, there were hysterical mothers, siblings, relatives, and tears all around at a child's funeral. But this one, just his mother and she came across as so cold. I'd never heard such harsh and cold words since, either."

He opened a drawer and pulled out a notebook. "Kana kept this journal when she fell gravely ill." He handed it to Takuto. Then he carefully grabbed a locket out of the same drawer and handed it slowly over to Mitsuki. "This is her son's, Izumi's, ashes and the burnt photos of his father. Kana had it on her the day she died. I think she wanted to be buried with it, but something just made me take it. It seemed too sad a story to keep buried, you know?"

"Y-yeah," Takuto stuttered, still having trouble absorbing everything. How could Kana have said such horrible things and been so horrible, but worn Izumi's ashes around her neck for years? It didn't make any sense, in his mind.

Shinakio leaned back, sighing again. "Yes, you know, that boy's death really did affect quite a few of people. It happened in a shopping area and people were around to see, you know? One young woman who witnessed it started a program to educate children on the dangers of trains, she was so upset over it. I've talked to her before. Another woman who researched the incident more, discovered that the boy had been abused and his mother had trouble making ends meet once her husband died, so she now operates a non-profit organization to help recently widowed mothers with children.

After reading Kana's journal more and really understanding what happened, I started a program to help troubled children before it got to the point where they would actually think to kill themselves. My son and daughter jointly run it now."

He sighed again. "I know it won't bring anybody back or help Kana or Izumi  _now,_  but I like to think its enough to stop someone else from having the same story. So, I always put roses on Izumi's site when I do my walk-throughs. Izumi's father obviously never could and Kana could never do so herself. I didn't want his memorial stone to be abused and neglected like he had been in life."

Shinakio shrugged. "I know you can't help the dead, but I think of it as a form of respect."

Mitsuki was not surprised that she was crying and she reached out and squeezed Takuto's hand when she saw the silent tears on his cheeks. After a couple moments, she spoke up, "We, uh, are you sure about giving this to us?"

"Never been more sure of anything in my life."

"Could you maybe give us some numbers to connect with some of the people you mentioned?" Takuto asked. "We'd like to help."

"Definitely. Could you keep putting roses on the grave after I die?"

"Definitely." Mitsuki and Takuto agreed in unison.

Mitsuki fingered the locket, not willing to open it. She feared if she did, Izumi's ashes might scatter all around and she didn't want to chance it. Still, it was bizarre and a little bit frightening to think that the whole time they had been raising Izumi, his body had actually been in ashes in a locket, locked away in an old man's drawer. She knew they would never find a body for either Meroko or Izumi. They had been given beating hearts only for a short time in the span of eternity. There would be no new bodies to find, for Izumi's remains were in her hands and Meroko's remains were six feet under in a casket.

She sighed and stared intently at the locket, like Takuto, wondering how Izumi's mother could have possibly worn it every day until the day she died. They had always written her off as heartless and even Shinakio had that initial impression of her. Something must have changed, though, because Shinakio hadn't spoken harshly of her as he could have. He had sounded almost sympathetic when mentioning her name.

Why had she burned pictures of her husband and stuck them in the locket as well? Mitsuki stared at it dully as if it could answer her questions, but she feared it would be a question left unanswered for life.

"Izumi," she whispered to the locket, feeling wetness in her eyes again. She wasn't sure she could wear it daily, but she would definitely keep it. Maybe give it to Rei as a keepsake.

Takuto leaned over and reread the journal he had in his hands. At first, he had thought of trashing the thing, not wanting to know any thoughts that had formed in the mind of Izumi's mother. She had come across as so heartless. He simply couldn't bring himself to throw it away when he thought of how Shinakio had held on to it for so long. He couldn't when he thought of how this was the musings of someone who was flesh and blood to Izumi. He couldn't do that, it simply wouldn't be right.

He sighed as he leafed through it yet again, sadness clutching at his stomach. He was surprised, but he had actually come to feel some sympathy towards the woman. Wrong and misguided she had been, she seemed to have come to terms with it during her illness, which was when the journal was written. Some of the entries were simply about the day and the treatments she had to endure, the other patients, and concern about who would have to take care of her grave. Apparently, it had been Shinakio she had asked to take care of her funeral arrangements, providing him with the funds.

He flipped to the entries that stood out most in his mind.

_I've been fighting this disease now for over two months. I guess I'm lying. I haven't really been fighting it. It's something I deserve. They say what goes around, comes around. Karma. God will do justice. I suppose this is justice being done. It's Karma. I'm getting what I should. But, it seems kind of cruel to say that because there are others sick with this disease and they are young or seem overly nice. But, I suppose my son didn't get what he gave. It's a type of thinking I don't really understand. But I do understand that I am a person who should suffer as I have spent the better part of my life making others suffer through my selfishness._

_The other day, one of the nurses asked me why I always wore this locket. I told her it was to remind me to never repeat the same mistake twice. It's to remind me to never have kids again. Or, it was. Obviously, I am older now and not really physically fit to parent a child. But I_ _**was** _ _a parent and an awful one, at that. Well, not necessarily. I like to believe I was a pretty decent parent until my husband died. Then I just lost my mind and took out my anger and grief on my son._ _**Our** _ _son. My husband would have been so sad and disappointed. I hope what they say is true and all your pain from this life is taken away when you die. I have wanted to rid myself of it so often, but I can't. I deserve to go on living, suffering. I hope my son is free of his suffering._

_Sometimes I think my mind is sick, too. I feel jealous that my son got to escape life. Why can't I? But that isn't right. I drove my son to that. I did. I can't even write his name, it hurts too much and makes me realize what a monster I really am. Yet, I was never punished. No one sent me to jail or anything. It was just...a tragic accident according to the media. I don't understand why._ _**Why** _ _have I always had to keep on living. This is obviously God's way of making sure I live to regret, like the saying, "You'll_ _live to regret this!"_

_But, I suppose I can do nothing now, but beg for forgiveness and hope that my husband and son won't hold a grudge against me even in death. I suppose I am getting my hopes too high. I certainly don't deserve any form of forgiveness from anyone, especially my son. He was so young and I was so cruel. Sometimes, when I reflect back on that, I want to believe I have the memories of another person, but I know that's just my way of trying to excuse my actions. They're simply inexcusable. I was a bad person, unworthy of having a child. Even God could see that. So, He took my child away._

_I say that, but really, I guess even my own child could see I was unworthy of keeping him..._

_Sometimes, I wish this sickness would just hurry up and kill me. I've been going on for so long and there's just nothing left in me._

Taktuo leaned back, going over the words in his mind. She had obviously been a very confused individual and he wondered if maybe she  _hadn't_ had something wrong in the head, but her writing was fluent enough. Maybe she had just made horrible decisions during her time of grieving. Maybe she really couldn't handle her husband dying and leaving her with a child. Regardless, this showed she had some feelings. She couldn't even write Izumi's name in the journal. The whole thing reeked of sadness. He flipped to another entry that had caught his attention.

_I'm writing in this journal again. The doctor said it would be healthy for me to write. I don't know why. I've never kept a journal before. I wish I would have before my husband passed away. I could have read about happier times. I haven't been able to have a husband again, it was just too painful to think about. Not to mention what man could possibly want a woman who had let her child throw himself..._

The writing trailed off and there were some scribbles and stab marks as if she had become so upset she had stabbed at the paper with the pen, literally making tiny holes in the paper. A few pages later, on a fresh piece that had no holes, she continued the entry.

_Well, I hope this is healthy for me. I don't know. It's been making me think more than I like to. About things I've tried to forget, but can't because if I forgot, then I wouldn't learn._

_The worst mistake is the mistake that's never realized, or so they say. If you live life with no regrets, then did you learn anything from your life?_

_But, sometimes, I wonder, what's the point in that. I know you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, but what if they were so bad, there's no way you can really fix them. I mean, what was there to learn from my life when I think about it? Really, it was stuff I should have known, but didn't. Why didn't I?_

_How come my husband left me?! He said we would always be together, he promised. And I know it's stupi_ d,  _I_ **know**   _he didn't_   **want** _to leave me, but still, I find myself blaming him. Thinking maybe we should have never gone down that road if we didn't know how it would end. Because, even if his intentions were good, he paved a road to Hell for me. I guess what they say about good intentions and the road to Hell are really true... And I stuck my son right on that path..._

There were more stab marks and more violently this time. Takuto frowned at them. Kana had obviously bottled up a lot of her pain. He wondered if she had ever sought out counseling because she could have used some. He had originally agreed with her merits on good intentions paving the road to Hell, but Kana had surprised him several entries later.

_I was going back, rereading some of my entries from earlier. I've been writing in here sporadically for the past ten months and I find it actually_ _**does** _ _help, despite my initial doubts. It's helped to organize my mind and clear my head and really get things out I had been wanting to say to someone for_ _**years.** _ _It was just I could never write before because I was so terrified someone would find and read it and realize what a horrible person I was. But knowing I'll probably be dying soon, I suppose I don't need to worry about that._

_Maybe someone will find my journal and not make the same awful mistakes I did. Maybe if their husband dies, they'll realize they aren't the only one suffering and maybe offer their child some form of comfort, instead of driving them away and into death. I wish I could go back and change so much, but I cannot. I suppose even now, I could have made better use of the time I had left on this planet, instead of just asking God why he punished me and being envious and weary of happy people, instead of avoiding small children because they reminded me of my own loss, instead of being so sure of myself that I was supposed to suffer endlessly. Maybe I should have tried to help others, maybe I should have been less selfish._

_It's amazing how at the end of your life, you truly realize how important others are and how selfish you've truly been. I've been acting like the victim, asking why my husband was taken away, asking why I couldn't have had a better personality, a stronger child, a better life. When I never acknowledge that maybe a lot of it was my own fault. My suffering was mostly because I chose to suffer. I could have been happy with what time I'd had with my husband. I could have watched my son grow up and have his own family. But I am selfish, only thinking of how unhappy life has made_ _**me** _ _._

_And it's ironic, because you realize you_ _**knew** _ _all this in your mind your whole life, but your actions have shown that you did not truly believe or understand it. I guess that saying that actions are louder than words is one of the truest sayings of them all. Most people's actions don't back up their words and I definitely fall into that category. I've always known the words, but never followed through with my actions.  
_

_And that brings me back to an earlier entry. I wrote about how my husband had paved a path to Hell through good intentions. But, thinking on it, mulling over it, and pondering it without letting my anger get the best of me, I realize I'm incorrect in this. My husband did pave a path and even if it was to Hell, the fact of the matter is he never forced me onto it. I chose to walk that path. It's debatable if he even paved the path in the first place. Although a lot of paths are paved with good intentions, leading to Hell or Heaven, it still boils down to whether a person chooses to walk on said paved paths._

_Although, I would argue that you definitely have a strong influence on the paths children take as opposed to adults. I was a poor example. I chose to walk on a poor path and my son followed in my footsteps._

_I wish I would have thought on all this earlier in life instead of waiting right up until before I die. I guess I'm truly selfish to the core, selfish to the very end and only realizing too late._

_Not that I ever could have made up what I did. But I could have at least tried to be a better person._

_Well, I'm going to jump onto the bandwagon of "It's never too late!" The nurses were asking if I would_ _be willing to sit with some other weaker patients who will be leaving shortly. To comfort them in their last moments. I feel like I'm a poor choice. I was there for my husband's last moments and I was hysterical. I was there for my son's last moments and I was useless. But I will be better now. I will not be selfish or useless. I still have a few months left in me yet._

Takuto felt a small smile on his lips as he looked at the journal. This entry was only halfway into it and the journal was  _thick._ As it had turned out, Kana hadn't died within months of that entry. He wasn't sure if it was her determination to be a better person after her revelation, but she had managed to live for nearly two more years, apparently, being a great help to the nurses and a favorite among the other patients that were sick as well. She had even been released from the hospital for a long period, the doctors thinking she was healthy, but she still volunteered. Then she had a remission and had to be admitted again. She had chosen to die in her home, though, with a nurse, because she didn't want the sight of her wasted body to be a discouragement to the other patients fighting sickness.

She had a ton more entries after that, but most were about other patients and her concern for them and how they helped shape her into a better person. It had taken Takuto nearly four hours to read the journal thus far and he found he kept going back to those entries, pondering on them and trying to absorb what she had been saying because it seemed important to him. He had known most of it, but he didn't want to forget it ever, especially after reading her entry about how she had known in her head it was selfish, but had still acted selfishly without even truly realizing it. The entry left him pondering his own feelings as well. He had always assumed she was heartless and horrible and he had been quick to judge her. But, really, who was he to judge her? He wasn't God. He wasn't even Izumi or her husband, the two people who would have the most right to be upset and hateful towards her. How could he ever had thought it was okay to judge her when he couldn't even begin to relate to her. He promised himself that he would never be so quick to condemn another person again, despite how much he disagreed with their actions.

He finally went back to where he had been and read on until he got to the last entry. It took his breath away.

_I fear my time is getting shorter. I'm anxious to see my husband and my son again and fall to my knees and beg for their forgiveness. I'm anxious and terrified of seeing God and begging for His forgiveness. If I'm granted it from both He and my family, I think that will simply be too much. If I were not already dead, I would probably die of happiness. I wonder if you can even die after you die. If there's even anything there. Or maybe... No, I refuse to believe there's nothing there. I've been living my whole life waiting for this moment. I know there's going to be someone there._

_My son. His ashes. I've asked to be buried with them, but I am suspicious that Shinakio might take them. He said it would be a shame to simply bury the necklace I've been wearing my whole life. I asked him why as the only reason my son was cremated was because there wasn't enough left of him to_ _**bury.** _ _Otherwise, he would be in a coffin right next to my husband. I've also requested he put me on the other side of my husband. I know sometimes people put their child in the middle, but I don't think I deserve to be anywhere near his memorial stone, even though his ashes have hung around my neck for years._

_I suppose that makes no sense whatsoever. And maybe I'm still too selfish, wanting to be put closer to my husband than my son's memorial stone, telling myself it shouldn't matter because I'll be buried with his ashes. It shouldn't matter because I'm going to be_ _**dead.** _ _Is my dead body really going to care what side of my husband or son's tombstones I'm on? Probably not._

_Still, I asked anyway._

_It's silly. I know Shinakio will take away my son's ashes, but I suppose I don't deserve to be buried with any part of him and I don't deserve to be next to his memorial stone. I've been cruelly clinging to him and now, he will be completely free of me if he hasn't already been. In my death, I will have to let him_ _go completely._

_If there is one person I could see, one person I could apologize to, more than any other person, it would be my son._

_My son, Lio Izumi._

_I haven't written or said his name since his funeral. But, see, I never forgot it._

_How could I?_


	15. Purpose

(A/N: After this, all that's left is the epilogue. I hope all that have been reading have enjoyed it and special thanks to those kind enough to leave reviews. It really does make me happy!)

_"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."_

_-Jeremiah 29:11_

Blindingly bright whiteness stretched in every which direction. There were no definitive features- no floor, no ceiling, no walls, no doors. Just white as far as the eye could see. The only splashes of color were the two former shinigami. Meroko hardly noticed. What held her attention and put terror in her heart was the agonized screams coming from Izumi.

He was limp before her. If there had been a floor he would have been splayed out on it, but since there was not one, he simply hovered at an odd angle, unaware of the situation or his surroundings. Meroko could float above or under him or kneel next to him, but her cries of inquiry fell on deaf ears. She held Izumi's hand in her own, but he remained oblivious to her presence. She ran her fingers through his hair and tried talking to him in soothing tones, but nothing could wipe the turmoil out of his eyes and she thought she might die  _again_  if she had to keep listening to these anguished screams. It already felt like she had been there forever.

"What's wrong? What happened?" she kept frantically asking, fear twisting her gut. Noako had failed to inform her she would have to  _watch_  Izumi be wiped from existence if that's what was happening. She was crying herself, frustration at not knowing what was going on and being incapable of comforting Izumi. They were obviously in the ethereal world, but she could never recall being here before.

"It's his personalities."

_"Noako!"_

"Present." Noako offered her a half-hearted salute.

"What's wrong with him?"

"His two personalities are having to combine. Really, three. His original human life, the shinigami one, and the fake one he just led."

_"What?"_  Meroko asked in confusion. She remained next to Izumi, both floating slightly lower than Noako. Izumi twisted and turned, muttering incoherently. Meroko wondered if he could even conjure coherent thought in that much pain. She looked pleadingly at Noako. "Please, can't you make it stop?"

Noako sighed, her staff in her hand like always. "He is at a disadvantage since he had no memories of his past life as a shinigami. I'm trying to put them back into his head, but it's a painful process as you can see."

Meroko stared at her in horror. "What?" she whispered, tightening her grip on Izumi's hand. "Can-can you like  _expedite_  it? How long is he going to have to suffer like this?"

Noako shook her head slowly. "Basically, it's like two people fusing into one. It's very confusing and extremely painful. Imagine if I were to suddenly combine your personality with another's. That's essentially what's happening to him right now. It could go on... _forever._  Until he reconciles the two personalities."

The horror in Meroko's eyes intensified at this unsettling revelation.  _"Forever?"_ She squeezed Izumi's hand again when he let out another groan. "So that's why he's in all this pain and I'm not?" she asked. "Because I never lost my memories of my shinigami life?"

"Correct." Noako confirmed.

"What about what you said before?"

"What did I say before?"

"About how his soul was carrying all the grief and frustration for both of us. Is that still true?"

"Yes, that's a large part of the reason, too."

Meroko partially stood, but refused to release Izumi's hand. "Why didn't you say so just now? Were you not going to tell me?"

"What's it matter?"

"Take it away from him! Give it to  _me!_ He can't be fusing and have all of that on top of it."

"The fusion is only aggravating the pain. He could be fusing the personalities together forever. Eventually, the pain would subside if it were  _just_ the fusion."

"So take it away from him!" Meroko demanded angrily. "Make it  _just_  the fusion!"

"Then once his pain subsides, he would have to listen to you in agonizing pain. He would be trying to comfort you while you withered in agony."

"But that would subside eventually, right?"

"The weight of grief and frustration won't leave your souls. It would be equal to taking your experiences away from you and you learn from your experiences. Without that, you are useless. Your souls would be nothing. It would never subside. It  _can't."_

_"I_ can't listen to him like this," Meroko muttered. "And he can't..." she trailed off, contemplating the situation. She couldn't expect Izumi to just sit helplessly and watch her writhe in pain the way she was watching him. She stared at Izumi for a long while, deliberating on her options and carefully considering how her choices would affect both of them. Noako had yet to leave so the woman must have been waiting for something. It hit her like a ton of bricks. Why hadn't she seen it sooner? She couldn't disguise the hopefulness in her voice,  _"Noako!"_

"Yes?"

"You said before about how we went to extremes. Is there a way we can share this pain then?"

Noako's face broke out into a grin and she leaned forward. "I'm glad the meaning of the phrase 'happy medium' is finally coming to light in your mind."

"So we can?" Meroko asked, the horror and helplessness in her eyes giving way to hope and anticipation.

Noako's grin remained in place as she finally gave Meroko a long-awaited explanation for everything they had been put through. "Yes. You  _can._  It'll take a little while, but you will be able to take some of the pain he is currently experiencing until it evens out between the both of you. You will both have an equal amount of the grief and frustration, instead of one solely shouldering it all. It'll take you both a while before you're able to be on steady feet. There is no time here, but if there were it would probably equate to several months."

Meroko decided against asking her how she could give estimates of time in this timeless plane.

"So, we're not going to get wiped out of existence then?"

"No," Noako assured her as she started to wave her staff.  _No doubt to take some of that weight off Izumi's soul_ , Meroko thought with a mixture of fear and gratefulness. Grateful she would be able to help him, frightened of what would happen to her. Still, it would be less than what he was suffering through right now. Noako continued to wave her staff and her smile brightened.

"What?" Meroko asked. "Why are you so happy about all of this? Didn't we screw everything up?"

"You did, but you just managed to fix everything. You do realize I was only the messenger the whole time, right? The new boss never came because there  _wasn't_  one."

_"What?"_

"I was sent to determine who would be most likely able to handle the pressures of being the new Boss." Noako paused thoughtfully. "Nothing was getting done without any real structure so it was decided to elect a candidate for the position. I studied up all the shinigami, or angels as you will, and picked you, Izumi, and the other four shinigami that were coupled off for the position."

Meroko was dumbstruck. "You were considering us for the position? That's why we had all that work?"

"Yes. I wanted to see who would be ballsy enough to stand up for what was right. What I did was totally unfair. I'm surprised I managed to get away with it for as long as I did. It was a huge relief when you and Izumi stood up to me."

"You  _wanted_  that?"

"Yes.  _I_ don't want to be in charge of doling out death for eternity."

_"What?"_

"Yes. It's not supposed to be a job that you are ever relieved from. Sheldon served for a long time, but he used a special power to help your friends, effectively leaving the position open for another. At first, it was thought the shinigami, or angels, could work it out themselves, but with no one to motivate them, the deaths were not being dealt as they should be and fell drastically behind schedule."

"Right," Meroko chipped in, feeling a burst of pain in her stomach. Izumi's hand slipped through hers and she doubled over, clutching at her midsection. She forced herself to continue focusing on Noako, knowing what she was saying was of great importance. "I was there for that. We did fall way behind. Several years."

" _Way_  behind, correct. It was also determined that the new governing force should be two people as that's what it essentially was before, though Sheldon was the main face. That's why I coupled all of you off at the beginning."

Meroko listened, not sure she was quite understanding everything. "What are you getting at exactly? Are you implying what I think you are?" There was now pain shooting through the back of her head, but she refused to give in until Noako finished.

"Yes. Once you and Izumi are able to get up, it's been decided that you two should rule over the death realm, the Underworld. You two will motivate the shinigami. If you prefer the term angels, you can refer to them and yourselves as so."

"But we were human again for over twelve years..." Meroko mumbled in awe, still unable to fully grasp what she was being told.

"Yes, it was to test you and to make sure you  _truly_ understood the value of life. To erase any doubt in your mind that you wanted to have another chance at life since you have already been granted it. So you would not give life out easily and so you would not take it easily."

"You're telling me that we are the bosses of the Underworld? That we- _we_  are going to be giving out the death lists and will be ruling over all the other angels of death?  _We're_  going to be the ones to team up the angels and greet the news ones as well?" Meroko asked through her astonishment. Her surprise and disbelief at everything was so strong, it lessened the physical pain.

_"Yes."_ Noako smiled at her before lifting her staff high in the air, straight above her head, grasping it tightly with both hands. "Now, if all goes well, you'll never have to see me again. So, let's all hope it does." With a burst of light, Noako dissolved before Meroko's eyes.

Meroko stared at where she thought Noako had been, but it was hard to remember after a little bit because everything was so white. Maybe she had been transfixed on that spot for hours, it was hard to tell, there being no time where she and Izumi were currently at. More pain shot through her and without Noako to distract her, she clutched at her head and whimpered. It hurt so bad, the physical pain topped with the emotional pain of listening to Izumi's groans and cries. Then there was the overwhelming relief that spread through her body every time she recalled the conversation she'd had with Noako. Izumi would be okay.  _Everything_  would be okay. Things were starting to look up now.  _Finally,_ she couldn't help but think with a smile through the pain.

Meroko had no idea how long it had been, but she supposed it was pointless to care. To her relief, Izumi's cries had subsided considerably, and he was slowly gaining awareness and coherence. She had fallen next to him long ago, clutching his hand and murmuring softly to him, ignoring her own pain. After some time, her pain subsided and she supposed it was getting to the point that Noako had mentioned. Not that it was completely gone, she was pretty sure she would topple if she tried to get up, but it was much more bearable than it had been in the beginning.

Izumi blinked rapidly and looked around slowly, his eyes finally clear. Meroko grinned nervously at him. "Hey," she greeted, softly, feeling her stomach knot up inside her. She wanted to believe everything Noako had said, but she had found it hard to fight that ever present fear that Izumi would have that clueless light that had been in his eyes for over a decade now.

There was light, but it wasn't clueless. A slow smile spread over his face and he tightened his grip on Meroko's hand. "Me-chan," he murmured quietly. Meroko smiled brightly, but didn't ask for him to say anything more. It was obvious that small greeting had taken a lot out of him and he quickly fell asleep. She was quick to follow him in slumber.

Meroko slept off and on for countless hours. It could have been days, weeks, or even months. Izumi slumbered peacefully next to her and she was anxious for him to wake up again. She wanted to be reassured that he did remember, that the one greeting wasn't a fluke. At one point, she cracked her eyes open from her sleep and he was staring straight into them. "Good morning," Izumi said lazily, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Been awhile."

Meroko felt laughter bubble up within her and she released it in controlled giggles, fearing what outright laughter would do to her body. Tears of joy and relief sprang to her eyes and she scooted closer to him. "I'm-I'm so happy! You  _remember!_  You  _remember!"_ Meroko knew she would never think of the phrase, 'shout from the highest mountaintop and from the lowest valley' as an exaggeration ever again because that is precisely what she wished she could do. To hike up the highest mountain and shout and whoop for joy and to dance in the lowest valley, her body was simply bursting with uncontainable joy. He  _ **remembered!**_

Izumi pulled her closer and kissed her lightly on the forehead. "Yes, I do. I remember  _everything._  It's a little strange," he muttered, more to himself, "but it still kind of feels like Takuto and Mitsuki are my parents."

Meroko let real laughter rip through her throat now, unable to keep it in. "They made good parents, right?" She clung to him a little tighter. "They were so protective of you, it was  _so_  cute! If it had been in a different situation, I'm sure I would have teased them about it."

"Me, too," Izumi agreed with a nod. "Well, at least they have Rei now."

"You still think of her as your baby sister?"

"Actually, yes," Izumi admitted, frowning slightly. "It's like I really have lived three different lives, and am starting another one. But this place makes my mind much clearer, I don't think this is a life that's going to end any time soon."

"It's not," Meroko confirmed. "This place is timeless. But we  _will_  leave eventually. Noako said if there was time, it would be several months."

"That doesn't make much sense," Izumi said in confusion. "There's no time, but it'll be several months?"

"I thought it was weird, too," Meroko agreed, and launched into an explanation of everything Noako had told her and the purpose behind everything.

Once she was finished, Izumi stared at her, his eyes wider than usual. "You mean,  _we're_  the new Boss, now? Bosses?"

Meroko nodded. "Yes. That's what Noako said. Once we're released from this plane of existence, we'll rule over the Underworld, the angels of death." She sighed happily. "I'm nervous, but excited. And so happy that you'll be with me."

"I'm happy, too." Izumi was definitely happy to be in this with Meroko. He was still trying to process everything, having much less time than Meroko to digest all this information. It was quite a shock to the system to think Noako hadn't been totally evil. Imagining himself and Meroko as the rulers of the Underworld was slightly overwhelming. It was difficult to sort through all of his emotions at the moment.

Everything still seemed so real to him. Every emotion from being his mother's son in his first life, the love he felt for Meroko in the shinigami life, and the family ties he had formed with Takuto and Mitsuki during this past life. They all combined and it was overpowering. He had to quash all of them down more often than not, because it was painful to think about at times. He vaguely wondered how hard it would be to control all these emotions once they left this plane of existence, which helped ease the mind. Meroko watched him intently as he fell into silent contemplation.

It was sad what had conspired between he and his biological mother. It was amazing what he had with Meroko, but he felt horrible she had to go through such an awful experience on account of him. It was touching that Mitsuki and Takuto had cared so much, but he felt bad for he knew they were probably torn up inside now and it was over him. "I'm always causing people pain," he muttered sadly.

Meroko gripped both his hands tightly. "No," she whispered with credence. "People cause pain when they're cared for and it's a  _good_  pain, it's not anything to be ashamed about," she explained. "It would be much sadder if no one were ever to be in pain over you. If you're causing someone pain, that means they care for you and everyone wants someone to care about them and someone to care for." It was spoken with such fierce conviction, Izumi wouldn't doubt that Meoko could change the mind of the most stubborn skeptic.

Izumi grinned at her. "You always know what to say."

"That I do." she said with a slight smile. She was quiet for a long while before working up the courage to ask a question that had been on her mind for years now. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"That you were so  _young."_

Izumi pulled back a little and regarded her carefully. "I didn't want you to think of me as a six-year old, Meroko, because I'm _not_  and I  _wasn't._  I'm fully grown. Don't think I'm not."

Meroko felt a tiny grin tugging at her lips. "Pretty much exactly what Takuto said."

Izumi laughed lightly. "Smart one, that Takuto. I hope I take after my Dad," he added with a wink and Meroko laughed. After her laughter trailed off, Izumi turned serious again. "Noako said I wouldn't be able to say good-bye to them. I doubt we'll still be able to keep in touch."

"Right," Meroko agreed. "I feel bad for them."

"Me, too. One day, I'll have to thank them."

Meroko nodded. "And I'll have to reassure them there's no hard feelings."

More time passed and eventually the two found themselves able to pull their bodies into sitting position, albeit with help from the other. Then they were able to stand, leaning heavily on each other. Eventually, the pain gave way completely and both could actively move around, exploring the area. Both soon found there wasn't much to explore. They both hovered around, confused where the area began and ended and except for themselves there was no color or other activity to be found.

Izumi had gradually become more and move relieved, realizing one of the purposes of being in this ethereal plane was to help him gain control over his emotions. They were no longer as overwhelmingly strong as they had been when he had first awakened. He found he could think much clearer and had a better grasp on reality. Clearly, Noako must have factored this into her plan and was one of the reasons they had to stay here so long. He was now anxious to return to the Underworld and he knew Meroko was as well.

"She did say we'd be leaving this place, right?" Izumi asked Meroko.

She shot him a quick glare, but hurriedly pushed aside her feelings of frustration. He had asked more than once, but she couldn't blame him. Meroko had begun to think maybe she had misunderstood. At any rate, she was so over the moon to have him back that she didn't want to snap or argue. It was an innocent question and he never asked with any anger or impatience in his voice. "Yeah, she did. She said several months," Meroko reminded him with a small sigh. "Feels like it's been longer."

"At least we're in good company, right?" Izumi asked, grinning at her and Meroko couldn't help but return the smile.

They had no idea how long it had been, but both were beginning to wonder if Noako had lied to them after all. Right before Meroko lost it and started cursing Noako, small particles began to appear out of nowhere, massing together in one area. The couple watched as the particles went from glowing brightness to a dark mass within a matter of seconds. They continued to build on each other until a shape could finally be determined.

The particles were forming a door of sorts. It took awhile, but eventually a dark, detailed, oval door loomed over Izumi and Meroko. It was odd and it was simply hovering in the ethereal plane, the only hint of color other than the two angels of death themselves. Izumi and Meroko both stared at it wide-eyed. Both knew it was a portal to the Underworld. If everything Noako had said was true, it  _should_  lead to the Underworld.

Izumi looked over at her, excitement and nervousness shining in his eyes. "I guess this is it."

"I think so." Meroko could hardly contain her excitement and was ready to race through the door, but held back, not wanting to chance getting separated from Izumi. He reached out and held her hand in his own. They both stood before the door, hand-in-hand.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"More than ready," she assured him.

Together, clutching each others' hands, they slowly walked through the door. Bursts of color engulfed them for several seconds before they came out on the other side.

A grinning angel greeted them. "Hey, there! Welcome back to the Underworld! We've all been waiting."

Izumi gaped at the girl.  _"Kyoko?"_

Kyoko's grin didn't falter and she laughed nervously. "Gotta tell you, when you pulled that suicide stunt shortly after my own, whoa, was Noako ever pissed at me. I thought she was gonna wipe me straight out of existence!" Meroko eyed the two of them curiously and Izumi's look assured her that she would hear the story later.

He shook his head at Kyoko. "I bet." He raised Meroko's hand a little. "This is Meroko." His eyes brightened when he said her name and Meroko beamed with happiness.

Kyoko curtsied to both of them. "I've been assigned as your assistant until you see fit to either promote or demote me. I can show you to your office and I have also prepared the most recent Death List for you two to review."

Izumi and Meroko shared a short look of amazement. They squeezed hands tightly as they both realized they were not dreaming. It was real; Noako had been completely truthful. This would be their new life now.

They would be together.

For eternity.


	16. May Angels Lead You In

(A/N: Thank you  **so**  much to those of you who took the time to review. Thank you Aozora, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading about Kana. I tried very hard to make her sympathetic after reading the blurb on her in the manga notes. Thank you again to FMAohshc and Bookmal14. You guys really made writing the story even more enjoyable than what it already was, so thank you very much for that. You have my gratitude. It's been fun and definitely one of my favorite stories to write. Thanks again to the reviewers and to those that have read it. I hope you silent readers have enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it.)

(This is the epilogue, the final chapter. It will have a few time-skips.)

_And if you were with me tonight,_   
_I'd sing to you just one more time._   
_A song for a heart so big,_   
_God couldn't let it live._   
_May angels lead you in._

_Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World_

Rei stared helplessly at her mother. Mitsuki's face was pale and slick with sweat. Her breaths came in ragged gasps. Takuto sat on the other side of the bed, gently gripping her hand in his own. Silent tears trekked down his cheeks.

"Dad?" Rei asked hesitantly. "Uh..." she trailed off, unsure what to say. It was becoming more and more obvious that Mitsuki would be leaving them any moment. She didn't want to leave the room, but she also felt as though she were invading in on something very personal. Rei had recently moved to the university. She knew it had been hard on her parents, her mother already weakened from sickness. Rei hadn't been expecting to get the dreaded call from her father so soon and she couldn't keep the feelings of guilt at bay. Had she somehow sped up the process?

Takuto's tired eyes met his daughter's. "Yes, hon?" was the quiet question. He was glad Rei had rushed over when he had informed her of her mother's critical state. Mitsuki had been ill for a few years now, but recently she had taken a turn for the worse and quite suddenly. He had been worried that Rei wouldn't make it in time, but she had made a way to get there as soon as possible and he was relieved.

Mitsuki's eyes slit open and she tried to smile at Takuto. She weakly squeezed his hand. He squeezed back gently and leaned forward, kissing her tenderly on the cheek.

"You're going to get to see Izumi and Meroko again," he whispered in her ear and her eyes brightened a little.

Rei bit her lip, feeling wetness on her cheeks. "Yeah, Mom," she whispered, grabbing her mother's free hand and squeezing it. "You'll be with 'Zumi and Meroko." Rei had heard the story many times. She wouldn't quite believe it, but her parents had so many pictures of her brother. They had told her the whole story of the shinigami when she had become smart enough to do math in her head and realized that the dates on her brother's tombstone didn't quite match up to the dates he had supposedly been alive. The grave said he'd been six, his parents said he'd been eighteen. It was a drastic difference and she'd always felt a bit stupid that it had taken her until almost middle school to realize something so obvious.

They had explained the shinigami to her and assured her that one day she'd meet both her brother and Meroko. It left an odd feeling within her as she felt so disconnected from the story. She wished she could have formed a bond with her brother. Rei wished she could have been part of the story as her parents and the two angels of death they talked so fondly of had been deeply bonded. It was hard not to be envious of her deceased brother growing up. She had come to terms with it and gotten over it, realizing that she had formed her own deep bond with her parents in a different way. Now, she desperately wished for her brother or Meroko to pop out of nowhere and reassure them. For them to let both her and her father know that they would look over Mitsuki. The reassurance never came and Rei had to settle with squeezing her mother's hand tighter.

Takuto had expressed doubt that they would even know if Mitsuki had seen one of them. Angels of death weren't supposed to linger long around the world of the living. Rei sighed sadly as her mother weakened before her eyes physically and her father weakened before her eyes emotionally.

Mitsuki was in so much pain. She could vaguely hear Takuto and Rei, murmuring softly. She wasn't sure if they were talking to her or each other. She knew she was in a hospital and she knew she was in bad shape. It wouldn't be much longer. Takuto knew, too. He had told her she would be seeing Izumi and Meroko soon. She didn't want to leave Takuto and Rei behind, but her body was no longer inhabitable. Takuto and Rei's voices were fading, lights were getting brighter, and her pain was ebbing. A crisp, clear, and loud voice called out to her.

"Mitsuki.

It was a voice she hadn't heard in a long time. She grinned in spite of herself. "Meroko?"

A gloved hand found her own and helped her stand up. It took Mitsuki a moment to realize that she was no longer solid and completely free of pain. She had died in the last few seconds. She looked down at herself, realizing years had been shaved off her frame. Meroko came into her line of sight, a sad smile upon her lips. "Mitsuki, it's been awhile."

Mitsuki nodded, tears springing up in her eyes as she stared at her old friend. "Meroko," she whispered in slight disbelief. She and Takuto had both always hoped that Izumi or Meroko would greet them once they died, but there was always a small part of them that had wondered if their friends were even still in existence. "Y-you're here. You're okay. I'm so happy!" she exclaimed through her tears, taking her hand out of Meroko's, and throwing herself at the other woman, hugging her tightly. "I'm  _so_  happy!"

Meroko laughed and gladly returned the hug. "I am too, Mitsuki, I am, too." She pulled away from the hug and looked at Mitsuki, happy tears on her cheeks. They hugged again and she burst into laughter. "There's someone else who would like to see you."

Mitsuki looked into Meroko's eyes, hardly able to believe it. She looked past Meroko and realized Izumi was standing there, hanging back.  _"I-Izumi!"_ Mitsuki called out in relief, more tears wetting her cheeks. It was hard to believe they were  _both_  still here. Everything was okay. They had still been in existence this whole time. She and Takuto hadn't needed to worry after all.

Izumi grinned and felt his own eyes starting to water. Mitsuki had him in an embrace in a matter of seconds. "Mitsuki," he said quietly, followed with a whispered, "Mom." Mitsuki squeezed tighter and Meroko fondly watched in silence for several moments.

Mitsuki finally collected herself and pulled away, looking both of them in the eyes. "What happens now?" she asked.

"We bring you to the Other Side," Izumi explained with a small smile.

"Yes," Meroko agreed with a nod, also smiling.

"Oh," Mitsuki said cautiously, noting that while each looked happy to see her, there was a sadness in their eyes she couldn't quite place. She had assumed it had to do with her dying, but now she wasn't so sure. There was more to it. "What-how does that work?"

"We bring you to the Gates," Izumi informed her. "At the Gates, the Keeper will greet you and let you into Heaven."

Mitsuki stared at them in awe. "Heaven? What? That-that's  _amazing!_ Wow. You get to bring me to Heaven?"

There was a short silence before Meroko replied. "We bring you to the Gates. The Keeper will bring you to Heaven."

Mitsuki studied each of them carefully for a moment. "We can visit, though, right? You two can go into Heaven, right?" The awkward silence was enough of an answer and Mitsuki found herself pushing down panic and fear. "But I want to be able to visit!" she exclaimed desperately. "I still want to be able to see you again!"

"It's not our place," Izumi said quietly. "We don't belong. We are tasked with this job for eternity."

Meroko nodded gravely. "This is simply how it must be, Mitsuki. Don't be sad for us, though. We are together and happy." She grabbed Mitsuki's hands and squeezed them gently. "Mitsuki, be happy that you get to go to Heaven. There are others that we've had to lead to different Gates. One day we will get to lead Takuto and Rei to the Gates we are about to bring you to. You will all be together and happy there."

Mitsuki didn't look wholly convinced. "But what about you two? I don't want to be separated for eternity."

Meroko and Izumi's faces both twisted with slight wistfulness. Izumi found his voice first. "It's just the way things are. We reap what we sow." His mouth quirked back into a smile. "Don't worry, though. Meroko and I are the Bosses of the Underworld, so we'll be okay."

"You  _are?!"_  Mitsuki asked in shock. "Wow, that's-that's...wow. That's great!" she gushed. The enthusiasm soon left her voice, though. "If that's so, why can't you get into Heaven, too?"

Izumi and Meroko both laughed a little at the question. Meroko shook her head. "Mitsuki, we're Bosses of the  _Underworld_ , not  _Heaven_. Or Hell, for that matter. This is the world where angels still work among the living. Those that committed suicide, as you know. This is the world for those that don't get to leave this realm, but still watch those  _living_  within. Those that lived life fully are sent to the Gates of either Heaven or Hell. We're like the go-between."

"Oh," Mitsuki noted with heavy disappointment. "I wish you could come."

Izumi grabbed one of Mitsuki's hands, so both he and Meroko were on either side of her. "We wish that, too, sometimes. We are happy here, though. So no worries, okay? In Heaven, you're not supposed to worry. And you don't  _need_  to worry for us."

Mitsuki was silent for several long moments before giving a slight inclination of her head. "Right. This is the way things must be." She wasn't sure if they had magic or if something was in the air, but suddenly everything they were saying made perfect sense to her. She no longer wanted to question or argue with any of it because of just how much sense it was making. "Lead the way."

At the Gates, the Keeper was waiting patiently for their arrival. Mitsuki stared in awe at the Gates. They towered far beyond sight. They were gleaming with perfection and strangely inviting. Mitsuki couldn't think of any words that could possibly describe just how grand and majestic they were. Mitsuki noted that she was still a ways away, but Meroko and Izumi had stopped her to bid her farewell. The Keeper, a genderless entity that took souls through the final stretch, was starting to move towards them in fluid, graceful strides.

"We can't stay long," Meroko hurriedly told Mitsuki, engulfing her in another hug. "No hard feelings, okay? I love you!" With that, Meroko dissolved from sight before Mitsuki could protest. Before she could recover, Izumi drew her into a hug.

"Thank you for everything," he whispered into her ear. "I really enjoyed being your son. I love you, Mom." He vanished from her sight even as she responded.

"I love you, too." Mitsuki stared at where they'd been, shocked. Tears slid down her cheeks as she recounted how hurried the good-bye had been. She had been hoping they could linger longer. After a few moments of silently crying, the Keeper approached her, reminding her she was not alone. She looked at the Keeper's outstretched hand. The Gates loomed a distance away, but stood so strong and proud. The Keeper stopped short when she didn't immediately grasp the hand.

"I cannot cross out of the shadows nor can the angels of death cross into it. They are only afforded a very short amount of time to even glimpse the Gates each time they bring a soul here. That's why they could not bring you any closer or stay longer. They have to go back to collecting other souls now. They are in charge of making sure all the souls get up here after all." The outreached hand shook invitingly.

Mitsuki grabbed hold of it and stepped into the shadows of the Gates. "Th-thank you," she mumbled. Her eyes widened as her tears dried up the moment she stepped into the shadows.

The Keeper went on, "That's the power of the Gates. You must be special because usually the Bosses of the Underworld don't lead the souls here themselves. They usually task others with the job and supervise." They walked in companionable silence until they were at the Gates. They had opened wide during the walk to them and Mitsuki stared at the world within, anxious to be part of it.

"It's beautiful," she breathed.

The Keeper nodded agreeably. "It is and you will add to the allure. Come, it's time for you to go through the Gates."

Rei found herself staring at her brother's grave in slight aggravation. "Are you going to take my father away, too, now?" she demanded, feeling resentment shoot through her at the brother she could hardly recall. It had been over two decades since her mother's passing. She supposed she should be more mature by now instead of angrily demanding answers from a brother she doubted could hear her.

Her father had grown old and sick and she knew he didn't have much time left. She wanted so badly for her adoptive brother to appear before her and offer her some kind of reassurance, but it never happened. She sighed miserably, glancing at the locket she held carefully in her hands. Both her parents had treasured it. Rei knew it contained his ashes and, for the life of her, she couldn't figure out  _why_  someone would put someone's remains in a locket and wear it as jewelry. It gave her the creeps. She had considered spreading the ashes around his site, but she wanted to wait for the right time.

Strands of her hair fluttered in the breeze and she stuffed her hands in her pockets. "It's almost time," she whispered sadly to the empty cemetery. She knew what she was waiting for. She glanced back at the graves. Her brother's birth parents were on one side of his and her own mother's was on the other side. Takuto would be placed on the other side of Mitsuki.

Rei knew she would be buried nearby with her own family. She gave the graves one last long look before slowly leaving the cemetery.

Takuto had aged considerably. Mitsuki's death had sped along the process. He had refused to be with any other woman, much to Rei's disappointment. It's not that she thought ill of her mother, she desperately wished she could see Mitsuki again, but she hated to think of her father all alone in his house, growing more distant from society. His time of fame had long since faded and, while his music still had fans, he had all but vanished into obscurity. She had recently hired an in-home nurse for him, being unable to be with him constantly herself.

Fusa, the in-home nurse, greeted Rei with a tired smile. "You got my message."

"Yes."

Sad silence passed between them. Rei knew by Fusa's demeanor that the nurse did not believe her father had much time left in this world.

"I'll be in the living room if you need me," Fusa explained, heading in that direction, wanting to make it clear she felt Rei and her father should have some privacy.

Rei nodded appreciably and walked with heavy footsteps to her father's room. She approached him sadly, already having flashbacks to seeing her mother in the hospital bed all those years ago.

Takuto looked at her through slits. His mouth formed a half smile and it moved slightly as if to greet her, but stopped short. Her father hadn't been able to speak properly for several days. "Hey, Dad," she said, grasping at his hand and holding it close to her.

Takuto weakly squeezed her hand in response.

Rei leaned a little closer to her father. "You'll be seeing Mom again soon. Izumi, too. And your friend, Meroko. Are you ready for that?"

An imperceptible nod of the head was the only response she received. She sat there for a few hours before she knew for sure he was sleeping. Rei left the room, with one last glance over her shoulder at her slumbering father. She found Fusa in the living room, watching a late night TV show.

"Did you talk to him?" the nurse asked cautiously. She didn't want to pry, but she did want to know how her patient was doing and how Rei was for that matter. She knew the child of her patient would be staying the night and wanted to make sure she was prepared for the possibility of Takuto dying sooner rather than later. She wanted to make sure she had said her good-byes.

Rei nodded. "Yes, but he didn't talk back. Still, I talked to him," she said with sadness in her voice. "Feels like I'm never going to get the chance again."

Fusa said nothing in response because she felt the same way. The next morning Fusa discovered that Takuto had passed away during the night.

Takuto squinted at his hands. They were no longer shriveled and weak with age. He could think clearer than he had been able to in a long time. Memories that had became a twisting, confusing maze in his mind were suddenly back in the correct chronological order and he could make sense of all his thoughts again. It was such a rush to feel in control of your own mind after feeling helplessly out of control for so long.

It took a couple moments before he fully comprehended what had happened.  _I'm dead._

"Yes, you are."

_"Meroko!"_  Takuto was beside himself with happiness as Meroko materialized before him, smiling happily. "Meroko, you're  _here!"_  His reaction was similar to MItsuki's and the angel of death soon found herself enveloped in a tearful hug. "We were so worried about you!"

Meroko hugged back, already crying. "I'm fine, there was no need to worry," she assured him. Takuto just hugged her tighter, her words barely registering with him. Meroko finally pulled away and her eyes shone with happiness despite their wetness. "I'm so happy to see you again!"

"Me, too! I'm so, so,  _so_  sorry for all the trouble I made for you, Meroko. I really am."

Meroko had to bite back laughter. "It's okay, Takuto. I'm sorry, too. We both caused each other a lot of trouble, but everything turned out for the best." She paused and some of the happiness left her eyes. "Izumi will be taking you to the Gates. I would like to go, too, but it's just not possible right now," she informed him mournfully.

Takuto said nothing for awhile, trying to process what she had just told him. He finally whispered, "Izumi's here, too?" He felt relief wash over him in waves. Izumi hadn't faded from the worlds, either.

"Yes, he will be shortly."

Memories of his shinigami life came flooding back as he was able to decipher what Meroko wasn't telling her. "The Gates? But that means I won't get to see you or Izumi again." Panic was rising within him. He had  _just_  been reunited with them! This was hardly fair. "I want to say in  _this_  realm, with you two!"

"You can't stay with us, Taa-kun," she explained patiently, slight regret in her tone. "I wish you could, we both do. It's simply impossible. You know that. But don't worry, we'll be fine. We love what we do, we accept it." She hugged Takuto again and he couldn't help but think it was a bit too soon to say good-bye. "Know that there's no hard feelings," she whispered in his ear. "I love and treasure you and Mitsuki both. I wish things could have worked out better, but they turned out for the best in the end. Don't ever doubt that. Say 'hi' to Mitsuki for me once you enter the Gates." She must have realized she was growing short on time because she started rushing towards the end and hugged him a little tighter for a few seconds before vanishing into thin air.

"Meroko...?" Takuto asked into the emptiness, hardly believing what had just conspired despite being a large part of it.

A soft voice came from behind him. "Takuto.  _Dad._ "

Takuto whirled around, hardly able to believe it.  _"Izumi!"_  Both stared at each other for a few moments, overcome with emotion. He knew Meroko had just told him Izumi was still around, but to actually  _see_  him again was overwhelming. "You-you're-" his voice dropped to a whisper in it's overpowering relief, "you're  _here._ You're okay. We weren't sure. We weren't sure," he repeated in his efforts to illustrate just how often he and Mitsuki had agonized over both his and Meroko's fates, but especially his since he had attempted suicide shortly before his disappearance. Naturally, they worried more over him, having had a large role in raising him in his new human life.

Izumi's eyes watered and he gave a short nod. "Yes, I'm okay. I've been here with Me-chan. I'm sorry you had to worry."

Takuto bit his lip uncertainly, eyeing the angel. "So, which-Izumi are you? Really?"

Izumi couldn't help but smile. "All of them. Everything combined once Noako instated us as the Bosses of the Underworld."

The other spirit's eyes widened at this revelation. "You-you are the Boss? And Meroko?" Having worked under the Boss during his short stint as a shinigami, he was immediately aware of the gravity of the situation. "You guys run the place now? Like Sheldon did?"

"Well, not  _exactly_  like Sheldon. He had good intentions, but we try not to make everything so gloomy. Me-chan and I are happy to have been considered and given the position. We don't want to have a whole lot of angels of death running around in misery, even if the job is sometimes sad."

"Th-that's good," Takuto mumbled through his shock. He stared at Izumi in awe. "Meroko was just here, but she didn't say..."

Izumi grinned. "Well,  _I_  wanted to tell my Dad myself."

"Haha," Takuto bent over with light laughter, unsure what to think of the whole situation. Knowing that Izumi remembered  _everything_  now was awkward and wonderful all at once. Relief was still flooding through him as well, finally having the knowledge that Izumi was still very much in existence. Being able to see him solidified what Meroko had said. It was almost too much.

The blond angel moved closer to his former father with a mixture of amusement and concern easily discernible in his yellow eyes. "You going to be okay? I know it's a lot to take in all at once." He could feel Takuto's overwhelming emotions rolling off him in waves. He was having trouble absorbing it all.

Takuto looked up at him and nodded slightly. "Y-yeah, it is," he said. Without hesitation, he closed the gap between them and hugged Izumi tightly. "I was so worried! Me and Mitsuki both were. It was horrible!"

Izumi hugged back, feeling sorrow well up in him. "I know. I'm so sorry," he apologized again. He didn't know how else to make up for the way he had just vanished. He couldn't feel any resentment from Takuto and he knew that Takuto was just so relieved, he was practically bursting with the emotion. Izumi had a brief flash of memories from his last human life. Takuto had been nervous to offer any hugs that first year, but when Izumi had woken up crying about a nightmare and refused comfort from Mitsuki, Takuto had stepped in. Izumi could recall Takuto frequently hugging him after that. For a moment, he felt like that child again, finally living the life he had always wanted, being hugged by his father.

"It's okay, I just- I'm so happy," Takuto assured him, pulling away. "This is almost too good to be true."

"It's good and it is true," Izumi readily assured him. After a short pause, he added, "I need to start leading you to the Gates now."

Happiness fled from Takuto and he was filled with sadness again, but it was less heavy now. "Right. Meroko said that. I had forgotten. The Gates..." he trailed off. Unlike Mitsuki, he remembered full well what this meant. "Right." He vaguely realized that he was already blinking back tears. "I don't want to say good-bye," he lamented.

"I'm sorry." Izumi pulled Takuto back into a hug just to express how sorry he was. "It's just the way things have to be."

"I know," was the quiet reply. "But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

There was a short silence before Izumi pulled away again, resigned determination in his eyes. "Ready?"

"Yes."

They were at the Gates too quickly. Izumi had filled Takuto in on what role Noako had played in the scheme of things and Takuto had filled Izumi in on the growth of Rei. Takuto saw the glittering, towering Gates in the distance and stopped short. Izumi turned towards him, questioningly.

"I don't know if I'm ready."

"Of course you are. You want to see Mitsuki again."

"Yes, but I don't think I'm ready to leave you again just yet. It's so final. I just-" Takuto stopped short, unsure how to express just how much he cared for the former shinigami turned his son turned Ruler of the angels of death.

Izumi gently tugged on one of Takuto's hands. "We have to go," he said softly, but firmly. He added quietly, "I know. I know what you're feeling by your aura. It's okay. I understand."

Takuto nodded, grateful that he did not need to put such strong feelings into words, for he wasn't sure anyone would be capable of such a feat. They got closer and closer to the Gates. Izumi came to a stop right outside the shadows of them.

"I can't go any further," he explained as the Keeper started towards them, ready to take Takuto into temporary care.

"I know." He did, he recalled Sheldon explaining that the shinigami had to stop outside the shadows of the Gates and hand their charge over to the Keeper. Takuto had never been able to lead a soul this far so he had never seen the Gates or the Keeper even when he was a shinigami. It was a breathtakingly beautiful. The Gates gleamed as if they were constantly shined and he felt drawn to them instantly. They were simultaneously inviting and intimidating. "It's gorgeous," he breathed. He felt that was an inadequate description, but no other words came to him. He knew Izumi would understand.

"You never got to see them."

"No."

"Mitsuki's on the other side of them. You will be with her again shortly."

"I know." Takuto felt more tears spring to his eyes. They were sad and happy tears. Happy he would be together with Mitsuki again, sad he would be departing from Izumi. He knew once he went through the Gates, he could never return to this side of them.

Izumi gave him another hug. "Be happy," he insisted. "You will be with Mitsuki for eternity and I will be with Meroko. I-" Izumi faltered as tears sprang to his own eyes, "I...thank you. You and Mitsuki- you didn't have to do what you did. You didn't have to raise me. You gave me such an amazing life and I-I'm so grateful for it. Thank you so much." Izumi squeezed a little harder and rushed on before Takuto could reply. "I told Mitsuki and I want to tell you, too. I really enjoyed being your son." A short pause and a quiet, "I love you, Dad."

Takuto stared ahead, silent tears on his cheeks. Izumi had vanished. "I love you, too," he whispered to the air, his tears drying up as soon as he stepped into the shadow of the Gates. The Keeper held out a hand to him and Takuto gratefully accepted it. The Gates stretched high into the sky, reaching up and beyond sight. Takuto was surprised the angels of death even knew where the shadow began and he wondered if the shadow was even in proportion to the Gates, but shrugged it off as he recalled that the supernatural could defy the human world's physics.

As they closed the relatively large gap between themselves and the Gates, they slowly began to open, revealing bright and gorgeous colors in the world within. The Keeper was unaffected and kept leading, being a silent but assuring companion. The Gates kept sliding apart until they were wide open and Takuto could clearly see the indescribably beautiful world within. He continued to get closer, unaware that the Keeper had vanished now that the Gates had been fully opened to him.

His legs moved faster and faster, anxious to get inside and be part of  _that_  world. The closer he got, the more things in the other world became less fuzzy and more focused. Any sadness had left him and he felt nothing but understanding for everything that had happened in his life. Things that he had once regretted now held purpose and fit into a Plan that he could see clear as crystal. Stuff he thought he had needlessly suffered through came into sharp view and made perfect sense. Everything had served its purpose,  _he_  had served his purpose.

"Welcome." A familiar voice greeted him when he was only several inches from stepping into the beautiful, new world. Mitsuki materialized just within the Gates, grinning madly. She was overcome with joy. "I've been waiting."

Takuto grinned back and vanished into the Gates, becoming part of the world within.

"I suppose you are tired of being cooped up in this ol' thing." Rei looked down at the locket cupped in her hands. She had intended to do this much earlier in life, but she had become bitter and angry towards her adoptive brother after her father departed from this world. In her heart, she had known it was irrational and childish, but that was human emotions. At times, they simply got the best of you. Once she had gotten over it, she had been ashamed of her behavior and put the locket away, not wanting to think of her childish behavior towards a brother she couldn't remember.

With age came wisdom and she knew it was time to do what needed to be done, otherwise it might never be done properly. Her hands weren't quite as wrinkled as her father's had been, but she was getting there. Out of her three children, she only had one left living with her and he would be on his way to the university within a couple years.

Rei looked away from the locket and at the graves in a neat line. Takuto's had been put on the other side of Mitsuki's. Izumi was nestled neatly between both his biological and adoptive parents. Rei felt a pang of sadness for Meroko.  _I won't be in that line either, Meroko,_  she thought, though she had never met the angel her parents had spoken of.

She had never been able to find Meroko's grave, but it wasn't for lack of trying. She eventually gave up, figuring she must have had the name wrong. There was no record of a last name, either. At any rate, she had simply wanted to visit out of respect. Rei had never held any intentions of moving Meroko's burial site, figuring it was probably in a family plot. She knew that Meroko and Izumi had not known each other in life, so moving the grave would be a great disrespect to those that had known Meroko in life and were buried near her.

She looked down at the locket again. "Let's get you out of this thing and where you belong."  _With the people that you love and love you back._

The wind picked up as Izumi's ashes flitted in the air, dancing above the tombstones. It was a beautiful, if chilling, sight and Rei watched in reverence as they fell to the ground. It wasn't lost on her that the wind had caused the ashes to spread enough so that all five of the graves were scattered with them. Once they settled, she gave the graves a watery smile and tucked the locket away. Of course, she would keep both the journal and locket. She could hear her parents echoing the old caretaker's words, "It's too sad a story to keep buried." She had maintained the graves and always made sure roses found their way to Izumi's grave even if she didn't place them there herself. Rei didn't want Izumi's ashes to get lost in the generations to handle the locket after her. They belonged here. That much she was sure of.

"I look forward to meeting you," she whispered, staring straight at Izumi's tombstone.

There was stillness in the cemetery and she was sure she could feel gratefulness from beyond the world she was in.


End file.
